Will you keep my back? (attn: Aramina)

[Arette]

It had taken more than a painstaking hour and many rounds of washing the feet of the Sitters before they all had stood. Annais had almost despaired after the third time and been certain that she and the Grays would be exiled. But she had continued stonily wondering what the motives of the woman remaining Sitting were. Some likely had wanted to humble her but unlike for example Sirayn, she would not hold grudges over such things. They were just signals that better trust was needed to establish and the Sitters were hard enough to work with even without such emotional baggages.

 

Adrai and Raeyn came together to lead her where the high-backed chair stood, heavy and ornately carved in vines and leaves, painted in the colors of all the Ajahs. It was the Amyrlin Seat and this would be from where Annais would oversee the Hall's meetings from now on. The two eldest Sitters pulled up her bodice and draped the stole of her position around her shoulders while all the Sitters chanted in unison "You are Raised to the Amyrlin Seat, in the glory of Light, that the White Tower may endure forever. Annais Nevell, the Keeper of the Seals, the Flame of Tar Valon, the Amyrlin Seat. May the Light illumine the Amyrlin Seat and the White Tower."

 

It still felt unreal when Annais sat down on and the Sitters lined up in order of age behind the Gray Sitters who were her Pledgers. She seeked out the two most familiar faces from the group, Maegan and Aramina, but their faces were unreadable. Light, she would have to choose her Keeper tonight. She had never understood how it was supposed to work with her spending the night in solitude and prayer. Most Amyrlins had a close Ajah Sister who they would entrust the Staff to and Annais could certainly name a few Grays who she would gladly work with. And she knew that some Sitters expected her to keep Kareja who had been Sirayn's Keeper and from her own Ajah. But none of the Grays had been her first associations. Sirayn had set the precedence with choosing a Keeper from another Ajah even if the Hall had likely had a hand in it. But a Gray Sister made a perfect partner to Sirayn who always hadn't been quite so diplomatical. How much she had listened to Kareja then was questionable. In the current political situation it would be a good symbol if she too chose her Keeper across the Ajah lines and factions.

 

Annais definately wanted someone who she would hear out and who would give solid advice and provide point of views that she herself hadn't come to think of. A White or Brown might be the best for that but but... she wanted someone who she could feel completely comfortable with. Shaneevae was the prime candidate among the Browns but Annais couldn't really see her as a Keeper as much as she adored her old friend. From the Whites Annais could definately work with Lillian but she was a bit too young and hadn't entirely gotten over her desire to travel yet. She would feel confined in her position and a Keeper needed to be fully motivated.

 

Phaeadra spread her skirts in a deep curtsy. "Please allow me to serve, Mother."

 

"You may serve the Tower, daughter", Annais replied absent-mindedly as she continued to mull over the Keeper candidates. Phaeadra kissed her Great Serpent ring and made space for Ziya who made her curtsy. Down the line it went and Annais didn't have to give much thought to going through the protocol.

 

Maegan was definately a tempting choice but choosing a Red would be a political suicide when it came to the Dragon and the Black Tower. It pained her to overlook a friend and solid candidate just because of her Ajah but it was just a fact of life. That left the woman she had thought the very first, Aramina of the Greens. Sirayn, a Green Amyrlin had had a Gray Keeper so it would be finely fitting that a Gray Amyrlin had a Green Keeper. It would also suit very well the plans she had for stopping the dragging of feet and truly beginning the preprations for the Last Battle.

 

Aramina and she had many similar strenghts, they both played the Great Game well and had extensive nets of Eyes and Ears. But their networks did not overlap as far as she knew and a Keeper who could expand her coverage of news was extremely valuable. Their personalities and ways of thinking however were quite different even if they held similar views about many things. It might fly in the face of the tradition but Annie would speak with Ara tonight and see if they really would work well as a team.

