How It'll All Go Down In TG

[Hybrid]

How It'll All Go Down in TG (Or: The Return of the Male Aes Sedai--Totally Not A Ripoff Plot Of Any Kind From Any Major Franchise)

 

Everyone's been posting their ideas for AMOL, so I thought I'd give it a shot.  It seems fairly obvious how it'll all happen.

 

 

First off, the Forsaken will all Travel to the Blight.  There, the Dark One is preparing to break free of his prison.  To protect him, the Forsaken will erect a huge shield using the One Power.

 

Rand will then gather all the Good Guys in to a massive conference and reveal his master plan.  He has found out what the Dark One is up to thanks to the top secret Ogier spy network.  Unfortunately, many Ogier died to bring him this information.  Of course, he does not explain how Ogier could be spies in a Shadowspawn environment.  This is left for the reader to discover.

The first stage of the plan is simple.  Mat and Perrin will lead a small strike force to disable the shield protecting the Dark One.  The strike force itself will be concealed in the Horn of Valere.  Mat and Perrin will disguise themselves as Darkfriends bringing supplies to the Forsaken, because this is an entirely foolproof plan using out-of-date secret codes.  When the shield is down, the rest of the forces of Good will arrive destroy Shayol Ghul.  Rand will explain that the size of the Bore, down which they will fire a weave of balefire, is about 1.5 meters long.  Logain will express disbelief at channeling so accurately, but Rand will assure him that he used to channel at deer back home, and they're not much bigger than 1.5 meters in the Two Rivers.  No one will point out that none of these "deer" were heavily armed and counter-attacking.  Because no one Good ever uses communication techniques, there will be a time delay between the two attacks.

 

Mat and Perrin will successfully arrive in the area where the Forsaken are maintaining the shield.  Unfortunately, they will be captured by a legion of Taim's best Asha'man.  At around the same time, Rand will Travel to Shayol Ghul alone to confront Moridin, whom he has just learned is his long lost brother.  The forces of Good, led by Egwene, Logain, Lan, and Tuon, will arrive at Shayol Ghul only to find the shield still up and the Trolloc hordes converging on them from all sides.  Someone, probably Egwene, will say, "It's a trap."  At this point, Perrin's wolves will arrive and trounce the Asha'man.  This is because the Furry Creatures of Good can never fail to defeat the Super-powerful Trained Killing Machines of Evil.  However, there will be a few token scenes of wolves getting blown to bits and crushed, so you can feel sympathy for them.  The Heroes of the Horn will help out a little, of course.  There will be several short scenes interspersed throughout in which we see the Forces of Light getting destroyed by the Trolloc hordes.  Fortunately, no major characters will be offed due to the Stormtrooper Effect.  Mat will plant fireworks at the feet of every Forsaken, and then they will run away, because no one Evil is ever able to defuse fireworks.  Logain will lead the strike force into Shayol Ghul and weave balefire into the Bore while Egwene summarily demolishes the Trollocs.  Shaidar Haran will attempt to stop them, but will get tossed into the Bore as well, resulting in massive pyrotechnics and a sudden loss of coordination in the Trolloc hordes.  Rand will confront Moridin, who will destroy the Dark One at the cost of his one life.  Somehow, everyone will escape alive and party at the end with the wolves and Rand will see visions of Asmodean, Moridin, and Lew Therin. 

 

Also, during all these antics, various prophecies will be fulfilled. ;D

[DemandredFO]

If that's your attitude then you're on here why?

[Hybrid]

Hey, hey, just poking fun at all the AMOL theories out there.  I agree with some parts of most of them, other parts I find utterly implausible.  Plus, the idea popped into my head and I couldn't resist it.

[Majsju]

So you noticed that there are other threads about TG, but still felt the need to start a new one?

[Roxinos]

You're really going to bug Hybrid about this? I think this is worth its own thread in itself.

 

Jokes are not meant to be explained. Don't bother defending yourself, Hybrid.

[Luckers]

Hey Roxinos, did you used to post on Shadar Logoth?

 

Hybrid, with all due respect, enough prophecies and foreshadowing exists to postulate on the reality of the last book, and whilst your correct, many posters post their hopes rather then realistic ideas, your post still comes accross as a bit crass.

 

Who knows, i may be wrong, and you may be mocking me--search my A Memory of Light--the Plot thread, i definately have a vested interest. Nevertheless, i do find your post to be a cheap jab. The jokes are in mocking those that have posted threads about the aMoL plot, not about jokes about WoT itself.

 

Furthermore, Fiddlesticks exists for this.

[Hybrid]

Hey Luckers,

My intent was not to make fun of the current theories on AMOL's plot nor of their creators.  I actually got the idea after checking out the website tvtropes.org, which was linked from the "Is Rand al'Thor a Marty Stu" thread, and all the humor based on WoT's plot and characters, like the Lazy Man's Reread, or the mock summaries by ISAM.  I'd already seen your thread on the topic and am not demeaning your efforts in any way.  I may even post my own theory sometime soon.  In any case, I thought I would poke fun at some of the common themes that many fantasy and scifi sagas share, especially those with strong ideas of good vs. evil.  In my mind, WoT will not be anything like these, because of the grayscale which RJ took such pains to create.  Also, I am NOT in the camp of "RJ stole everything from LOTR and Dune."  If I was, I wouldn't be here.  I'm sorry if I offended, but the whole point was to make a joke.  (I also hope that everyone noticed that my "prediction" is basically the plot to Star Wars Return of the Jedi which, to my knowledge, has no similarity to the plot of WOT at all).

[Roxinos]

Nope, Luckers. The only places I've ever actively posted are around here (for a couple of months when I first joined DM about four years ago) and the SG Comm.

[The true source]

Well i thought it was pretty funny calm down peeps.

[Xcom]

All this theory needs is sharks with lazer beams on their heads.

[Hybrid]

I forgot.  They will be part of the hordes of the Dark.  ;D

[Luckers]

Under the command of accountants, no doubt.

 

Roxinos, you have a twin--probably an evil twin. Fear the influence of hollywood.

[42Bonzo88]

    First of all, Hybrid, Laughed my *^* off!! Thank you for the humour. Sometimes we have to step back and see that the books are for entertainment. Robert Jordan had an excellent sense of humour and we need more of that. We do have Fiddlesticks, I am on that alot. But there have been many threads on here about funny things that may happen. If you have time you may want to look at those, I think they are all great! ;D

[Roxinos]

Dammit, I thought I killed all of my evil twins!

[Hybrid]

Dammit, I thought I killed all of my evil twins!

 

See TDR ... You're supposed to absorb them! ;D