A Lesson in Pain (Attn Edana)

[Sangreal]

*** One week after the meeting at the river ***

 

Sandre sat on his bunk holding his mirror in his left hand and his razor in his right. His face was lathered for a shave. The water he had boiled for it had long gone cold though as he sat staring in that mirror. His eyes had rings of black around them and were bloodshot. He was not training today. He had collapsed a few days ago in training. Exhaustion the Yellows had said, nothing they could heal. Sleep was needed. Sandre remembered making oaths of pain if anyone said a word about it. He was lucky the trainees around him at the time were friends. They would keep their oaths. His trainers were surprised it took this long since all of his free time had gone to training since the day he arrived.

 

His mind was warring with him. He stared into his own eyes and even he thought they looked empty. "We got there... I was lured in... and she left... just like the Aes Sedai." (She asked for time... she didnt know what was happening, it was too fast.) He was mumbling the words. There was no one in the room to hear him, his own mind answered him. "How is she different?" (Because she got nothing out of it.) "With what I am feeling something was surely taken away." (It will heal, or she will heal it.) "No!" With both hands he gripped the mirror and razor until his knuckles were white. "It was the second time a woman was allowed to be close, and the same thing happened both times! It will not happen again! It will never... happen again!" (She only asked for time.) "Life... does not always wait until its convenient for you."

 

His mind did not answer. It was only then he let up his grip on the razor and noticed the very tip had cut his hand. Just a dot of a wound. Running the blood between his fingers he realized that it hurt just a little bit less inside. With a grin.. the first since the river... an idea struck him, and he shaved with the cold water.

 

*** One Month Later ***

 

Sandre sat on his bunk holding a surgical sewing needle. It had been a rough month but a rewarding one. Since the day with the razor he took to the yards and sparring with vigor. His skills had improved immensely and he dueled until there was no trainees on the yard. He worked out until every muscle screamed in pain. He accepted no healing for either sore muscles or the mass of bruises or welts on his body. His trainers were of course proud of his progress. Sometimes though. It just wasnt enough. An idle moment where he was allowed to think and the pain that at some point had turned to rage would resurface. No amount of lathe sparring or exercise would be rid of it. So he had to result to live steel duels in dark alleys. Never to the death. Usually only to first or third wound. There were plenty of merchant guards or sailors who needed to keep their edge and so were doing it anyways. He was not sure how many times he had done it, only that it had become harder to hide the stitches. He was sure though, that tonight was the last time he would ever do it. Tonight had almost killed him. What shook him out of it though... was on his walk back, he swore he saw spirits of those he had known in life and had passed. They looked like they had only been dead a day. His mother was among them, though he had not heard she had passed. She was alive when he left. He was sure of it now though. She was dead.

 

As he put away the medical kit he caught sight of his reflection in his shaving mirror in his chest... he was a mess of cuts and bruises. Some were yellow, some blue still, some red. Stitches crisscrossed his body. But his pain, the pain inside was gone. There was no rage. There was no emotion at all. He was in the void though it was like there was no flame. There was no emotion to feed it. Gingerly and carefully he went to bed. The reason tonight was so rough was that tomorrow he would be helping with Edana's training. He had to be rid of whatever it was that was left inside of him after she took something else away on that day they met.

 

The next morning he wore a long sleeve shirt fully laced up to hide everything. He had a lathe bruise going across his cheek that was yellow but not yet gone. His lip had been busted and the cut was still prominent. There was also a cut on the hairline or his forehead... same lathe duel, Ibram was getting very good. Another bruise on his neck and nick on his ear... yeah he was a mess. But if he accepted healing now all his secrets would come out. Strangely he felt he was followed when he went to those duels... he suspected a Warder or a Tower Guard who knew how to avoid being seen, but he never saw who. No one had said anything either.

 

He waited on the yard. Waited for a woman who had damaged him worse than any wound he had received. He had avoided her for over a month, or just didnt see her. When she came out she stopped. He was not smiling, if his eyes were not empty then they were cold. He was cold. Cold inside. Cold out side. Colder than ice. He never left the void and his mind was no in agreement with him. (No one will get close again, no one.)

