Something Positive ... er!

[Sam]

With a slink she slunk and sneak she snuck though the brown quarters and she was in luck, for the halls were silent as the grave. Or that blasted library! Rory had no way of knowing, having never set foot in this area of the tower before, that the Brown Ajah enjoyed its silence and seclusion in the library and in its private wing.  A blessing in disguise, for, had she known prior it would have been long, long ago that she decided to grace its halls with her lively presence.

 

Rory had found a rather unflattering portrait of a certain trolloc while browsing through the library

and determined it useful for future purposes. Now was the future, and this hall right here was her purpose. The day of one very (un)fortunate Brown Sister was going to be brightened severely today, whether she liked it or not.

 

Creating the illusion was the easy part. Selecting it to appear in just the right manner at just the right time, which would be when someone other than herself walked into this juncture of the hallway, was the challenging part. Rory felt her skills adequate to the task and so she began, stopping every few moments to listen for detection. It never came.

 

When she was finished the Accepted rubbed her hands with glee and considered where best to hide. With gentle pressure she tested the doors and found them snugly locked, probably warded too, now that she thought about it. It was very silent in this part of the tower. The only idea she could think of was circling the area and making busy. That way she could avoid most annoying questions like, “what are you doing here?” “Who let you in?” “What are you doing with that tinder box and candles?” Yes. That would do nicely.

 

[Arette]

Blocks that the wilders developed to protect their untrained mind from the One Power had fascinated Arette since the days of Jelane, her first mentee to have one. She did not gladly remember what had happened to the poor girl after they had successfully overcome her issue as she still blamed herself for blindness to the signs. But at least she knew better now and could be on a lookout with the new initiates trusted into her care. After Jelene she had been considered to have some expertise on the matter and more girls with block had been assigned to her over the years.

 

She liked to keep herself abreast of things and exchanged stories with other Sisters who had similar mentees and read old accounts. The particular paper she worked on needed an example case and she knew just which one she should use. Only she didn't have the book in her room anymore. She had stumbled on a pile of tomes on the way to her bedroom one night and decided that maybe it was time to return some to the Library finally. Now the hoarding would start again, she realised with a self-ironic smile. Thankfully she had been in her room above thr Library today and not in the official Brown Quarters in the White Tower itself. The amount of stairs would have been an effort.

 

Her physical condition was quite atrocious, she decided as she walked along the white tiled corridor toward the stairwell that lead to the Library. Maybe she should take Eladari Sedai's advice and start training in the Yards. It sounded very drudgery and she wasn't certain how well she could hold to the trick of no sweating when she was breathless from running and what have you and the idea of perspiring wasn't a very welcome one. Swimming might be her thing instead...

 

Her ponderings were interrupted when out of nowhere came a roar and a hulking form of a trolloc ran around a corner with a blood dripping axe high above its head ready to crash on her head. Arette let out a frightened squeak and embraced Saidar in a heartbeat ready to roast the beast even as she took hasty steps backwards. Her balance wasn't at it's best and the woollen slippers slided under her and she found herself falling back. There was only pain and blackness when her skull connected with the floor resoundly and a widening pool of red begun to spread on the pristine white.

 

Arette Nenatiar

Clumsy old dustbag

[Sam]

Rory bounded out of the hallway, her tell-tale cheeky grin plastered from ear to ear. Laughter was held in readiness, to be used when she saw the look on the poor Brown Sister’s face. Mmm. There was nothing sweeter than Aes Sedai’s tears in the morning, excepting of course, when she was the cause. A delicacy to savour!

 

The grin melted from her face in a moment of horrified confusion: The Aes Sedai was not moving, and an unmistakable splash of blood fanned from beneath her head. Rory became afraid, her belly turned to ice and she felt for a moment she would pass out. Her heart beat too loudly, and the colour drained from her face as it was the Brown Sister’s.

 

No, no, no, no, no. Calm down, Rory, you do no be freaking out now. She was pacing back and forth, her wringing her hands, chewing her bottom lip, eyes darting in every direction. If she had not panicked she may have been able to aid the fallen Aes Sedai herself, but she had, couldn’t and after her eyes rolled towards the hallway like a frightened calf she broke into a mad-dash run, caring very little for modesty.

 

She dismissed her first thought, Lillian, who was not often in the tower itself, and Rory could waste precious time in the searching. Saline she dismissed, too, but with a little more regret. Lillian’s disapproval she could handle, but Saline’s? She could go to the infirmary but it was so far away and there was no guarantee anyone would be in reception to help her. No. She knew where she would go, and it was a testament to her fear that she chose to do so.

 

The Mistress of Novices was stern, firm, and uncompromising, but Rory had never known her not to be in her office, bogged down by paper work, she would be there. She had to be. She would know what to do, she always knew what to do, and right now that is precisely what was required.

 

She stopped in front of the Mistress’ door, too afraid to knock. Rory did not know how to say it, how to explain what she had done, or how to ask for help. Crying was very appealing, or running and burying herself in bed to hide but those things were cowardly and she couldn’t bring herself to flee, but nor could she immediately bring herself to knock on the door.

 

Closing her eyes, feeling the eager tears, she offered a silent prayer to the Creator and knocked on the door.

 

[Wayfarer]

Leaning over Arette, Darienna frowned as she brushed some stray hairs either side of the woman's face.  Her colour was returning, though she still looked a little wan.  But she would be fine, Darienna had made sure of that.  Not that it had helped with Rory bursting into her office wildly incoherent.  The words 'Aes Sedai' and 'bleeding' were enough to have Darienna hitch up her skirts and running towards the Brown Ajah Quarters only to find the woman lying on the marble and bleeding from a head wound.  Delving had revealed Arette had possessed a cracked skull amongst other things, not outside of Darienna's talents but certainly taxing all the same.

 

Tilting the woman's head slightly, Darienna nodded to herself as she noted that the towel wasn't soaking up anymore blood.  Caking on her hair and scalp instead, it was going to be painfully annoying to wash out completely considering how much hair was in her bun, but no doubt not so painful as the headache the woman was going to wake up with.  Letting Arette's head rest back, she pulled the stray hair's behind the woman's ears again.  She would have to have a discussion with Arette after she woke up, but first things were first.

 

Adjusting the blankets that were wrapped around the Brown sister, Darienna turned and left Arette's bedroom, closing the door behind her as she did so.  Letting herself into the main room where Arette would receive guests, Darienna didn't even look at Rory who was seated on one of Arette's modest chairs.  Instead, she picked up her pipe from the table where she'd left it and frowned as she realised that it had burnt out what tabac had been in there while she'd been tending to Arette.