 

When the Green Sitter gave her respects, Annais tried to move her lips as little as possible and murmured quietly enough to her ears only. "Meet me at the Amyrlin's quarters." Aramina nodded that she had understood and Annais completed the form with her and continued until Adrai, the last Sitter, was done with. It was eerie to be left alone in the Hall of the Tower and she exited the grand room quickly through the corridor leading to the Amyrlin's private rooms. Sirayn's things had been left untouched and Annais found Aramina waiting for her already, peering around. The room likely arouse memories as Sirayn and Aramina had been close. But Annie was going to bring to surface some recollections that were even older.

 

"Do you remember once when Natalie made us all dress up and assume roles? She was the Mistress of the Novices and I was the Amyrlin and you the Keeper with a mop as your Staff. She would have made a good MoNster I think. But the Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills", she sighed. "And then after Nat had... I promised that I wouldn't be going anywhere from you. I tried to fill Nat's boots in keeping old friends together but I wasn't her. I kept trying to get you involved but you preferred being alone and I gave up. And then I was Raised. Have you ever thought on those times with regret? I wish that I could have been a better friend."

 

Annais Nevell

Amyrlin Seat

[Arette]

The second choosing of a new Amyrlin was not sitting well with one Aramina sur Dulciena.  The fact that the Tower would be looking towards new guidance once again only gave the Tower instability when it needed it's strength the most.  The fact that Aramina has been extremely dedicated to the former Amyrlin did not help the process.  She showed no surprise as her novice-hood friend was brought in to be made the Amyrlin Seat, but her heart was heave with memories that she would rather not have had to face.  Too many things that had happened lately were leading her back to face the fact that she had made herself something far different than she had ever thought to be.  Each step had seemed wise and even inevitable at the time, but each had taken her further and further into the solitude that was her only escape.

 

But things were different now.  Far different.  Sirayn was gone, the woman who had been her guiding light all these years, the woman that had taken her under wing when she had been in the Green Shawl for barely a week.  She had been a part of Sirayn's Order since then and had only once regretted it.  She was leaderless now though and while she knew that some would be glad to have Sirayn's influence over them gone, she was not one of them, nor would she ever be.  Sirayn had been the strength the Tower needed to lead it through hard times, no matter if the others saw it or not.  And there were certainly others that would disagree on that point.  Aran for one.  She tried to push the thought of him aside, but the pain still reared just as strongly as it had when she had tried to speak with him.  He was different now.  What hurt the most probably was that he couldn't see that she, too, was different.  Her experiences in Kandor had changed her and she had thought that Aran of all people would be happy about that.  He had not seen it though, he was too consumed with his own losses and she couldn't seem to bridge the gap between them.  She had no experience in this sort of thing and her words were turned to lead as she tried.

 

But she had Rosheen now.  Kandor had given her that.  A strong warder who had battled at her side, who had been tortured for being hers, and who had managed to get her help when she had been leashed and left to her pain in Tar Valon.  Aramina had always considered herself strong, but she knew that it was Rosheen's strength that was getting her through today and had been for some time.  Perhaps even before the bond, when they had been alone in Kandor trying to help the villages they could and helping move the ones that decided to move to safer havens.  She felt through the bond, felt the determination and compassion in her Warder and gave a small smile even as she stood to her feet and moved into line with the other Sitters.  Rosheen had been a gift in Kandor, but not the only one.  Though perhaps others would disagree that what Duram had given her were truly gifts, she chose to see them that way.  He had given her visions of a different time and a different way of life.  He had shown her what her kind had once been like, and though Aramina knew that they could never live that way again, she had some ideas that might be fruitful.  She would never live the mantel of Aes Sedai as Duram had shown her, but she would do what she could.  It was all that anyone could ask.

 

As she bowed for the Mother, she was surprised by Annais's request to join her in the Amyrlin's Quarters when they were done.  She gave a bare nod to the Amyrlin Seat before moving away as the others had.  Whatever reason the Mother wanted to see her, it was private and she would not cause more tongues to wag than needed so she took a long way to the Amyrlin's Quarters which she knew would still get her there before Annais was done with the others.