 

OOC Didnt say I was going to make it easy on you lol :)

[U4ea]

OOC: *laughs* there's a difference between easy and killing her!

 

IC:

Edana stared at the missive in her hand, her eyes going blank as she realized what the contents meant. She shook her head, focusing on the words again. You are to report to the Yard at dawn for your next training session. Sandre will await you... The rest of the note was unimportant. She was sure it nattered on about what to bring and what to be prepared for, but she'd so many of these in her life that those things faded in importance.

 

Sandre. She'd successfully avoided him for a month, now. She'd stayed out of his way, going to phenomenal lengths to avoid drawing his attention. She'd taken to wrapping her hair around her head to keep her very obvious braid from being noticed. And now she wouldn't be able to avoid him, anymore. Truth be known, she hadn't avoided him, at all. At least not since the first time she'd seen him limping back into the barracks. It had been dark, so she'd blended into the shadows pretty easily. His physical pain was evident and her heart leaped. It had taken an amazing amount of will power not to fly to him and nurse him back to help. She doubted he'd have appreciated it, and... well, she was still hurt by his refusal.

 

That was the crux of the matter. It was a really girly thing to be upset about, so she hid it under disinterest whenever his name came up. She'd even spent a good deal of time making excuses. He'd only been after what all men are after, no matter how real his emotions had seemed. His smile had been nothing but a useful tool. How many other women had fallen for it? She was pretty sure the scented soap was a purposeful addition to weaken the senses of the women he cornered. He was far too used to picking women up, too. Hadn't flinched or hesitated when he'd lifted her onto the rock. As romantic as his little hideaway had been, she was positive there'd been women falling at his feet. So, when she'd asked for time? HA! He'd only been upset and not willing to invest the time in her. He'd probably found another before she'd stopped crying about it!

 

Why, then, had she followed him when he started visiting the city late at night? She'd beat herself up for that quite a bit since the first time. When she saw what he was doing, the endless fights he found himself in, she could only chalk it up to male idiocy. Was he truly so bored with the untrained trainees within the Yard that he had to go pick a fight with the thugs in Tar Valon? If he was good enough not to get himself killed, she just had to give credit where it was due. Pure, dumb, luck.

 

 

*******************

 

It was a rough night and she was glad when the sun came up. She dressed carefully, though the result was pretty much the same as it usually was. She left her braid hanging, though. If she wasn't hiding from him, there really was no reason to hide it. She strapped on her sword belt, running a litany of complaints in her head as she slid the buckle in place.

 

She caught her reflection in the mirror and shook her head. He didn't deserve to see that he still affected her so badly. Even anger was too much to credit him. She smoothed her expression, arranging her expression the way she'd arranged her clothes. She didn't stop until a grinning, rakish expression smiled back at her. The way she saw it, she had two choices. She could hit him with indifference or blatant humor. The smile on her face widened. Humor it was.

 

She crossed the Yard, making it a point to say good morning to everyone she met. A few of her fellow trainees sent her a strange look, but they always smiled back before they left. She spotted Sandre standing and gave herself a moment to look at him. He had gone out last night, but no one mentioned his injuries. Did that mean he was treating them himself? Or did he have friends that could Heal him? Light, but he looked good. The bruises and split in his lip, just made him more approachable. She sent her eyes to the sky for a second and sighed. Why did the Creator do this to her? Truly?

 

She made her way to him, grinning and bowing from the waist. It was respectful, but only just so. "Good morning, Instructor Sandre! Fine morning for a trip into the wilderness. isn't it?"

 

~Edana,

completely ready to be a burr in Sandre's saddle... ;)

[Sangreal]

Sandre frowned. "Please dont confuse me for an instructor Edana. Im a trainee of equal rank to you. I just got pushed into this because because of injuries." He wasnt rude about it. He talked to her as though he would any other trainee. He was wrapped in the void, yet still there seemed to be no flame, no emotion to feed it. He looked around. The yards were very crowded today since a work out class had been canceled. "Its a bit crowded today but the wilderness shouldnt be needed." Sandre eyed a particularly over weight trainee behind Edana. The man was huffing and puffing for all he was worth. Besides for the instructors he was the only trainee with medical training the Tower approved of on the yard. He hoped the guy didnt pass out.