 

Walking over to the window, Darienna quite deliberately turned her back on the girl, and that was the only way she could think of Rory at this moment, as she withdrew some more tabac from a pouch hanging from her belt.  Stuffing it in the pipe, a brief embrace with the source had it alight, the sweet aroma helping her calm a number of feelings that were running through her as she put the pipe to her lips and found some much needed relief.  An experience aggravated by Rory attempting to say something but after holding her hand up three times, it was no longer needed.

 

Perhaps as many as ten minutes passed, maybe longer, before Darienna felt she was ready to speak.  Embracing the source again only long enough to weave a warding against prying ears from the room, she didn't even turn around to face Rory as she spoke.  She preferred the view of the city below and the land beyond to the Accepted who had disappointed her.  After the years she had spent dealing with Rory, the girl had successfully tried her patience beyond its limits.

 

It was with an unusually quiet voice that Darienna employed as she spoke.  "Rory, how old are you?  And how many years have you been one of the Accepted?"

 

Listening to the answers, Darienna vocalised her musings.  "You're thirty years old, and this is your seventh year as one of the Accepted.  You know, if you hadn't come to the Tower, you'd probably be married by now.  You'd have children of your own, as opposed to showing a dangerous disregard better suited to a child."

 

"You know if you'd dawdled, if you'd hesitated, there was the possibility that she might have been permanently damaged?"  Lifting her pipe from her mouth, Darienna added.  "And no, coming and getting me does not make this alright.  It means that my sister didn't bleed to death on the floor, it does not mean that you get to shirk your responsibility with 'I didn't mean to' and 'it was an accident'.  Every other time something has ever happened, like when you chipped that Aes Sedai's tooth, its been this little mantra you've repeated to yourself time and time again."

 

"That stops now."  Replacing her pipe, a trail of smoke followed Darienna as she turned to face the girl finally.  There was anger there but it was the sort that burned cold, the one that was made apparent by the fact that you couldn't see it on a person's face save for in the depths of their eyes and the cold tone.  "Do you really want your wish to come true Rory?  Do you not want to be here anymore?  Because after nearly killing one of my sisters, I'm just about ready to wash the Tower's hands of you."

 

That got her, Darienna could see that much on the girl's face but she didn't give Rory a chance to respond.  "Time and time again, I've given you leniency.  I've given you punishments that were designed to teach you as much as they were to discipline you.  I've shown you an infinite amount of patience, and this is how it is repaid, with an even greater act of gross stupidity."

 

"And thats the thing that angers me the most.  You're not an idiot, you have a head on your shoulders and an education far better to what you would ever have had from your home, whether you'd come from some filthy backwater or been the daughter of a King.  You have every opportunity given to you to excel, but instead you waste it.  You indulge in the most juvenile acts and they aren't even juvenile because they're pranks, they're juvenile because you're so selfish.  You don't think about others when you do these things, and the moment someone gets hurt you're puzzled, confused, as if nothing could ever have gone wrong."

 

"Everytime this happens, and its happened enough that I don't even need to know the details of this particular escapade to know whats gone on, its something that could have easily been averted if you'd actually thought about the people around you.  But no, this pathetic selfishness persists and while we might need Aes Sedai, we're not so desperate that we're going to give a Shawl to someone who can't even think of the safety of those around her before she engages in some foolish action."

 

"As it is, you leave me no choice."  Turning away again, Darienna looked out across the scenery as she spoke.  "You seem set on wasting your chances and your opportunities, not to mention disgracing the years that your mentor Saline and others such as Lillian Sedai have spent on you, always being there for your first months when you tried to grasp saidar to this very day.  Furthermore, not only are you content to destroy your own future but you're dragging Saline down with you.  Its your own choice to do with yourself as you want, but I am not going to allow you to ruin her bright prospects, and they are very bright, with your singleminded devotion to your own wants without a thought to her.  Because clearly you're not thinking about her when you constantly go and cause trouble, then you leave her to wear it as your mentor.  It could be tolerated when you were younger, but not anymore."

 

"You will be assigned new quarters, you won't be allowed to speak to her and you will do all your work within my office with me watching over you because that is the only option you've left me short of throwing you out of the Tower altogether.  You've pushed, you've pushed, then you've pushed some more, and this is what you've wrought for yourself and everyone around you.  If you want to be a careless child, well from this day forward I'll treat you like one until you learn better because clearly giving you the chance to work things out for yourself was a complete waste of time."

 

 

Darienna Ceradin

Mistress of Novices

[Sam]

Rory’s expression twisted in a way unidentifiable with any commonly defined emotion, and all vitality whooshed out of her small body. She was glad for the chair else she would have fallen, further debasing herself in the eyes of Darienna Sedai.  She had finally done it, crossed the hazy line of Darienna’s patience into an alien gray area she would rather not have experienced: the Mistress of Novices in Anger.

 

The Accepted had always been better at expressing herself physically, words often proving inefficient and difficult. Right now she felt utterly miserable, and a small part of expected her body to reflect this. She felt as though her belly were filled with fire, and as the punishment unfolded her chin wobbled.  If only Arette Sedai hadn’t fallen. Oh, Rory, you do be for it now!

 

Always before Saline had remained her safety-net, her life line, nothing was quite so bad while she could bury her small body in the arms of her roommate, as she wished she could now. But no, that one constant in her life was being stripped from her, taken away in a punitive act of vengeance. Rory garbled, actually garbled, in an attempt to mitigate her sentence, to think of some way of explaining her actions and her whelming regret at what she had done.

 

It would have been a lie, but who cared so long as it got her out of the worst of it? It had been an accident. Accidental, she had meant no malice and no harm. Arette Sedai was healed now, wasn’t she? Everything was fine. Why was she being punished so harshly then? It was about control, always about control.

 

Just as Nynaeve Sedai had attempted to subdue her through humiliation, Darienna wanted to exert her power through discipline. She had not let Nynaeve Sedai break her spirit, and she wouldn’t let Darienna! She had almost believed that the Mistress of Novices had been acting for her benefit, had almost allowed herself to be convinced that she had no ulterior motive.

 

Looking back through her years as an Accepted, and those years as a Novice reminded her not to be enamoured so easily. Yes, Darienna Sedai had always treated her fairly, but what if, just what if it was all a lie; a ploy and a deception. She wouldn’t be fooled so easy by manipulative women wishes to dominate her!

 

As “righteous” anger began to take purchase, the flame in her belly spread to her heart. The blood returned to her face with a rushing sound like a swarm of bees and her self-pity and sorrow were buried in a tide of unashamed rebellion. Her voice was slick with sarcasm, thick with the boiling-point cussedness. Her chin set in that particular way....

