Jamie [Attn James]

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

 

A New Dawn

 

 

 

    "Jaydena?"

 

The woman's smile had been ever so welcoming but there was that concern, the worry that Jaydena Sedai had been having on her behalf for her over the past days. Since talking with Aran, Cairma holed herself in Isabella's Inn for few days until Brand threw her out and back into the Yard. Not wanting to face Aran just yet, she moved a few belongings into a separate set of Quarters in Jaydena's room and then delved into her training. Although, her first step into the room had been rather uncomfortable.

 

    "I'm Pregnant."

 

The nod on the woman's face had been simple, the relief evident more on the Aes Sedai's face than through the bond. Odd, normally it was the other way around. Or perhaps she had it all wrong. The face was what an Aes Sedai wished for others to see and the emotions she felt through the bond were what she was hiding from others. It was a contemplative thought that distracted her for all of 5 seconds before she continued along her admittance's to her Bonded.

 

    "I can't tell you who. What you do not know you can not lie about."

 

Secrets and more secrets. She was becoming the master at these, even though she was an atrocious liar. What did it matter if no one called her bluffs anyways.

 

    "Best believe it to be a Borderlander, dead along with the other 30 or so at Adalon."

 

He almost died there too. It wasn't too far from that particular lie. The child needed to be kept safe. She could keep it safe. Daughter or son. ..More confusion..

 

    "But I must ask, before anything thing else happens."

 

As safe as she felt in the Tower...

 

    "If I were to ask, would you release me from my bond? I have no plan to, but if I were required to leave, would you release me from my Oaths."

 

Jaydena had not been too pleased by this. Her arguments were sound. What place would be safer than the Tower? But even Cairma felt the doubt through the bond. How safe was the Tower? No safer than anywhere else in the world simply because too many believed the Tower was untouchable.

 

    -Yes-

 

Simple. Yet incomplete.

 

    "I may leave at a moments notice. When I leave, or for any pain you feel, muffle the bond. I can handle the Pain, you should not have to. Will you?"

 

    -Yes-

 

Leaves crunched under her feet as Cairma walked her way through the otherwise untouched landscape that settled between Cairhien and Aringrill along the Spine of the World. Her mount Naran, a gentle palomino mare, followed her obediently as she trekked through the cascades of forests and smaller streams. The name of the mare amused her, in a small slight fashion, and only partial reason to her choice of companion on her little few months journey away from Tar Valon. Riding was hard for her, harder than she had expected, and a softer mount would get her where she needed to go faster with less damage.

 

Inwardly she winced. Researching a little, even after a few months, the words on the page were far more surreal then what she was actually experiencing. Foods she couldn't eat, smells she couldn't stomach, pains she found herself unable to push aside. For a Ren'Shai pain was but second nature. A mirth smile on her lips as she carried herself along a make-shift path of her own creation. Her and Pain seemed to be rather cozy along with her Stupidity and Pride. Foolhardy and Confusion were taking over the love seat on the other side of the room. Oh yes, she was a mess of emotional control.

 

It was easier to leave than it was to say. Staying meant questions, and lying and saying she was fine when she wasn't. It took little effort to actually do so, but when she could not control such emotions and keep them from running rabid there needed to be a better call then just 'toughing it'. Knowing first hand what that lack of control meant, and the cost it would have, made her believe that simply leaving was the best option. Returning would be hard enough with out there being too many questions, but staying would rise far too many more than she was ready to handle. Not when her own heart and mind were in turmoil not just from the slips of hormones but also to avoid facing Aran after her little... run in with Shoar Gaidin and having Brand spill her little secret.

 

Maybe it wasn't just the fact that the secret had been slipped. More so the shame she felt when she had not taken it into enough account that day. The highs and lows of her emotions were hard enough to reign in on a good day. When it was a bad day. . .

 

How did things get so confusing?