 

"This exercise is simple. We spar. When you lose we discuss why and how to counter it. Then we practice it until you can counter it. Then we spar again." Light he was sore, weak in the legs and his shoulder was stiff. The wound in his side that nearly killed him throbbed. Gingerly before they started he touched his side to his stomach where it was at. It was bleeding through his second best white shirt but only spotting it. He thought he would have to put some salt and pine sap over it on their first break.

 

The first spar was over with quickly. He didnt strike her any harder than what was required for her to learn. It would likely only discolor. The flame flickered. (What had I fed it?) Resting his hands on the hilt with the lathe pointed down and the tip in the ground he looked at her. "This was simple mechanics. I am taller and took a high guard. You are smaller and took a low guard. So it came down to my speed and power versus yours. Against an opponent like me you can match me speed and power with a high guard medium stance since pushing against my attacks will be more effective than myself with a high guard pulling for my own attacks."

 

They tried again and she did do much better. Her deflections kept him off balance. So he switched to a medium guard and the fight ended quickly. It was a matter of mechanics again. He didnt even have to explain. When she took a low guard to his medium it was the same as her medium to high. In a way he was proud of her for picking up on that. It would have been the same for any other trainee though. Finally he took a low stance. How would she respond to that? Try to get lower? Or would she figure out that with a man of his size in a low guard and the low stance that came with it he would be fighting defensively and rooted to the spot he now stood? She would only have to walk around him while she kept him busy. Now she would learn to dance.

 

OOC I figure with a few of these posts we can handle a req for you then move to story line.

 

 

[U4ea]

Edana didn't even respond to half of what came out of his mouth. She was focused far too much on keeping the grin on her face as he started swinging his blade, so she was completely off guard for his advance. She muttered in her head, while forcing her lips to smile. In the end, she'd aquired a few new bruises, but little else. Was he taking it easy on her? She eyed his expression while he spoke of where to position her guard and found nothing but detachment. No, he'd not take it easy on her.

 

She focused a little more as he started swinging again, but she noticed a spot on his shirt that looked alarmingly like blood. She backed off, her affection keeping her from pressing what she knew must be a terribly painful injury. He didn't back off, however. Instead he switched his position again, this time moving lower. Focused as she was on the stain on his shirt, she couldn't adapt quickly enough and earned herself a few more bruises. One or two had landed right on top of the previous ones, though, and she felt the skin stretching as the flesh swelled.

 

She growled in her head. If he could ignore his pain, so could she. This time, she didn't have to focus on her grin and she didn't allow his injury to draw any sympathy from her swings. He shifted his stance lower, rooting himself in place. As if calling her from the Guard training yards in Caemlyn, she heard Liam's voice. "He's pinned, Eddie. Press forward and press hard..."

 

She'd taken her brother's advice then and she took it now. Her lathe moved high and all the strength she'd left out of her earlier came flowing free. He met her blows and she moved, first to his left, then his right. With his balance aimed so low, he couldn't move fast enough to deflect them all. The lathe landed a few times and she barely checked it before it did more than bruise. With his late night wanderings, he probably already had bruises there. Tit for tat, she sighed inwardly. 

 

They were starting to draw a crowd and Edana backed off. He wasn't going to be able to hide the blood on his shirt much longer and she refused to look as untested as a real newbie by pressing the advantage on a man who was clearly injured. She had little doubt he'd come after her, however, so she took a step back to remove herself from the arc of his lathe. She pointed the tip of her lathe to the ground and met his eyes, hoping she'd removed the concern, though she knew she couldn't hide it all.