 

She was in the waiting room, trying to figure out what could be wanted of her when the Mother walked in.  She curtsied as was appropriate but Annais barely seemed to notice it.  Her words came out of the blue but the memories were still fresh as she had been thinking of them when Annais had been first brought in.  She nodded her head at the memories, then sighed softly at the other woman's words.  "There is much that I regret in my life Mother.  Turning away from those that wanted to help me through my grief is one of those things." She wasn't about to mention that it was only thanks for a disreputable Tower Guard and one of the Forsaken that she had seen the error of those particular ways though.  "You tried to be a good friend in those days, but I would not have it.  I chose solitude as my strength instead of friends.  I regret that I was not there for you more either.  You were close to us both and when Natalie died, you lost us both and I gave no comfort."

 

Aramina sur Dulciena

Green Sitter

[Arette]

Aramina called Annais by the customary honorary Mother here in private too. But then the permission to be less formal had to come from her, she just hadn't come to think that it would be necessary. She wondered what all Aramina regretted. There was so much of her life and the woman that she didn't know anymore. They had gotten a bit closer over the past few weeks after the Green's return from Kandor and there was still much left of the Accepted she had once been friends with but it was what was different that she wanted to get familiar with.

 

"I had others to solace me then but none of us tried persistently enough to be there for you. But that is past now. I feel like we have been bridging the gap a bit recently and I wouldn't want my position to come in between. I am still the same woman I have always been - in private at least. So can we please leave that Mother out. Maybe you'll even call me Annie again one day. Do you mind if I call you Ara? You don't have to agree just because I am... well..."

 

"But despite wanting to keep this non-formal, I asked you here to discuss some more serious issues too. This promotion came to me as a quite surprise and now I am supposed to spend a night alone and awake and still choose a Keeper without discussing it with her or anyone first. I am obviously going around that as you are here. So as Aramina the Sitter and Aramina the friend, what is your advice on the matter? What kind of Keeper does the Tower need currently and what kind of a Keeper would suit me well?"

 

Annais Nevell

Amyrlin Seat

[Arette]

It was perhaps the last thing she had been expecting to hear.  She didn't doubt the unexpectedness of the summons to the Hall but it made her wonder all the more why Annais had brought up their younger days and then changed the subject so abruptly.  She need time to think things through so she took on the first issue.  Ara had been a name that all the wrong people knew.  Once it had been a name she only imparted to friends like Natalie, but in time it had become her name when she traveled.  Though she could honestly admit that the people that knew her as Ara now probably knew her better than those that had lived by her side in the 100 years since she had closed herself off.  Only Aran had called her that in recent years, 'Princess Ara' when he was in the mood to tweak her but even he used Ara on few occasions.  And not at all now.  She pushed the thought of Aran aside.  "Of course you may call me Ara, Annais." She said, making it clear that she would concede to the Mother's wish on her name.  "There was a time when you wouldn't have had to ask.  I would prefer to see those times again."

 

It was odd to think of Annais as friend after all these years, but when rumor had reached Rosheen as her Warder tried to get her unleashed, Aramina had given Rosheen a very small list of women that she trusted enough to see her collared as she had been.  Three women, a very short list indeed.  Sirayn, Lillian, and Annais.  She didn't know why Annais had turned up on that list, nor why after all these years she had thought the woman would still want a friendship, but of her Novice and Accepted days, Annais was the only one she had known that was still at the Tower.  The only one that had tried from time to time to rekindle something that had died on a battlefield long years ago.  It had been Annais that Rosheen had found and because of the confidence of that moment Aramina had shared her experience in Kandor with her before any other, unsure of where to turn with Sirayn gone.