 

“I do be getting it now. You do be just like the others, trying to force me into submission. It do be accidental, I do no be meaning for anyone to be hurt. You do be just like Nynaeve Sedai, just like the rest. All you do be wanting is for me to be doing what you tell me to do, for no other reason than you told me to do it. Well, your punishment do be unfair!

 

“I do be having Lillian Sedai, and I do be having Saline. One do be gone most of the time anyway, and you do be taking from me the only person I do knowing, do be caring about.  I do be sorry that life as the Mistress of Novices do be lonely; I sympathise, but you do no be needing to take that out on me! I do be sorry that I be having Saline for a friend, but that no do be giving you right to take that away from me!”

 

OOC: Feel free to stomp her into little bits, she needs it!

[Wayfarer]

There it was.  There were only two ways Rory could have gone, and Darienna had hedged her bets on the angry tantrum.  Without looking at Rory, it was easy to imagine her as a girl new to her whites.  Emboldened by some false sense of entitlement as if she had somehow been deprived.  It might have been that way at first, but Rory was well past that point now even if she didn't want to admit it to herself.  It was a hard thing for those Novices and Accepted that had come from good homes to admit to themselves that if they were to do it all over again, they would choose to come to the Tower of their own free will, leaving their loved ones behind.

 

Despite anticipating it, the angst that Rory grated a little nevertheless.  Serving to simply stoke Darienna's anger, she turned about and served Rory a particularly intense gaze, allowing it to work on the girl for a moment before speaking.  "Condescension?  From you?  I don't know how that was ever a good idea to begin with, but that pitiful array of insults just goes to prove my point.  Do you ever even listen to yourself, Rory?  Because here is what I hear."

 

"Oh woe is me!"  Holding the back of her right hand to her forehead as she arched her back slightly, Darienna clasped her hands together before herself as she spoke.  "I'm being enslaved!  You're all trying to break me so you can use me and I am such a victim!  You're just jealous of me!  You wish you had my friend because you're so evil that you must have none!  She's mine!  I found her first!"

 

Cocking her head to one side as if hearing something, Darienna's hands parted slightly as if in supplication as her tone adopted a half whiney, half apologetic tone.  "But its not my fault, you have to believe me.  How was I meant to know that my prank would nearly kill an Aes Sedai?  And that bread, it was completely unforeseeable that she would crack her tooth on it.  Oh, but she has plenty more teeth where they came from she'll be fine."  And so Darienna continued through about a dozen of Rory's more prominent pranks, miming handwashing as she did so.

 

When she was done, Darienna slipped from her guise of Rory's protests to her usual self and tone.  "Thats what I hear from you, every single time like this one.  You're going to try and tell me that Arette Sedai was an accident?  You created the situation where she got hurt, and now all of a sudden its not your responsibility?  She nearly dies and all you can muster up is you're not the boss of me!  Yes, you truly do Saline's mentoring marvellous credit."

 

"But what do I know?  I'm just another Aes Sedai who is out to control you aren't I?"  The smile on Darienna's face was far from warm as she added.  "You seem to know everything.  You don't need to listen to anyone, because not listening to everyone around you has served you so well hasn't it?  Go on.  You tell me then.  How is it not your fault that one of my sisters nearly died?  How have you not been dragging Saline down and leaving her to wear the blame for every mistake you make?  How have you not been making an embarrassment of her and ruining her future prospects?  Go on Rory, you have all the answers, lets hear it."

 

 

Darienna Ceradin

Mistress of Novices

[Sam]

The frown that Saline had always considered “cute” deepened into a scowl. Darienna’s reflection of her own behaviour was far from mollifying, she even went so far as to mimic her voice, and her actions! Rory was not feeling very positive toward Darienna in that moment, if anything she was beginning to get a little heated. Already angry in general, her ill will honed in on the nearest object, Darienna Sedai and her lewd representation of her behaviour.

 

Rory’s grip upon the arm rests of her chair was unnaturally harsh as the lecture continued. She was honestly doing her level best to break something with that grip, and even though she didn’t succeed it helped to redirect her mounting temper. Being provoked was not something Rory had ever encountered, and she did not like it one bit.

 

Rory’s impulsive reaction to having another person try to order her about was less than anger and more instinct. When she had struck Saline she was not so much angry as determined, the act of violence had happened naturally and without a large deal of thought. The scenarios playing through her mind at present required were much more thought intensive, and anger inspired.

 

No longer was she trying to flee the tower, this fact was easily discernable through her actions, and the fact that she had taken the test to become Accepted, rather than simply leave when the opportunity presented itself. Now she was simply guilty, and redirecting it at an enemy far easier to strike at, in this case, Darienna.

 

Her face was becoming flushed from the increase in her heart-rate as adrenaline began to flood her system. She was reaching the end of her patience, and attempting to physically assault the Aes Sedai was becoming a more realistic outlet. Being mocked and mimicked was so infuriating!

 

Before Rory had the chance to make good on her violent fancies, however, Darienna unleashed a barrage of sarcastic questions. Rory was unsure as to whether or not they were rhetorical in nature, they may well have been, but something was going to give, and this time it was her tongue before her fists.

 

“I do no be leaving Saline responsible for any of my actions! I do be taking credit for my own pranks. She no do be involved! I no do be reflecting on Saline, I do no be Saline, I do be Rory and everyone do be knowing that Saline has nothing to do with my actions, they do be my own. Everyone do be knowing that, and if they ask I do be telling them.

 

“Saline no do be my mentor any more, I do be Accepted, the same as she, and I do be answerable only to full Sisters. I no do be ruining prospects for anyone, and you do be lying for saying so. What do be it reflecting on Saline if I do be making mistakes, everyone do be making mistakes! Even you do be making them when you were young, I do be betting! I do be responsible for myself, not her!”

[Wayfarer]

Darienna could see the signs in Rory, each and every one of them that she had been looking for.  Rory had been using her shell for a nice long time to hide from everything, now she could sense that it was going to be ripped from her even if she didn't understand what was happening, and now she was panicking.  Desperate anger was bubbling inside Rory, the way her hands were clenched, the pervasive rage that could be easily heard in her words as she ranted.  Darienna already knew as she jumped onto the end of Rory's tirade before Rory could start again.

 

"Responsible?!  You're not responsible for yourself, eclipses would have to be more frequent than you showing anything resembling responsibility.  Thats exactly why Saline is wearing your stupidity, because you have so little capacity to show responsibility that she's been bearing the burden in your place.  Its her that stands up for you when something goes wrong, its her that puts it on the line for you and everytime without fail you give her nothing back.  Your behaviour doesn't improve, you don't better yourself, you just let her take the fall again and again, using her like a shield."