 

Trees passed by with words being chased around in her mind. A stream in the distance, not too far off her right, trickled away over rocks as small birds chirped away with words that made far more sense than her own. Although neither made any more sense to her in the next moment than it did in the last. Although not bleak, it gave far more weight to her heart than she should have allowed it.

 

"I am alone." She spoke. The trees rustled in the winds if to answer. "I am bonded but. . . I am sworn to the Tower. I loved once and lost it to my duty. I carry the weight of that love. I carry the only possession I have any right to claim." One hand went to the growing bump underneath her shirt. The weather was cooler this time of the year and even though she barely felt it's bite on her skin, a nondescript gray cloak hung over her shoulders. Just because she did not feel cold did not mean that she wasn't cold. Crediting herself where she could, a hand pulled the cloak tighter around her body.

 

She will need to find a place to rest soon. Cairma was still in a fairly safe state to rough it in the woods. Possibly in the next months time she would have to be a bit closer to the world and its inhabitants. After all, soul searching could only last for so long when you are about to give birth and are in need of people.

 

Looking up for the first time in miles, she paused in her steps. Naran walked up to her and nudged her for a rub. A hand on Naran's nose, Cairma pondered carefully. She wasn't running away. Not really. Just sorting things out.

 

Yes, that was it. Just sorting things out. Before her life changed forever.

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

Wanderer

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

 

 

Time passed differently in the southern hills between Cairhien and Aringrill. Although a sense of peace could hardly be found a sense of reserved calm had instead settled on her shoulders. Moving at a pace much slower than she had ever moved her entire lifetime, Cairma meandered her way through the dense trees with a lighter heart despite the weight she carried with her. Pushing the pain of the Tower and the Yard -especially Aran.. - as far away from her mind she found it easier to enjoy her days in the fall weather. With the tree's turning color despite there being longer days, her walks were not just peaceful but beautiful as well. At least there was no snow. Not this far south. Not like the snowfalls in Andor of Kings Crossing.

 

Each day that passed found Cairma dwelling more and more on the times of when she was just a little girl. Unusual, but with the impending motherhood rounding corners faster than a grandmasters sword Cairma found herself dwelling on otherwise forgotten memories. Unintentionally.

 

When she was eight Cairma had done anything in her power to avoid her mother. Especially when a noted event were to occur. It was soon to be Tamair, the eldest, nameday and soon to turn 20. Only a few weeks before her own Cairma learned at a very young age not to expect the same treatment that her brothers got. Especially Tamair who just so happen to be Karin's favorite son. Eldest of five, Tamair was 19 along with Haidon, Daigh was 17, Adain 15 and Jain 14. Cairma was by far much younger, and no doubt, very unexpected addition to the already far too large family in The Royal.

 

The weather had been changing then too. Growing from the greens of summer to the browns and reds of Fall. Flecks of white ice would dot the fields most morning as well as the occasional light snow that melted before the noonday sun. High up in t a tree that had been painstakingly marked in such a way not only for her to be able to climb up to the higher branches without a second hand, but also for it to appear reasonably unmarred unless they were a tracker or were familiar with the woods. Although, at 8 years of age it could hardly be called perfect or even well hidden by an adult standard. However the tree was well out of The Royals boundaries yet close enough to Kings Crossing that few trackers came around that way to hunt prey.

 

Of all her brothers only Jain held her secret tree. Indifferent to having a little sister, he was more disagreeable to his other brothers than to her. Taking what little advantage of this her Secret Tree was the only place she found even a remote amount of freedom and safety from the rest of her very small world.

 

Cairma smiled to herself as she paused in her walk. Nanan put her head down to nibble up some tall shoots, taking advantage of the small pause. To her, Nature had always had a distinctive influence on her life. Although she travelled little aside from her little black marred 4 years before Tar Valon and the trip to Adalon Cairma found herself realizing that she had grown very deep roots, much like tree's, in places she felt safe. Unwilling to move until there was need or her place was no longer safe. Pausing with her back against a soft barked tree, she thought on further. How much would the child take after its mother or father? Would it take on aspects of extended family or carry on the personalities of its mother or father; or both?