 

She took a deep breath and took the easy answer first.  "As a Sitter?  Well, you ask a Sitter of the Green Ajah so I will not try to hide my beliefs behind words of politics and the Game which we both play.  Bluntly, you are a strong diplomat and it is to your advantage, but you need a strong strategic mind behind you as well.  We are heading all too swiftly for the Last Battle and though diplomacy might get us allies for that, we will need to fight.  The Hall has been at war within itself for as long as there has been such a thing as the Hall.  You need a Keeper that will appease the various factions but will not concede to their wishes just to please them.  A strong woman, even among Aes Sedai.  And it need be someone you can trust.  The Hall was well aware that Sirayn was not given a choice over her Keeper and was more than willing to try to use the bridge between them to cause trouble.  A Keeper you can trust, at least outwardly, will give the illusion of a united front that will not be tested near as much as the last one was."

 

It was harder to say the next words, harder to bridge this gap between them that she had created but she was someone else now.  Her love for Aran had made her aware of her own loneliness and Duram's words had taught her how close she had come to losing her humanity because she had shut herself off so completely.  She felt the bond with Rosheen, felt the confidence and loyalty that was ever present in her Warder and took comfort in it.  "As a friend, I say find someone that will watch out for you Annais.  We have lost too many great women of late.  The Last Battle draws ever closer and nothing we do will make you safe now.  I would not want to mourn you now that I have finally found you again."

 

Aramina sur Dulciena

Green Sitter

[Arette]

Aramina wouldn't mind her using her nick name which was a small step toward the days of old again. She nodded sadly in agreement that once she wouldn't have needed to make sure that Ara was alright with it. But it was good to know that she longed back that time too and it made a good ground to build on again. It had meant alot to her that Aramina had sent her Warder to approach her when she had returned from Kandor collared. They could have worked together even without that but Annais wanted to like her Keeper and have more than just a professional relationship with her. That was why she didn't seriously consider Kareja. The woman might have the experience but she and Annais had never really clicked even though they had been able to work together on missions succesfully.

 

She listened carefully as Aramina listed the needed traits and agreed with her on every point. More proof that her choice had been the right one. Their thoughts flowed similarly but there were enough differences that Ara could give her new perspectives. She smiled brightly when the Green told her to find someone to secure her back. The great women remark earned Aramina an amused 'phaw'. Annais could hardly be compared to women like Karana and Lanfir. What ever flaws the Brown Amyrlin had had, she had been one of the oldest and respected Sisters in the White Tower. There had been no doubts that she was a strong woman who had guided the Tower even if her direction and ways hadn't pleased the Sitters and created concord. And Lanfir had spent time in retirement but it had just grown her reputation and as a Sitter and brief time as an Amyrlin in difficult circumstances she had proved her worth again.

 

"Lets see. Strong strategic mind, someone who appeases the factions without lackeying any, a strong woman I can trust and who guards my back. All very good traits that I would have chosen myself too. And I am lucky enough to know just the right person who fills all criteria. Do you feel like you fit the description, Ara?"

 

Annais Nevell

Amyrlin Seat

[TaeaDawn]

She hadn't been prepared for the question, though even as shock filled her mind she realized she should have expected it.  Had she seen any other woman walking into the Amyrlin's Quarters she would have suspected it was to be the new Keeper, but she had never imagined Annais might ask her this. 

 

So many things had happened to her lately, so much that left doubt and pain in a heart that had once had room only for the Tower.  She had lost Aran and her heart still grieved more than she would have thought possible.  She had gained a Warder and a friend in Rosheen.  She had lost Sirayn and had been leashed by a DreadLady.  And she had danced with one of the Forsaken.  She wasn't the person she had been a few months before, but in some ways she hoped she was better.  She hoped that even if she wasn't a better Aes Sedai, that she was a better person.  It was the person she was now that was trying to reach out to Annais when she talked about the past.  It was the person she was now that thought about what she could do in the position of Keeper.    The person she had been would not have thought twice about the question but would have said yes automatically. 

 

She took a deep breath as she looked at Annais.  "I do no know if I am that woman Annais."  She said honestly.  "I am not as strong as I always thought I was. I ... I am not the woman I was  before Kandor." She said, hoping Annais would think it was just the leash that she was talking about.  "I am your friend though.  I will watch out for you, no matter what choice you make."