 

~Edana

OOC: Awesome! Useful and fun, too! :D

 

[Sangreal]

She took advantage of the low stance. The grin on his face was that she figured it out. If he was to be broken by a woman at least she wasnt a fool. "Good." He said as she backed up. "Ok. Next Im going to come in close quarters. You will not be able to swing so wide. While the open fighting is great if you are ever in a war most fighting will be done like this." As he came in in a medium stance and guard he began to push her back. "Do not move back. You will have allies behind you and wont be able to in a real war." He stopped and had another trainee brace against her back so she couldnt move and another against his own. It was rough combat that way and he used a few tricks, drawing a practice dagger from his hip on one occasion and using the back of the handle for a strike on another. She picked it up very quickly and did not let him use the same trick twice.

 

"Good he said as he let the other trainees go back to their duties. Next I want to see how you react against multiple threats. Im going to use two swords." He picked up the second lathe and continued. Even when he struck her he didnt stop. He kept going and repeating what he did until she countered. It is exhausting and distracting fighting a man with two swords so she could not have seen the trainee behind her... the over weight one... about to fall on her. His eyes went wide and the flame that wasnt there became a roaring fire as his fear... to his surpise... of Edana getting hurt fed it. Quickly he dropped his second lathe and rushed towards the unfortunate trainee and slammed his shoulder into him to hold him up. He was dimly aware of the fact that Edana's lathe had caught him square in the injury and burst it open. He had literally moved into it. His only concern was that this trainee was heavier than he could handle. "Bloody help me! I cant set a man of his size down alone!"

 

A few trainees rushed over. It really was too crowded today after all. When they got him down an instructor began to send trainees to get water and a yellow. He just passed out. Still though. He turned to Edana. "Are you ok?" She looked at him and he looked at the shirt. (She almost killed me a month ago and at this rate she will finish the job.)The shirt came up slightly as he put his hand under it showing her a little more of the condition of his body than he wanted her to see before he reached into his belt pouch and pulled out a small bag. Other trainees saw the wound as well and winced as he removed ground salt from the bag and rubbed it into the wound to stop the bleeding. The flame and the void is the only thing that kept him from screaming.

 

When is cleared a bit he turned to Edana as though nothing had happened. "Do you need water? I have worked you hard and we dont need two people passing out today." He was back to himself again... unfortunately...

[U4ea]

Edana groaned inwardly every time a lathe landed. Sweat coated her skin and with a trainee at her back, she couldn't step away to catch her breath. If he was aiming for reality, he got it. When he dismissed the others and reached for a second blade, she almost protested. Not because of the threat of two blades, but because of his injury. Swinging them both wouldn't give him any room to protect his side. She was rewarded for her attention to his injuries with more bruising. She cursed in her head, trying to force her hands to move the lathe to defend what she could without hurting him.

 

She gasped as he dashed behind her, unable to stop the lathe as it cracked against his side. She closed her eyes, turning slowly towards him. She knew what damage that blow would cause. He'd lept into it, but her heart clenched, anyway. It was as if the world was moving in slow motion and she couldn't force her body to react fast enough. Trainees rushed on either side of her to help him get the larger trainee to the ground. He turned those beautiful eyes on her and, for once, she didn't bother hiding her concern. Her eyes found the growing stain on his shirt and her heart stopped. "Are you ok?"

 

No, no she wasn't ok. She hadn't been ok since she found him in the River a month ago. She watched him bare his chest to get to the wound and clenched her jaw. It took every ounce of control she had not to drop to her knees and force him to let her see it. When he started rubbing salt into it, she looked away, her hands clenching around the handle of the lathe. If he says anything, I won't be able to resist...

 

"Do you need water? I have worked you hard and we dont need two people passing out today." Her eyes jerked to him and she shook her head sharply. Her lips trembled and she gave in, though he managed to keep it from being the torrent of tears the screaming woman inside her truly wanted. She knelt next to him and leaned close, pushing his hands out of the way so she could see the wound. "Why haven't you had this Healed, Sandre? This is too deep to just keep rubbing salt into..."

 

[Sangreal]

Sandre was too concerned with hiding everything else when she reached for the wound. Then she exposed it! Right there in the field! She was going to get him thrown off the yards! He wanted to yank her hands off of him yet when he went to do it he gently, as though handling fragile crystal glass, removed her hands. He wanted to melt yet at the same time he was rather furious. "Since when has my discomfort ever been a concern of yours?" He would not get close again. He wouldnt.