 

"And why does she do it?"  While Darienna's face remained relatively calm, one could have said her voice was sneering.  "Not just because she's you're mentor, and despite your rank she's still your senior.  She does it because she's your friend, she listens to you and trusts you and hopes that you will listen to her.  Yet you don't, if you listened to her you wouldn't go and commit this sort of foolishness again and again.  Great way to repay your best friend Rory, with friends like you she'll never need any enemies."

 

"All the things she's done for you, and what have you ever done for her?"  Darienna wandered over to where Rory was sitting as she spoke, so she was standing directly infron of her.  "She protects you and all you do is disappoint her again and again, along with everyone else.  You're a disgrace, Rory, you're not worthy of this Tower and you're definitely not worthy of her.  You can't even control yourself, look at you."

 

Her expression positively taunting now, a smile formed on Darienna's face as she proceeded.  "You're gripping your chair so tight you'd think you were about to fall off.  Oh and that heavy breathing is oh so fearsome.  You look positively absurd with those eyes, and those cheeks are so red you look like you smeared some cheap rouge over them.  Is this somehow meant to impress me?"  Rory was teetering now for certain, especially with the smirk that Darienna was giving her.

 

"What are you going to do?  Stare me to death?"

 

 

Darienna Ceradin

Mistress of Novices

[Sam]

There was something in that smug expression that did it. The taunts were painful and angering but not nearly as primal gestures as the smirk. With it, something inside Rory snapped with a hum, and a base response of her own followed. Her eyes did not magically change colour, nor did she see a red haze. Her vision misted, and that mist brought with it a noise that coated and silenced any rational thought.

 

And then she did the worst thing imaginable (at the time), struck out at the Mistress of Novices, or would have if she had gotten that far. The moment she leaped out of her seat, and it was nothing short of a leap, she was pushed back down. She rose a second time and was again forced to take her seat.  It occurred again, and again, and again.

 

It released frustration and also built it. The action of movement was in accordance with the surge of adrenaline, but the being shoved backwards every time was not. That she had no power to stop it, and could not remain on her feet added kindling, the almost painful sensation of the shove was the tinder. If she were thinking rationally she probably would have stopped after the first few tries, but she was far from rational.

 

Her efforts became more and more desperate; more and more physical; more and more feral. Several times she had actually growled. All occasions were met with swift resistance executed by a will stronger than hers. Something in her mouth gave and she tasted blood, as well as a solid splinter of tooth, hardly important under the influences at work.

 

Rory was a balloon, Darienna Sedai was a funnel pressing into her mouth; frustration was a cup of water. When Rory rose she swallowed a cup of frustration. When she rose again she swallowed another. No balloon was capable of holding so much water, and nor was Rory. Mouthfuls began to stick in her throat and she coughed them up in the form of violent obscenities.

 

If indeed an obscenity could be called a mouthful of water, then when Darienna Sedai continued to taunt her, she was foaming at the mouth (she wasn’t far from it, actually), vomiting, and spitting. On numerous occasions she had attempted to claw at Darienna’s eyes, hands, arms, dress; anything in easy reach.

 

Her profanities, while putting a war veteran to shame, began to lose their words. Grunts and growls, some short and sharp, others long and drawn out. By now sweat was running freely down her face, down her neck, wetting her body in an attempt to cool her body. She threw her head back, literally, hitting it on the back of the chair, and screamed until the veins at her throat were visible as worms. Abruptly her voice ceased and she was still.

 

A calm descended, the likes of which is difficult to describe. She was tired, yes, and her eyes did not want to stay open. She felt embarrassed and refused to meet the eyes of Darienna Sedai, although she could feel them. Quite plainly, she was at a loss for words, as well as thoughts. She knew not what to do.

 

 

[Wayfarer]

The tempest that Rory had unleashed was something that Darienna had been able to contain easily enough.  Even if Rory had ever had any training in her life, she had been so furious that she would not have been able to remember a single piece of it.  All animal rage, Darienna had simply weathered it and not allowed Rory to stand up, to vent her anger on anything around her or to walk away.  When rage was given no outlet and no success, the only thing it could do was heighten until it turned inward and spent itself.  Much like it had done with Rory who was now sitting silently before her, shaking like a leaf in the wind from the vast well of emotion that had been channeled through her.

 

She was still struggling to breath, Darienna noticed, gulps of air as she stopped trying to do anything more than simply be, and avoid Darienna's attention.  Rory wouldn't even look up at her, and Darienna understood precisely why.  It was hard to look someone in the eye who had seen such an ugly side to the person, that Darienna had seen this aspect of Rory was something that she doubted the Accepted would ever forget.  Perhaps it would become easier in time to bear as she changed, but for now it would be a shaming thing that would make it easier for her to deal with Rory.

 

There was no joy to be had in what Darienna did, she'd deliberately pried Rory open and caused her to lose her self control.  She'd known what buttons to push and her only consolation was the fact that it was necessary to strip Rory's shell from her so she could grow.  Necessary, but Darienna had doubts as to whether Rory would ever thank her for it.  Most certainly not now, with Rory's head hung low and her eyes averted, Darienna knew that Rory would rather be any other place than in this room with Darienna, but that was how things were.

 

"Rory, look at me.  Rory."  The second prompting was all that was needed to get Rory to look up at her, unwillingly but without the impudent resistance that had been there before, only shame and a good deal of inner turmoil.  "Arette Sedai nearly died.  The reason this happened is because you didn't think about her safety, the same way you don't think about those around you.  Not just the people you despise, but people who protect you, who do everything they can for you."

 

"That selfishness will end, and that starts with you accepting responsibility for your actions.  You are going to think long and hard over this.  You will do so while you attend to Arette Sedai.  You will remain by her side and explain yourself to her when she awakes.  You will do whatever she asks of you and when she dismisses you, you will report to my office.  I will see you there once you are done here."

 

Darienna accepted the nod that Rory gave, that was all she needed, and Darienna turned and left Arette Sedai's quarters.  She didn't need to put any sort of warding or watch on Rory, she knew that Rory would do exactly what she had been told now.  Rory would revert back to herself in time, but there was time, and Darienna was fairly certain that Rory would never be the same again.

 

Not if she had anything to do with it.

 

 

Darienna Ceradin

Mistress of Novices

[Sam]

Darienna left, and the world was all a silence. Rory sat, alone, tired, humiliated. There was no anger in her. No anger left and the mechanism responsible was “out of order.” Her mind was the blank screen of reformatted computer; fresh; clean; waiting. She felt such shame as she had never known but there, too, was a satisfaction as equal or even greater; tranquility, the aftermath of waking from a nightmare.

 

She had lost control without being quite sure how. What a shameful thing! Darienna Sedai would never forget, nor would Rory. There was a brief pang of anxiety when she considered whether or not the Mistress of Novices would be discrete. It would behoove her to know if every Aes Sedai at walking distance would hear of her slip, hopefully not.