 

Unknown to many, Cairma had taken the time to research what had happened to her brothers after her arrival and establishment in the Yard. More so in hopes of avoiding them should they ever hunt her down. In fact Jain had followed her but lost track of her after Caemlyn. Thankfully. Tamair was now dead, Haidon and Daigh were part of the Children of the Light. Knowing that they were part of the children had brought Cairma a large sense of dread and fear. Neither had been the softer of her brothers and held a very twisted mentality that had even Karin scared. Of course her mother would never admit to feeling that way but Cairma had been a as dutiful in her avoidance of chores as she had in her various observants. Even Karin did not trust her own sons.

 

Adain however took up Inn Keeping after Karin had fallen ill to a wasting disease. By the time Cairma had been raised to Tower Guard, Karin had died and Adain had full control of not only The Royal but also the Village Council. Grimacing, she was of no doubt that only a Wisdom of superior strength could hold out to Adain's bullying. It was a small wonder Cairma had even survived half of her own childhood.

 

'A small wonder, indeed.' She thought. Pushing herself away from the tree, she lead Naran over a stream and down into a small clearing. Pleasantly surprised to find a small cottage at the far end of the clearing Cairma released the reigns on Naran and started strolling forward. The first thing she notices was the lack of smoke from the chimney, and as she approached closer Cairma also noted the holes in the thatched roof and the unhinged shutters that balanced precariously off a few of the windows if not completely bare. Small scrapes of paint on the frames hinted at blues and greens along the otherwise red brick farm house. Brick!

 

Cairma was in love. It was perfect and well enough out of the way to give her some sense of peace. Thoughts whirled around in her head as she plotted out some of the things that she would need to set herself up in the small house as well as the preparations for winter; if there even was a winter this far south. Maybe in a day or two she would scout about for small villages and wisdoms, or healers, that could offer up advice or act as a midwife. Not about to credit herself to be able to do the task alone, it was something she would have to keep in mind. If nothing presented itself than she may have to leave the little abandoned farmhouse for some place closer to civilization.

 

A hand to her stomach, Cairma paused in mid thought. Refusing to let the guilt of leaving Aran behind in Tar Valon without even a word of when or where she left, she could not help but feel that she was doing him a little bit of justice in the grand scheme of things. Both of them from rather dark haunting pasts, at least their child would have some mediocre amount of peace when entering a world so full of things to fear. Wars, Fighting, Duty and Honor. All of it weighed so heavily on all of them. But not their child. It will enter this world knowing only of love and with a sense of peace.

 

Her hands closed into a tightened fist. She swore it to be so.

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

 

 

[Wayfarer]

"Come on, Jacqui."

 

Laughing at the response she got, Suzette Marachain leaned on her walking staff as she waited for her daughters to catch up.  Jacqui was doing well enough though life beyond the city was beyond her and it was only now that she was beginning to really appreciate how different it was.  One could understand the city streets, learn them up and down and sideways, but out here where there was simply trees, plains and the wind on your back, it was a different matter.  She was handling it well enough, but Chloe was only ten and she wasn't used to walking so far every day.  Not that she didn't try, but it was still a good deal to ask from her to keep the pace they had.

 

With nothing but their backpacks, supplies and sticks to help them as they traveled, they had set out from Foregate in Cairhien to the south until they'd found the hills.  Perhaps a place for them to find some solace, a place for them to find what they were looking for.  It would be a different life, at least for as long as they were able to enjoy it.  No tranquility ever lasted, that was a simple rule that Suzette had known her entire life, but the secret was to take what could be taken for all that it was worth.  If it meant giving up the city, well, one would always take what they wanted and pay for it.

 

"Mother, is that smoke?"