 

Light he felt cold and weak. Picking up the lathe was a hassle. Even with the void his body just... didnt want to do what he told it to. He saw Edana's lathe dripping in his blood. (Let her clean it.) he thought. It was a perfect image of what he felt she had done to him by that river.

 

"Take the day off and hydrate." He said as he went back to the barracks. He got to his room and didnt shut the door or take off his clothes. He laid on his bunk and pulled his blankets over him. The pain in his side is what he focused on.

[U4ea]

Edana blinked as he stormed away. "Since when has my discomfort ever been a concern of yours?" The words echoed in her head and she fought to hold on to the womanizer she'd painted him as. She felt the guilt that had haunted her for weeks starting to take over again. Her hands shook, her lip trembled, and all around her she was starting to get odd looks from her fellow trainees. She looked down at her hands and gasped. What had she done?

 

"Take the day off and hydrate," he'd said. She tossed her head back and stiffened up, standing and taking the lathe with her. She couldn't let anyone else see the amount of blood that was all over the thing. If he was determined to keep his injuries, and the stupidity that earned them, to himself, she wasn't going to be the one who let it slip. She detoured into the infirmary, offering some excuse about needing to restock a medical kit that they kept in the Yards in order to get the supplies she needed. They didn't question why she had the lathe and the blood on her hands was probably even more of a reason to hand the supplies over quickly. She smiled, thanking them politely before taking another detour into the kitchens. One of the Novices on duty had sort of adopted the trainees and, even though she felt a bit like a pet to the girl, she accepted a heaping tray of food with a grateful nod before heading back to the barracks.

 

Sandre probably hadn't noticed that her quarters were right next to his, but she had. Light how she had! She didn't knock, just pushed the door open and slipped inside, carrying her burdens to an empty bunk and setting it down. She felt his eyes on her, but didn't turn around. She hummed lightly as she opened the medical supplies, spreading them out over the bed. She found the liquor hidden in it's little brown bottle and smiled as she uncorked it and turned towards him. When she finally met his eyes, she tilted her head. "Now, you've got two choices. Show me the worst ones so I can help, or I'll pin you down and do it the hard way. Keep in mind that I grew up wrestling three Andoran Queen's Guards and that I was pretty good at pinning them down before I left. In your condition, it might be better for you if you just shut up and play nice..."

 

~Edana

stubborn and loving it

[Sangreal]

He was not sure he was dreaming or dying when Edana stepped in. Tenderly he touched his side and the pain told him he was very much awake. "Now, you've got two choices. Show me the worst ones so I can help, or I'll pin you down and do it the hard way. Keep in mind that I grew up wrestling three Andoran Queen's Guards and that I was pretty good at pinning them down before I left. In your condition, it might be better for you if you just shut up and play nice..."

 

Calmly he got up with some effort and shoved a chair under the door. The shirt coming off was painful. The boots and baggy trousers he needed help with. He expected more of a reaction from her but instead she went over him an inch at a time and set to work. He couldnt reach the void and every touch made him tense.

 

An hour had gone by of stitching and pulling stitching and disinfecting when he had had enough pain. He either talked to her now or he would never get through this. "Light Edana why are you here?! Wasnt leaving me by that river not an hour after I told you that an Aes Sedai toyed with me and left me pain enough?!" She didnt say a word and kept going. Seeing how he wasnt getting answers from her and the disinfectant she was applying was making him reach his limit. He finally gave in. "Edana take it easy I think that one is disinfected and can do without the stitches this time!" She could have been tenderizing beef the way she was poking him with the disinfectant and sewing leather with that needle. "Light I give my heart to a woman and its nothing but pain, how in the pit does anyone have kids?!"

 

He didnt even seem to care that at that moment she finished. He leaned back and closed his eyes. She could have finished him off at that moment and he wasnt sure he would have cared. He remembered the last time he did this in her presence and came back to reality. (I told her I gave her my heart... I told her how she hurt me... Oh Creator I gave her the means to do it all again.)