 

It was difficult for Rory to be without her “righteous” fury, for now various unwanted questions were probing: was she really hindering Saline’s progress? Was she truly so irresponsible as all that? And … had she really been dismissing her off-handedly, treating her unfairly? Yes. The answer was yes, that was why she felt so miserable all of a sudden.

 

She cared for Saline, she really did. She didn’t mean to seem so selfish, she wasn’t selfish; she wasn’t. She could show Saline, show Darienna that she valued their advice; maybe not take it all the time; then, who would? Damn. Damn. Damn. Did Saline see her as Darienna described? That consideration left her ill. She would show Saline that she thought about her wellbeing, too!

 

She was responsible for what befell … Arette Sedai, was it? She didn’t know the woman would fall, couldn’t have known. Why would she knowingly try to kill an Aes Sedai she didn’t even know? Well, she wouldn’t. She might have considered the possibility of injury, true … but how many people got injured by simply falling down—seriously injured? At least one I do be knowing about, now. The thought was sour as a lemon.

 

Her intentions did not seem to matter, only her actions. Was that not even a little unfair? She meant well, honest! Nothing ever turned out quite so bad in her mind as in reality.

Oh, Rory, you do be making a fine mess of things. Remembering the red halo that had cincturing the Aes Sedai’s prone form, she realised that no, her intent was not so important after all.

 

Rory stood up, for the first time realising how tired she was and teetering. Unfortunately she didn’t fall and hit her head, so she was forced to knock quietly upon Arette Sedai’s door—on the chance she was awake—before entering and taking a seat at her bedside. That was unpleasant. The woman could wake at any moment, and then she would have to explain what she had done. Had her abdomen just turned to ice? Then why did it burn?

 

The Accepted dreaded each breath, each movement; each subtle shift that might forecast death. An absurd notion, Darienna had treated her and she would be fine. Rory knew that, but she didn't feel it. Telling Arette would be scary, and her voice might well fail her, but having her die while Rory watched would be worse still. Her wait was an anxious one.

 

To almost kill someone is a difficult experience to relate. She was glad the woman was alive, thought so, anyway, and she knew any punishment she received was just. It was over. Only punishment remained, yet Rory felt very sorry for herself. It was almost like crying, but in her belly. Her mind continued to wander over various scenarios including Arette Sedai and all those who would mourn her passing. There were a lot of them, and they were all very sad.

 

Years, decades; maybe even over a century Arette Sedai had lived and served all, amassing knowledge, wisdom and experience. All of that had been placed in jeopardy by her one ill thought out little prank. There would be no more. Ever. She would think before she acted. Always. And such horrible visions as her mind replayed for her would never come to pass. She could not live with that guilt.

 

How could she make it right? Was there anything she could do? Maybe. The least she owed to the woman was to help speed her recovery. Was it wrong of her to be thinking of herself, of ways to relieve her own guilt? Should she care more for the wellfare of Arette? She did care, she wanted her to live. She very much wanted her to live and to be angry, anything was better than lying on her cot pale and restless. Why did she have to to be so stupid all of the time? Oh, when would she wake up?

 

[Arette]

Pain was the dominating element of Arette's world when she slowly returned back to consciousness. She brought her hand slowly to the back of her head that was throbbing to the beat of her heart and grimaced at the crunchy substance sticking into her scalp and hair. There had been alot of blood it seemed and she didn't particularly look forward a trip to bathes right then. How had it happened again? She digged her memory despite the bounding head ache and could recall getting scared by a trolloc and slipping. Only the monster had not been real, she had seen the illusion weaves but still her first instinct had been to back away and then she had lost her footing. That meant no more woollen slippers for her even if they were comfortable and easily put on. Her warderobe would be composed of good leather bottomed footwear only from now on. She wondered fleetingly if Darienna had already caught the culprit for this thoughtless prank but right then the matter didn't really interest her.

 

The room was dark as the velvet curtains had been drawn to cover the single window but she could make a figure sitting in a chair beside her bed. The white dress would make her a novice or an Accepted and obviously she had been left to help her by who ever had found and Healed her. As she tried to focus on the young woman, she became aware of another ailment that came with the Healing, she was really hungry and thirsty too. She licked her dry lips and cleared her throat which caught the attention of the initiate.

 

"I'm awake now", she said unnecessarily and was glad that speaking didn't make the pain worse. "Who are you child and who found me? And please give me a glass of water. Lets hope that I won't be too cranky patient."

 

Arette Nenatiar

Brown Sister

[Sam]

The claim that Rory almost died of fright the instant Arette Sedai spoke would be fair one. To say that the sudden weight in her stomach soared into her chest would also be fair. In fact, they both happened at once, which occurred a very peculiar sensation for Rory, who was quite convinced she might actually fall in half. Arette Sedai was alive, and though she was shaken she was not a murderess, only nearly so.

 

The confessor’s urge took hold and she almost blurted her complicity out right then and there; prudence stayed her hand and she fetched a glass of water instead. Not trusting in her mouth’s ability to stay loyal. Quite certain she was going to be blown into pieces of Rory pudding, or burned into so many sausages by a salvo of randomly appearing lightning; she was no less inclined towards dispossessing herself of her burden. Well, maybe she didn’t actually think the term “salvo.”

 

“Yes, Arette Sedai ... it do be me who found you. I do be bringing Darienna Sedai to help you.” Rory was almost visibly chewing her bottom lip, having discovered it was much easier to gnaw than the upper, and her hands were quite visibly pressed into her stomach in a vain attempt to catch the butterflies?

 

“I do be the one responsible for your fall, Arette Sedai, and I do be really sorry. It was an accident, I no do be meaning for you to get hurt. I promise, I no do be wanting to hurt anyone I swe—” Rory used her own will power to close her mouth before her tongue made her sound even more the fool. It was done now, she took small solace in the fact that anything that happened now she more than deserved.

 

[Arette]

The young woman went on to fulfill her plea and Arette observed the banded hems of her dress. She was an Accepted then. Arette thanked her a little hoarsely for the water and drank with careful gulps. The still unnamed Illianer explained that she had found her which also clarified her presence here now. But why had she went to the Mistress of Novices instead of the Brown Sisters who would have bee much closer? Likely she had panicked but an Accepted should know better by now. And did the girl appear nervous? She got her answer with the confession.

 

Normally she would have been quite inflamed about it but the head ache dulled her reactions. The girl certainly sounded agitated and guilty but was it just because things had went awry? An Accepted should have known better to start with and be above such childish pranks. Certainly Darienna had also given her a good earful too and spared Arette from it. All she really wanted to know was her motive. And if she wanted to make it up, she could fetch her some potion to ease her pain and quickly then. She could think more atonements for her later when she could think straight again.