 

Frowning, Suzette looked to where Jacqui was pointing and narrowed her eyes.  It was only a wisp at their distance, but it was smoke alright.  Where there was smoke, there were people and where there were people, there was food and supplies or at the very least someone to point them in the right direction.  Setting off with Jacqui in tow, it was a good half hour of walking under autumn touched trees that they found a farmstead.  Of red brick rather than cobbled stone, Suzette was surprised to see a building like that so far out.  Maybe whoever lived there had been a mason who had retired from the city as they had.

 

"Shall we go and see who is there?"

 

Turning to Jacqui, Suzette shook her head.  "No, we will not go and see who is there.  I will go and see who is there, you will stay right here with Chloe and wait for me to return or call for you."

 

A pair of pouts was not the answer that Suzette had expected, but they had been over it before.  At any of these places, Jacqui was always to stay back and wait.  While she'd like to believe that they couldn't run into any trouble, there was no knowing what sort of people lived out in the back end of the country.  Some were wonderful, but others were not and she wasn't willing to endanger her own daughter so.  At least if she got into trouble, Jacqui wouldn't be caught up right in the middle of it.

 

Stepping from the line of trees as her daughter hid herself behind one, Suzette was wary as she approached the farmstead.  There was no knowing who was there until she got to the door, and she hoped that it didn't prove to be someone untrustworthy.  Once already she'd been accosted by someone who had thought she was alone, Jacqui had been following along that time when she wasn't meant to.  Suzette had thoroughly yelled at her for not doing what she was told, though truth be told she was a touch proud, even if Jacqui had disobeyed.  Meanwhile Chloe had been sour about not being able to see it, naturally.

 

Walking up to the front door, she knocked firmly then took a few steps back and waited, her staff resting against her shoulder as she held onto it with her right hand.

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

 

 

Cairma scowled at the stone stove in front of her. Dark fumes escalated from the slits near the top and Cairma could not resist the heavy groan at what this indicated. A small series of swear words - the last few that she could allow herself given her condition - as she proceeded to open the door to the stove and remove the cinder baked bread. It was always so much easier to cook over an open fire than in a bloody stove. Of course it would be hotter, but why had she not considered it.

 

"Ow.. Ow... " Only using a cloth to save her hands from the immense heat, in went the bread into the open fire by the hearth. The Flames did not change as it consumed the poor excuse of a hopeful meal. "Hrmph.." Hands on her little bump. "I just wanted bread! Blood-flaming cravings..." Not known to actually pout, it was very evident on her face that she was upset by the lack of bread to go with the fish she found in a nearby stream. Salting a few for another night if she needed it, Bread would have been a wonderful companion for the fish, but alas, her luck ran out along with any other form of Logic she had these days. Logic never favoured her on even the best of occasions.

 

It was the pout that saw her to her chair and the glass of water on the table near by. Thinking she should drink it at least, or just sip it to ease her bleeding cravings but it had no appeal to her. Nothing but the flaming bread. In a moment more of pouting, Cairma burst into laughter.

 

"You should see this, Aran." She spoke to no one in particular. She was alone after all. "You would make some comment at my expense and in the end we would both be laughing over my inability to make a single loaf of bread. I wonder if it would make it worse if you knew that it was not the first time I could not make bread." That brought another chuckle. "No, most likely not. I would not live it down for a good few years at the very least."

 

The last of her words were more a whisper than the laugh she had merely seconds ago. Thoughts of Aran left her silent more often than not. The guilt raked deeply at her and some days her resolve ready to break and the idea of returning, apologizing and begging his forgiveness had great appeal. On some days it did. And then she remembered that He didn't fight her on it. He let her walk out the door. Right or wrong, he just simply left it at her choice. How could she fight him that when he just let her do what she wanted to do?