 

 

[U4ea]

Edana hissed inwardly as her eyes found injuries that hadn't been bleeding. She wasn't sure why they weren't bleeding. Her thoughts switched gears, shoving her body's reaction to him to the side in the face of attending to his injuries. She leaned close, cleaning and repairing stitching, clicking her teeth as she pulled out crooked stitches and restitched them. She ignored most every sound he made for the better part of an hour, knowing he'd simply be cursing that she was the one who'd found him in such a condition.

 

"Light Edana why are you here?! Wasnt leaving me by that river not an hour after I told you that an Aes Sedai toyed with me and left me pain enough?!" She flinched, but otherwise ignored him. She fought off tears, feeling herself coming out of the haze she'd put herself under to make sure she saw to his needs before seeing to his temper. "Edana take it easy I think that one is disinfected and can do without the stitches this time! Light I give my heart to a woman and its nothing but pain, how in the pit does anyone have kids?!"

 

Edana's hand shook and she sat back on her heels. She busied herself with cleaning up the various tools she'd used and started packing the unused pieces back into the sack. Then, she downed the rest of the liquor. I give my heart to a woman, his voice taunted in her head. The Aes Sedai? Was it a small vain part of her that wanted him to be talking about her? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before settling on the bunk across from him.

 

She couldn't look at him; couldn't take the cold distance in his eyes. "Why do you do it?" She said softly, still not able to look up at him. "Why go out every night and pick a fight with a stranger? If anyone found out about it, you'd have enough penances to keep you buried in muck that would make the stable hands cringe..."

 

~Edana,

not her most confident moment

[Sangreal]

Sandre could not sit up... he couldnt even look at her. He questioned if he could move. "You left me by that river Edana... You left me there... Do you think I would have kissed you had I not cared? You were the first woman I cared about since that Aes Sedai and the only one I have touched even before that, she had nothing on you. I was at my most weak, most vulnerable moment. The same moment that Aes Sedai left was the same one you did... even if for different reasons."

 

He tried to shake his head laying there but it wasnt happening. "You could have kept your distance or anything... I did this because you took something inside me that day. I dont know what it was but I have been never lost control of my emotions like that. I never felt so pained as that. So I blocked it... with another pain."

 

(Which I may have to do again...)

[U4ea]

Edana flinched, hearing her worst fears confirmed. She still didn't raise her eyes. This time it was to hide the tears she was fighting. Haven't I cried enough over this man? "I left because you scared me." There, she'd said it. "All I could think of was your lips. All I wanted was to let go and let you be the thing I needed most in my life. I'd only just met you and already, I was willing to set aside all of my training, all of my pride. So easily, I let you in." She shook her head. "The very fact that you had that kind of power after only a few hours brought back all of the pain and emotion that my brothers had inflicted on me. I trusted them. I loved them. And what did they do to me?"

 

She raised her eyes, then, knowing they were rimmed in red and brimming with tears. "You pushed me away when all I needed was time. Things were moving too fast. I'd only been here a week. Hadn't done more than find a bunk before you were there, filling my thoughts. How can I be sure of us if I'm not even sure of myself?"

 

She pushed herself away from the bunk and moved towards the door. Her eyes were vacant, her thought scattered. "My reason for being here was so simple. I needed a reason to die, a purpose to die for. I have no reason for anything, Sandre. I have no family. I have no friends. I have no loyalties or aliegences. You knew my father. He raised me, trained me to believe that without a purpose, life is meaningless. Having been here a week, I wasn't sure this was a purpose I could believe in." She shrugged, her back still towards him. "Then I met you and all of that changed. After the River, I tried to avoid you. I just happened to have been taking a walk in the yards when you came back from Tar Valon the first time. You looked horrible and the urge to throttle whoever had touched you..." she shook her head. "After that, I followed you. I stalked you all the way through the city, skulking in shadows until you'd found your place. I watched you goad others into a fight, then I watched you duel it out in back alleys. Then I followed you back, telling myself I only wanted to make sure the Tower didn't lose something that belonged to them. I was lying to myself and I knew it, even then."