 

"What were you meaning then? What was the aim of this brilliant idea?", she spoke quietly and steadily to keep the pain at bay. "How does that befit an Accepted? And I would truly like to hear your name now, child. Darienna surely had a thing or two to say to you. Educate me too of her judgement."

 

Arette Nenatiar

Brown Sister

[Sam]

A child: how often she had heard that moniker in place of her name; how prudent it had now become. Rory had certainly never admitted to herself that she had been a child. Not when she was the innkeeper’s daughter, certainly not while wearing the Novice whites and not now with the banded hem. Somehow she managed to feel more a child in this moment than she ever had before. More, she was a fool.

 

There was even the potential of considering herself a righteous fool, one who had the excuse of not knowing any better. She certainly did, and yet here she was again the worst kind of imbecile, one with no excuse at all. Her own mind was unable to decide exactly what her reasoning had been for the action. The answer was simple: she had not thought about the consequences, had not thought at all. She really was as selfish as Darienna believed her to be.

 

And there it was the question of her intent with no obvious way for her to answer. She had to answer; she would answer, when only she found the words. Crying looked a much more attractive option and Rory snuffled a little before she could stop herself. Words were in her head but would not come out of her mouth. There would be no crying in front of the woman whose life she had almost ended, there was no right.

 

“I no do be thinking at all, not one little bit beyond my own enjoyment. I do be saying to myself, ‘Rory, let’s go have some fun,’ and so I do be going. But it no do be fun at all, in the end, you fell and I ran, no do be knowing who else to see. I should know better, Darienna do be saying I be knowing better, should be learning better, but I no do be listening.

 

“I do be almost killing you twice, once with my prank and once when I should have healed you myself.  I do be having no way to make it up to you, I do be sorry. Real sorry and I no do be able to get your blood out of my head. It do be on my hands as well. I do be guilty and I do be accepting any punishment you demand.

 

“If you do be wanting me to go, I be going and I no do be looking back. If you do be wanting me hanged, I suppose I do be deserving that too. Darienna be saying that I be taking no responsibility—never, that I do be a coward, and she do be right. She always do be saying I be needing to be improving myself. Always.

 

Rory did not realise it, but her accent had noticeably thickened in her distress.

 

“Darienna do be demanding I be seeing her when I do be finished doing whatever you be asking. I do be,” her throat caught and she stumbled over the next words, “separated from Saline until I do be proving to her that I no be a lost cause. I do be sorry.”

 

Rory did not even bother to ask for forgiveness.

 

[Arette]

Oh Light, the girl begun to look more and more miserable and started sniffling like she was going to cry any moment. Arette just did not have the energy for that and she was annoyed that she was feeling even a little bit sorry for someone who had likely cracked her skull. Accepted didn't go about sniveling even if they had done something wrong. You did what you wanted and then you paid for the consequences and faced them chin up.

 

Instead of bawling the Accepted talked instead and least she had realised that she had been quite thoughtless. And there came the name too, Rory. It was certainly a bit shaking to hear that she could have died twice but maybe it was for the best that Rory hadn't tried to Heal her herself. She was correct that there was no way to make it up but since Arette had not died, it was not unforgivable. She knew that she should have been more upset but she hadn't fully realised that she had in fact been in the gates of death. Also her mind felt like it was encased in hazy fluff through which pain throbbed. It made thinking and feeling anything too strongly quite difficult. There was just the hurting and the dimmer realisation that she was famished.

 

The Illianer accent got stronger and Rory's speech was almost hard to understand but Arette was quite sure she got everything the girl said. This Saline had to be important to her since loosing her had such a crushing effect on her. A room mate or friend or maybe even a pillow friend on top of that.

 

"Hanging Accepted with perfectly good chances for the shawl still is a waste that I disapprove of. And I don't want to think about punishments now. I need your help with few things. I want food as all Healing patients do and something for my headache. Sharona Sedai who lives a few corridors away has herbs so you can go and ask her for them soon. Then I want to get the ickiness away from my hair and after that you can read to me."

 

"No, maybe the bath first." She begun to sit up very slowly and carefully to not disturb her head and picked out the hair needles from her bun. Waves of black locks curled down over her shoulders and back and cascaded over the bed sheets too. They were her pride and they had never been cut short over the years. She turned slightly allowing Rory a better acces to her back. "While you undo my buttons, tell me about Saline." Maybe that would loosen up Rory a bit or then she would just feel even worse due to the threat of being kept apart.

 

Arette

Getting used to being served

[Sam]

Rory unhappily attacked the buttons.  She did not want to talk about Saline, especially not when she was almost certain Arette Sedai had put suspicious emphasis on the word. If the Aes Sedai was seeking to torment her by making things difficult for Saline, well, she’d go and see Darienna, wouldn’t she? Other than that her stomach was too sick and her head too miserable for her to object strongly. It did not really matter at this point.

 

“Saline do be my mentor, once, now that I do be Accepted things be changing somewhat. Now we do be friends, even roommates, she do be looking out for me all the time and do be teaching me things. The first time I do be meeting her, I be punching her in the eye, and then she do be chasing me throughout the tower. She caught me in the Library, you may have been there?

 

“She do be important to me, she and Lillian Sedai also, but you no be asking about her. There no do be much more to say, we do be spending time together, a lot of time, at least before.” Rory pointedly ignored the current turn of events, she knew she’d cry about it later; at present she had a job to do. The talking did seem to make her feel better.

 

“It be taking a long time for Saline and me to become friends, but it do be happening and now we be inseparable. She be teaching me many weaves, and even recipes—she be liking to cook, you know; makes a great apple pie—I’m not sure how I be surviving in the Tower without her. It no do be as pleasant, that’s for sure, what with Lillian out and about all the time.”

 

The buttons were finished. Having said those words aloud, Rory wondered what exactly she had done for Saline in return, what had she taught her roommate, or even given her. Other than trouble, strife, and lots of early morning kisses—those were fun—she had not been a productive member of the friendship. The full scope of her deficiency was almost hitting home. She was a failure across the board, not just in this one section.

 

[Arette]

When Rory started her story, Arette begun to smile slightly as she came to think of someone to who she had played a bit similar role than this Saline to Rory. Hers and Telcia's first meeting hadn't been quite as dramatic, though. She had taught the then novice a History class and they had gotten closer because young Telcia had then been fairly inclined toward the Brown Ajah. If there hadn't been Muirenn and the horrible incident, Telcia would be her Ajah Sister now. Arette still maintained that she might have been happier that way but all she could do now was try and do her share of bringing good things to her friend's life.