 

Aramina

 

 

[Arette]

Clearly alot was going on behind that smooth face but Annais waited patiently, giving Aramina time to gather her thoughts. "I always saw you more as someone who had hardened herself against pain rather than someone who was strong enough to endure it and live with it", she said compassionately. "But then I am not sure if anyone is really that strong. You've begun to doubt the way you have been for years and I admire that more than any of your other good abilities. To be able to self-reflect honestly and then work on those realisations... that is real strenght."

 

"And you are my first choice but I don't want you to say yes just because you are my friend or because you feel like you have to. I need you to really want it for what ever motive you have. I didn't have a choice but to take this position but you have that chance. Why would you make a good Keeper and why wouldn't you? What would being a Keeper mean to you?"

 

Annais Nevell

Amyrlin Seat

[TaeaDawn]

It was a surreal moment, to realize that Annais truly had called her here to become the Keeper of the Chronicles.  Aes Sedai had a way of dancing around words and all Annais's pretty words so far could have been anything, but she had said it straight out now.  She understood the talk of Natalie and other times, bringing up the relationship they had once had.  Not only was there a position of power in the offering, but a nice juicy carrot at the end of a string for her as well.  If she just accepted the carrot she would get to renew that friendship. 

 

There was no doubt that Annais was skilled in what she did.  Aramina wondered if she even realized how nicely she had wrapped this whole thing up for her.  If there was an Aes Sedai in the Tower that would turn down the offer, she didn't know them.  To be the Keeper was to gain influence and confidences from all over the Tower, people wanting the Amyrlin to know they shared her views or who wanted to see if she did would often feel out the Keeper.  In fact it was part of her job to understand who stood with or against her Amyrlin when the Hall met.  It was a position she could well see herself in.  But did she have the right to the stole?  She fingered the shawl she wore now, green fabric still lush and well cared for, wondering for the umpteenth time since returning from Kandor is she had the right to that either. 

 

She wore it and it's title but she wasn't sure she deserved them anymore.  As Keeper though, she would be able to vent these frustrations into something more constructive than simple self doubt.  If she could gain the Amyrlin's ear she could start talking about what it meant to be a servant of all and what they could do to be both servant and guardian.  Though the title was not both, with the Last Battle coming they had to be.  The world needed their strength, as diminished as it was, to help lead the fight against the forces of dark.

 

"It would seem you already know my qualities but if you have me list them..." She said with a small smile.  "You know that if I were your Keeper that I would be loyal to you."  Sirayn was gone now and for the first time since she had first worn the shawl she could say those words without pause.  "I am well versed in the Great Game and even more so in the game of the Hall and it's alliances.  I know who to appease and who to set against one another.  We would work well together, as we once did.  Though years have parted us, I do not doubt that to be true."

 

"As for what qualities I have that you may not like... I suppose that I have my own agenda, but you will have that from any Sister put in this position.  I dislike staying in the Tower and that will not change, though I would put aside my traveling for this."  She wondered if Rosheen would hate her for making her stay in the Tower or if she would be relieved?  It had taken a few days to adjust to one another on the battle field but they had worked well together in the end.  Would she be grateful that she didn't have to worry about that again? 

 

"And lastly, what would this mean to me?  Power of course.  Stature.  But more than that."  Now it would mean more than that.  A few months ago it would have been just that.  Of course, would Annais have even thought to ask her a few months ago, if she hadn't been collared and had to send for Annais to free her?  "It is a chance to do something right.  I have hid behind much in my lifetime and now that I no longer wish to do so I find the goals of my life have a wider scope."  so her views before had been as simple as keep the Tower whole and strong for the Last Battle.  Simple and impossible by her own definitions.  Her goals now were somewhat more grand and less imposing.  Help the people they could.  Send teams of Sisters into the world to help people instead of isolating them.  Ideas that had come from one of the Forsaken, but that she held to be true none the less. 

 

Aramina sur Dulciena