 

She turned, meeting his eyes for the first time since he'd taken his shirt off. "I've worked myself to death the last month. I've taken every class I could arrange, even those that were just plain silly. I've cleaned half the armory, mucked stalls, and anything else I could do to pass the time. I spent sleepless nights watching you, praying that I wouldn't have to intervene. I nearly did a time or two." She shook her head slowly. "That Aes Sedai must've been something to turn your head so completely..."

 

~Edana,

 

[Sangreal]

Moving was... well... he wouldnt do it but if she tried to leave he would ruin all that hard work to stop her. "Im sorry Edana... I couldnt handle being left like that again. You needed time when your own father taught me that life waits for no one. I felt as though you wanting that time was as good as saying good bye." He began to gently move to sit up... ever so carefully. "I did not mean to intrude on your life at so crucial a moment." He was starting to regret that he had affected her so. Made her life so difficult. All that pain for both of them. (Will she ever be ready?)

 

"That Aes Sedai was a boyish fancy Edana. If you cant trust yourself, or cant trust your self, fine... you can go... take all the time you need. Avoid the extra curricular classes with water. Im not sure if you can weave a basket fast enough while your head is being held underwater at this early stage of your training." He was smiling but he was also serious.

 

"If you want to go you can... Im not sure where I will be by the time you trust yourself and your ready." His head dropped and his voice with it. "I want you to do something for me though... I want to tell you something... that will help when you ... go..." He was struggling... dueling wasnt this hard... "I love you... You are the first I have said that too... maybe the last." (Let her go then... but let her know that she goes and she is loved.)

[U4ea]

Edana curled her hand into a fist to keep from slapping him. Then the fist was too tempting. She opened her mouth to tell him what he could do with his time, but he stopped her with I love you... You are the first I have said that too... maybe the last."

 

She closed her eyes, leaning her head back on the wall she hadn't realized she'd made it to. When she opened her eyes, she took in his sad posture, knowing that physical pain was racking most of his body. The emotional pain weighed down the rest of him. She shook her head, crossing the room and kneeling next to his bunk. "I said I would never betray you. I promised I'd never leave. I've spent the last month punishing myself because I wanted to give in so badly. All it's taught me is that..."

 

She paused, raising her hand to brush his cheek and raise his eyes to hers. "All it's taught me is that I want to know where you are. I want to know you're alright. I need to know you're happy and that only in my dreams could I ever let myself believe that I could do that for you." She shook her head, smiling slightly. "I'm not leaving, Sandre. I've had enough time, all I need to tell me that what I feel isn't going to change any time soon." Light, please don't hurt me again...

 

~Edana

[Sangreal]

He couldnt be more confused. (Will this woman always be a puzzle to me?) He smiled and drowned in those eyes. "Change? No not me... I almost killed myself trying to change that." He motioned to his body with both hands. "You lack confidence in yourself... and the lack is very unwarranted. I tried to be a stone to you on the yards... the minute that trainee almost fell on you I was in a panic... I was happy just seeing you ok."

 

"Im a very easy person to please Edana. Just be yourself and stop worrying if your good enough. Have the courage to feel how you want to feel, do what you want to do. Be secure in the knowledge that you already have me. The hard part is over."

 

He pulled her close. Just a hug. He sure as heck wasnt going to mess it up again by going too fast. He wasnt sure he could do more than that anyways. She was beautiful. He was still in shock she felt anything at all. Not many were interested in him. He had said what he needed to though.

[U4ea]

Edana inhaled as she gently wrapped her arms around him. The pine scent was still there and it brought tears to her eyes. "I'm trying," she whispered against his skin. "Do you have any idea how many helpless pine trees I've mauled in the last month, simply because they smell like you?" She smiled, looking up at him. "And how many women in those taverns I wanted to throttle for the way they were looking at you?"

 

She shook her head. "Now, lay back down before you burst my stitches. I'm not sure how we're going to keep you hidden until they heal enough for you to get up and move around."

 

~Edana