 

The mention of Lillian invoked another smile. She and the much younger White weren't heart friends like her and Telcia but they met from time to time when Lillian was back in Tower from her trips and discussed of various topics. Best friendships definately took years to develop and they became even more important with years. She wondered if Saline and Lillian really were the only people Rory was really close with. But then she had been the same way as an initiate. She had made most of her good friends since reaching the shawl.

 

The buttons were done and from what she could gauge from Rory, the Accepted was feeling down again. Arette shouldn't have cared really and she should have been righteously angry as the girl had nearly killed her. But she just wasn't able to summon the proper vehemence. Bah, she was soft like a molten core of a chocolate brownie. No, thinking food was a bad idea as her stomach rumbled audibly. But she actually had some secret stashes around her apartment if she hadn't absent-mindedly nibbled down everything already. When she was in the bath, she would send the girl to fetch them.

 

She slipped her dress off her and felt very self-conscious of her nudity in the presence of someone else even if her hair offered her moderate cover. Wrapping herself into a bath robe she waited for Rory to fill in the bath tub with a handy Water weave. The silence seemed a bit heavy so she filled it by explaining where Rory would find chocolate cookies for first aid to hunger when her bath was ready and followed with a few questions. "So how do you get along with the other Accepted and novices? Have you ever mentored anyone yourself?" She doubted that Darienna would have ever given her a mentee but maybe if she really learned her lesson this time. "And you've been an Accepted for some time now so I am sure that you have considered the different Ajahs. What do you think of them, especially the Brown Ajah of course?" She doubted that this girl would be suited for the Browns but it would be interesting to see if she would try to feed her polite half-truths.

 

Arette Nenatiar

Small-talking Brownie

[Sam]

Rory couldn’t bring herself to resent the probing questions. What did they matter, anyway? In one moment of stupidity she had let down and disappointed the two people she cared about most of all. Lillian was not here, but she would return, and when she did she would find out what Rory had done and Rory was certain she, too, would disapprove. If only she could somehow pen an apology letter to Saline she hadn’t meant to hurt her. She could probably write one for Arette Sedai while she was at it.

 

Saline had been Accepted for a long time, she and Rory often joked that they would be raised at the same time but could the real reason for Saline’s lack of progression be Rory herself? Darienna had not said it, but the hint was there that she was damaging Saline’s career through her own lack of discipline and forethought. Maybe she would ask Darienna some day, or maybe not, as she did not think she wanted to hear the answer.  If she was lucky she could drown herself in the bathtub before Arette got in.

 

“I no do be getting along with other Accepted. They do be busy being proper and prim and far above me. I do be wanting nothing more than the sun on my face a nice ale and a good dance. I no do be for politics or scheming. Those things do be boring me, so I do be staying away from anyone like that, and there do be a lot of them here. I know it do be shallow, but they do be looking at me like I do be uncivilized, so it do be fair in my book.

 

“No, I no do be mentoring, myself. Do you be imagining me responsible for a life other than mine? I no do be doing well enough with this one to justify another, and I no do be the teacher type. There do be far more able Accepted and I be leaving the instructing up to them.

 

“I suppose I do be considering the Ajahs, but only a little. I no do be thinking I be reaching the shawl any time soon, present predicament excluded. Now I no do be thinking I be reaching it at all. I do be liking the browns, I be liking stories, and I be liking that you do be recording things so they no do be lost.  It do be very useful. But I no do be thinking the browns are for me, I no do be having the patience. I no do be having the skill with a quill. I do be sure I be fitting in somewhere, I only need be finding it.”

 

 

[Arette]

The tub filled at steady pace and Arette curled her toes at the coolness of the stone floor. Her headache kept her from focusing on regulating her breath properly and for the first time in years she was aware of the temperature of her surroundings from her bodily reactions. It felt a bit strange but it was another reminder that she was indeed alive as if her bounding head wasn't enough. But she really had sworn off of slippers for maybe until the rest of her life.

 

Rory explained why she didn't get along with the other Accepted and Arette couldn't help but think that she was exaggerating. Maybe those who had been Accepted while she was novice had kept such appearances but she had certainly seen her share of young women in the banded hem who prefered more hands on studies of tavern culture than topics that the Sisters guided them to. Likely the politickers and schemers were the most visible of all Accepted beside women like Rory as those submerged to their studies were usually quite the wall flowers just like she had been.

 

She agreed with Rory's assesment of herself as non-optimal for teaching. But she could learn and students certainly taught their teachers a lesson or two of patience. Maybe the girl had some maturing up to do until she was ready for the shawl but the slight self-pitying note on her voice was quite irksome. They hadn't trained and groomed her for over ten years for nothing. Rory could still be reformed and made into a proper Aes Sedai and Darienna would surely see to it. The slight praise at the Browns made her smile but it was a bit difficult to imagine Rory in their halls. Her initial gut feeling would place the Accepted among the Greens and even if there had always been some tension, even rivarly between the two Ajahs, no Brown begrudged the Greens for their ascendants as they were made of quite different wood than the more academically inclined Brown aspirants.

 

They stood there in silence for a while until the water level was high enough. Arette didn't want Rory to witness her awkward climb into the tub so she sent her to fetch the cookies from her secret stash. The warm water felt heavenly and she was resisting the temptation to just let herself fall asleep. She munched the offered cookie like a starved woman and reached for another one as Rory begun to lather her long hair. "I want you to tell yourself... mmm...." Maybe a Yellow Ajah would come to question too, Arette decided when Rory briskly applied her fingers to her scalp. The throbbing at the back of her head eased a bit and she let herself to float for a while.

 

But se had been about to ask something and it was important even though sleep felt even more tempting. "Why did you want to become an Aes Sedai in the first place, Rory? There must have been some reason you passed your Arches even if you came here originally reluctantly. I want you to convince yourself and me of that reason now. Because the Tower won't let you go despite this and despite anything so you would better accept it and embrace the fact."

 

Arette

Tired pep-talker

[Sam]

The scene was relaxing to Rory for it reminded her of home. Her mother was in the bath and they laughed and talked while Rory washed her hair. But it wasn’t her mother—it was Arette Sedai. That did not make as much difference as one might think; it was the very atmosphere that calmed her nerves.

 

One could consider it surreal, massaging the scalp of a woman who hours ago had been laying in her own blood, and the one performing the massage had been responsible. And the victim was asking the strangest questions! What did she care if Rory disliked the Brown Ajah or why she wanted to be an Aes Sedai at all; in her position, Rory could hardly refuse to answer, nor did she particularly feel like it.

 

“Honestly? I do be reaching a point where I no do be thinking I make it. Surrendering to the source do be sounding easy but for me it do be the hardest thing in the world. I still do be having trouble in that area. It do be fine if I do be kicked from the tower for bad behaviour, but I no do be a failure. Never that. I do be wanting to succeed, to be proving them wrong more than I do be wanting to go home. I do be good like that.