 

Shaking her head, no more thoughts of him, she tried to think on something else, anything else. Conveniently she heard voices on the far end of her makeshift sanctuary. Voices that should not have been there. A hand moved to the smaller of her blades on the table and with a perfectly practiced hand tied the sheath to her belt. There was no fear in her, Cairma knew very well that she could handle herself well with a sword and had proven time and again that few could best her in combat unless it was sheer numbers that overwhelmed her. Or if it was Rosheen. But that woman was just simply better than her.

 

A knock on the door brought Cairma's head to stare at it before moving soundlessly through the cabin to rest a hand on the handle. Her other hand to the pommel of the blade. Creaking open the door, Cairma gazed out to see a female looking back at her. Not wishing to be particularly rude, Cairma left the door only partially open. Noting the woman's stance with the stave. She was trained.

 

"Yes? Can I help you?"

 

 

Cairma Vishnu

[Wayfarer]

Seeing who it was that opened the door, Suzette lowered her stick a little.  After all, as a wanderer she had much less to fear from a woman than she did a man.  She didn't look Cairhienin, but then, that wasn't a problem.  "Light shine on you.  I am Suzette, I've been traveling from Cairhien and I was hoping to find someone living in these parts.  Half the farms I've come across have been abandoned, and the other half aren't always that friendly.  I was hoping that I might be able to trade with you, I would like to buy any provisions you might be willing to sell."

 

Cairma raised an eyebrow. Suspicious by nature, it almost seemed planned to her. But then more often than not she was duped on the most obvous ploys. "I have nothing to trade, but there is a stream nearby that is good for fishing. Plants with berries and other herbs that you are welcome to help yourself to." A tug at the back of her mind hinted to something but she brushed it away. Those tugs tend to never pan out for her. "I do not remember seeing many farmlands beyond this one, however there is a village about a day and a halfs journey south-west of here. It would be good for trading if that is what you seek."

 

"A day and a half?"  Her shoulders slumping as the woman finished speaking, Suzette was a touch upset at how this was going.  She was hoping that the woman would show a bit more compassion, but maybe she could appeal to her generosity yet.  "Please, I could make do for myself, but I also have my daughters.  Are you sure that there is nothing that you could spare?"

 

Cairma blinked at the woman. "Daughters?"

 

Suzette frowned at the woman's question, revealing them defeated the purpose of hiding them in the first place.  "I have two daughters."

 

"I see." No, she didn't. The apparent daughters were well hidden and it left Cairma not completely believing the story. But seeing as she had little to lose from a woman and her two daughters, she caved. But only a little. "Cairhien, was that where you were from? A long ways from home. Come. . . Your daughters are safe here." A small smile at that, Cairma tilted her head a fraction in thought. "Light knows the world is hard enough when they grow. Here children are safer than a Novice in the Tower." A hand moved away from the sword that suddenly seemed a little out of place. But one could never be too careful when company was unexpected. "I have fruits and berries that are still fresh. If you wish to rest up you can. There is not much here, just enough for me really. But.. " Pausing, she realized she was muttering. Never playing the role of a hostess, she was suddenly at a loss. What was she suppose to do? Falling on the ever easy offer, "Tea?"

 

Still eyeing the woman's sword as the offer of tea was made, Suzette hesitated before she lowered her staff and nodded.  "Thank you, that would be more than welcome."  At that, she turned to the trees and called out. 

 

"Jacqui!  Chloe!  Come!"  There was a slight pause before the pair emerged from behind a particularly large tree.  Jacqui had moved from the tree she'd first hidden behind, Suzette was going to have to have a talk with her about that later.  For now, she simply turned back to the woman who was watching and spoke.  "I don't believe I got your name before.  Also, there isn't anyone else around is there?"

 

Releasing the sword, Cairma held out a hand in a greeting. (do people shake hands anymore?) "Cairma." A fleeting frown passed her lips as she continued to smile. "You are the first I have seen in months."

 

Shaking the hand, Suzette nodded at the words and smiled slightly in return.  "Good, we haven't had much luck with strangers while we've been traveling.  We've been a bit cautious since, you understand?"