 

“I do be realising that I be away from home for many years and if I do be returning to my parents now, after all that time a failure, they do be more disappointed than I be able to tell. It no do be what I am doing that do be important but that I do be succeeding and returning home with triumph and a smile. I do be welcomed with open arms, and mayhap my mother do be washing my hair as I be yours now.

 

“I know the tower no do be letting me go, not with all my bits attached. And in truth I no do be wanting leave. There do be too many good things for me here, too many good people. I just no do be wanting to be here all the time. I do be wanting to be outside, away from here. I do be wanting to see my parents. They do be old now and what if they do be dying before I be getting to see them? What of my friends who do be aging and marrying and living their lives; where be they now? I no do be meant to have these thoughts but I do be having a life before the aes sedai.”

 

 

[Arette]

It was a surprise to hear that the Accepted still had difficulties with opening herself to Saidar. Maybe she had been a wilder with a block. Arette would have to check from the records and maybe have a word with Darienna of what she had done about it so far. Rory's motive was spurring and some women feared failing more than anything. She would have prefered Rory to want to succeed more because that was a more lasting incentive that would stay with her for centuries. It saddened her that Rory felt that she couldn't return home without a shawl on her shoulders. Maybe it was even true as she didn't know her circumstances.

 

Finally Rory listed some positive reasons for remaining in the White Tower. Most Accepted were motivated by now by desire to Serve in some particular way or in general but likely the fact that Rory didn't know where she should aspire to hampered it. And of course she might not want to let herself to dream too much and dwell on the future because she didn't want to get disappointed.

 

"There is nothing wrong in wanting to see your family. One of the first things that I did when I was Raised to the shawl was to attend the wedding of my brother's eldest son. He and his children are long gone now but I still keep in touch with his descendants. The point of the Arches and washing you clean of your family isn't to cut all ties, simply to understand that you are different now, that you will outlive them and you are more committed to the White Tower than to your old life. Rare Sisters can leave their heritage entirely behind but it changes when years pass and all your beloveds are gone."

 

"Then you need some other reasons to goad you and encourage you to continue than family's approval. Friends in the Tower are a good start but you need to have something inside too. A desire and flame to continue doing this. Do you think that you would have it, Rory? And for now you should harness your desire to meet the people back at home again and direct it to reaching the shawl so that you can return to them with it."

[Sam]

It was easy enough to say what Rory ought to do, but no one else actually had to be the one doing it. Rory liked her reasons, they worked for her. Sure, they weren’t the best reasons … not even close, actually, and pretty thin as bad ones but they were hers and so far she had been doing okay by them. Present circumstances excluded.

 

At some point this conversation had turned into a lecture, gentle albeit, but lecture. How could someone she had just almost killed lecture her about anything other than homicidal tendencies and swift vengeance? Arette Sedai was mad—bonkers. Darienna possessed very small healing capabilities if such obvious insanity remained intact.

 

No doubt if Rory tried to escape now she would be melted like wax and turned into a candle, or maybe Arette the Mad would prefer to drown her in the bathtub. Wait: maybe she could drown Arette before Arette drowned her. Probably not, but a nice fantasy all the same.

 

Still, Arette Sedai may have had a point. If Rory had more reasons to stay in the Tower it’d probably be a lot easier to do so and she may not get into quite so much trouble. Hah, yeah, right.

 

She had just thought of a great question to take the focus off of hers and decided to run with it: “Why do you be joining the Tower Arette Sedai? And why you do be staying?”

 

[Arette]

Rory evaded her question but then Arette couldn't really even focus on everything that she had said just a moment ago. The headache seemed to have dulled a bit but the back of her head still throbbed. She wanted to just fall asleep and have the hands continue kneading her scalp. But her hair was clean now and sleeping in a bath tub wasn't such a great idea. It wasn't that comfortable on a long run as the water would cool and she could drown. Almost dying once today was quite enough, thank you.

 

If she had been a bit more coherent, she would have realized that she was being led astray but speaking of herself felt comfortable. It would take her mind off her pain for a moment. "I joined because I had the spark inborn and I loved it here. I could learn so much and there were so many books in the library. The chores were something I wasn't doing back at home already but at least here I was liked and welcomed. Well, not liked specifically, I have never been very sociable but the Aes Sedai rather had me around than not which couldn't be said of my relatives. And then Saidar. I wanted to be able to use it more."

 

"Why I am staying now? Because of knowledge still. I want more of it, all of it. But what am I really doing with it?" She sighed. "I'm not much a Servant of All. I don't really use all that information crammed in my head over the years. Sure, I teach initiates but there are many others who know the same things and could easily replace me. If I had died today... the world wouldn't have missed much." It was a disconcerting thought and one that she didn't want to have right then.

 

"But now I want to get up. Then you can fetch me food and something for the headache and I will sleep." It was humiliating that she had to rely on Rory to get up from the tub like she was badly handicapped. But at least she could walk on her own once she was safely wrapped in her bathrobe again. "So how are you going to ensure that you don't feel the same way about your usefulness in years to come?"

 

Arette

Feeling Melancholic

[Sam]

She couldn’t help but laugh at the question. Rory, that is, and in the pleasant way only she manages: never scornful and always displaying honest delight. It was hard to lecture or dare I say ‘growl’ in the face of genuine mirth. That’s my opinion, as well as Rory’s (dang rang), hopefully Arette Sedai would agree and not take offence.

 

“I really no do be thinking about that. How I do be knowing what the future holds? No, I do be happy enough to become Aes Sedai at all the way I be going. Still, I do be knowing that the first thing I do going to do is leaving the tower and travelling. I do be travelling for ever and everywhere and seeing lots. Maybe I do be opening my own pub, aye, servant of all?” Rory laughed again. “I do be going to get you some food.”

 

Her fingers were—and this is really the only way to describe them—scalpy. It was almost a disappointment to have stopped; almost, because although washing Arette Sedai’s hair had been relaxing she was to given the task of finding food. Insignificant you say? Not so, it gave her the opportunity to move about the tower and maybe if she was very quick she could tell Saline what was happening. Darienna didn’t even have to know!

 

That had been the idea or, dare I say, illusion. Ten yards down the hall and she began to notice there was an unusual number of novice’s about and each one was taking very uncustomary notice of where exactly she was heading. Blood and Bloody ashes, Saline would have to wait.

 

Rory’s flight to and from the kitchen was a rapid one. Not only did she know they were watching but she could feel them watching. At times she could feel eyes without being able to see anyone—talk about disturbing. She was almost tempted to step towards her and Saline’s room just to see how quickly Darienna came after her but … no.

 

With a sigh she made her way back to Arette Sedai.