 

Cairma nodded. "I spent more time avoiding roads. But I was not in a hurry to anywhere particular. I found this place more by luck than anything. It was not mine but I suppose it is now. I doubt the previous inhabitants would mind as it has a few years of wear." She watched the girls as they approached. Children were odd to her. Growing up she avoided them. In Caemlyn she had poor luck with them, and after Tar Valon they were more adult then children. Personality flaws aside, of course. Seeing little else in the trees, she decided to take the woman for her word and turned to enter the cottage, setting her sword back to where it was. She wouldn't be needing it with children near by. "The tea will be a moment. Do not mind the smell." There was a scowl to her tone. "It's just burnt bread."

 

Following the woman inside, Suzette waited until the sword had been laid aside before she set her own staff to lean on a wall.  The woman seemed more cautious than anything else, but as a mother she needed to be careful all the same.  The aroma was quite distinct, and Cairma was quick to explain it even as she began to put the tea on.  Frowning, Suzette blurted.  "How did you bu-"  Catching herself quickly, Suzette tried again.  "Do you have anymore flour?"

 

Cairma chuckled a little. The woman was polite but it took work even for her. In a way it was endearing. Also another note that she made about her character. "I was never taught how to use one of these stone ovens. I am more of an open fire type of cook. I have more flour, and even some fish if you wish to stay for a more adequate meal." Feeling a little more benevolent with the woman no longer grasping a stave, Cairma moved easily around with a large kettle, setting it on the still hot stove. "I hope you like dark teas. It is all that I brought with me."

 

"That would be wonderful.  Jacqui, come over here, we'll make a couple of loaves."  Flour, water and a pinch of salt, all that was needed to help make the dough and then they could get to making the bread.  That was easy enough when you knew how, but it definitely took some elbow grease to accomplish.  That meant Chloe needed something to do in order to keep her out of mischief.  "Chloe, would you help the lady there?  Her name is Cairma."

 

Smiling slightly at the look on Cairma's face that she caught out of the corner of her eye as Chloe skipped over to her, Suzette turned her attention back to the flour.

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

 

The meal finished and the girls asleep on the pallet that Cairma used both woman sat in front of the fire with cups of tea in their hands. Cairma gazed thoughtfully into the fire, watching the flames lick away at the logs within, her stomach and inner child satisfied as her craving for bread perfectly sedated. She had to give the woman credit as she was skilled enough with the stone oven, but more so to herself as she had been decently accurate with her proportions. That was a memory that even she had been unsure of. There was no other way to be sure unless she tried it. Pure shame she failed at actually baking the bread.

 

Gingerly sipping the tea than placing the makeshift cup back into her lap in silence. She did not know what to make of the woman, but the afternoon had turned out well and the company quite favorable. Something about the woman did not sit as well with her as she could allow herself. Perhaps it was how she held the stave, or maybe how she had stumbled across a place in the middle of no where that Cairma picked specifically for solitude. Something was not completely calculating in her mind, but the girls. . . The children were a different story. They were the kink in whatever theory Cairma could acknowledge.

 

For course, She was a far cry from being of any form of innocence herself. Suspiciously settling in an abandoned farmhouse, Tower trained and pregnant. It was a wonder the other woman appeared relaxed as well. A mutual consensus perhaps. Cairma could not be too sure. Picking out these sort of details was something she struggled with, but at least her guard was still up. A smile on her lips at that thought. Her guard was rarely down even on good days. But she had come here to allow that guard to fall enough to actually take the time she needed away from the Tower. A home that now felt alien to her as confusion was the more dominant emotion connected to there.

 

Perhaps that was why she did not engage the woman in conversation. Instead settling for the easier calm of silence that was brought with the coming night. Questions asked were often returned. She did not feel ready to answer those type of questions. Instead, she did not say anything at all.

 

Slowly, Cairma sipped her dark tea.

 

 

Cairma Vishnu