Everything in good time

[Wayfarer]

Smiling, Anton remembered when he had once been subjected to a similar round of tests by his own mentor, Burrich.  The first thing that the man had done was decided to give him the run around, challenged him to follow the trail that the man had left.  It had helped that Burrich was a big man, light on his feet as he was he still left a trail that a fine tracker could find.

 

Of course, Anton hadn’t been a fine tracker at that point, but he’d been able to follow it nevertheless.  Much like the challenge that he had set for Timewalker, to come to the spot where he stood now.  Having left the note in her hands while she slept, he’d quickly stolen away out to where he was now to lay the trail.  Much like Burrich had done with him, it would be a good way to test her ability and she did show promise.  He had set previous challenges for her that she had met well enough, perhaps she would become a Tracker like himself.

 

For now, he smiled as he set off with his stave in hand, leaving a clear enough trail as he plunged deeper into the wood.  She could follow most basic trails easily enough, now he would challenge her to use her wits as well as her senses.  False trails to keep her on her toes and wear her down if she didn’t spot them for what they were, no doubt she wouldn’t see through all of them, but Anton was confident in her ability to find him before the sun set.

 

After all, while he knew these woods like the back of his hand, she was getting there herself.  She’d relearned the lay of the land and now it would be interesting to see how far her talent and her cunning would bring her.

 

 

Anton Averdal

Farpaw

[TaeaDawn]

 

The morning had come with a strange sensation.  It had been a long time since she'd woken alone with no one nearby.  She spent most mornings either travelling alongside Anton or in the hut she shared with another girl.  Waking alone in the middle of the woods was a surprise, though she knew what it meant even before she recognized a letter set in her grasp.  Anton.  He'd sent her on this sort of thing before, a trail to find, or a treasure to hunt while he was off with other things. 

 

She didn't waste much time with the morning rituals for fear of the trail going cold, though she knew better than to expect him to have left recently enough for it to matter.  Still, the trail just kept getting colder and there were too many other things that could happen if you just sat there.  She had her pack on and was off and moving before long. 

 

The trail started out easy enough.  At least, she hoped it did.  Easy enough could mean a false trail and she made a point of checking the area quite closely before heading out.  She knew she was headed in the right direction when she came across a small crossroads of animal trails.  Her first test.  The trail moved off  to the right and there were signs of passage that way also, but she closed her eyes, thinking before she moved on, trying to feel out the area. 

 

She pulled a small piece of bark from her pouch as she reached out, the bark grating lightly against her palms as she did so, grounding her into this time and place to keep the panic and fear from spiraling into her again.  She could let loose now, she knew.  She could let it all come and unless he was tracking behind her, Anton would never know.  But she feared losing herself to the power of it.  The unbearable pain that sometime made her want to run with the pack and forget that she had ever been human, forget Manetheren and her people, forget Anton and the Stedding and the others that had invited her in now.  She couldn't do it though.

 

Anton waited for her somewhere in these woods.  Anton, who had found her, who taught her and who tried to understand her and her words far more than any other had.  He waited and she would not keep him waiting any longer than need be.  She opened her eyes then, looking up into the trees, enjoying the feel of the sun on her face as it broke through the branches.  A smile crept across her face when she saw it then.  She stood on a false trail.  His real trail took her into the trees.

 

She followed the path, moving slower than before with this unfamiliar terrain.  Branches higher up showed signs of passing and indeed moved him across a small creek without any notice on land.  There were no tell tale signs of feet on either bank, but she could see where the branches had entwined close enough and vines had carried her teacher across.  Her own passing was less graceful but she wasn't trying to hide her way.

 

She found his path again on the ground and followed with a light heart.  this was something she could understand.  In all her training, this was something she had practiced before.  Perhaps in this she could make up her mistake for what had happened in her dreams.  His injury had healed well enough and there was no sign that he thought badly of her for it, let alone mention it, but it was always in her mind. 

 

Another way pressed itself into her mind, but she refused to acknowledge it. She could give him her name.  He would understand how difficult it was for her to do so, but she wasn't ready for that.  She wasn't ready to deal with that here and now.  The one time she had tried to explain to him how hard it had been, she had tried to hurt him with the painful images.  She had howled as they overwhelmed her and he had simply smacked her.  She hadn't trusted her feelings since then and it was the same now. 

 

Light, she had to concentrate.  She had tried to hurt him the first time, but the dream had been a mistake.  An accident in which he had accepted her reality to save her.  Not only had he done so, but he had never asked about the scars he had clearly seen on her naked body, nor the torture scene he had stepped into.  It was who he was, she decided.  Someone she could look up to in this day and age.  And she was doing a miserable job as she walked through the path at such a slow pace, meandering through her memories. 

 

She followed the trail until she reached an end.  A dead end.  A false dead end.  She let out a sigh, disappointed in herself for having fallen victim to it because of her attention span.  She ground the bark in harder to her palm, feeling the dig of it.  She back tracked to the creek and began hunting there again, only to find that he had gone up the water and back the other side further upstream.  She let out a slew of curses that she wasn't sure would be understood even if she had been heard, but she didn't notice anymore except a faint thought in the back of her head that Anton would probably quirk his head at the explatives and maybe ask what it all meant.  Though probably not since he was very cautious about mentioning her oddities.

 

In the end, she was able to catch his trail again and though she was now soaked she didn't mind it too much.  At least she was back on track and working her way back to Anton.  Anton.  Not FarPaw.  She still avoided saying his name whenever she could, but on occasion she had stammered over it to respect his wishes.  It was hard not to, when he had been so considerate of her own. 

 

The trail was taking up her light and she realized if she didn't find him soon she was going to lost any chance of it.  She doubted he would set her a trail by moonlight just yet, but there was always the possibility.  He liked to challenge her and she had to admit that it was better than being coddled.  Too many people seemed to take her thick accent and slow speech for stupidity, no matter how many times she explained herself.  She didn't know that she would ever speak the same way these people did, but it was easier for them to understand when she spoke slowly.  When she asked them to slow down as well, they thought her stupid.  Oh well, she thought.  Just another reason to remain with Anton in the wilds.  Not only did he try to talk more like her sometimes, he made sure he was speaking at a speed she could understand and never took her speech for anything more than what it was.  In fact, she found herself talking at regular speed with him quite a bit now without the need to slow.  He had become accustomed to her accent.   

 

She slowed down suddenly, realizing that she was sensing someone else nearby.  She stopped and looked around closely for the give away, the something that just wasn't right in the area.  He hadn't been making it easy on her and in the end she surveyed the area twice before heading around a set of bushes that had grown so close together they were completely intertwined and inseparable.  She saw an opening there and pulling her leather cloak around herself tighlty, crouched down and pushed through. 

 

She smiled brightly as she looked at the occupant of the bush.  "Hello stranger.  Do you come here often?" She asked Anton.       

 

 

Anabel/Timewalker

[Wayfarer]

Laughing as Timewalker found him, he shrugged in the darkness as he made his way towards her.  "On occasion, its a good place to get away where you can't be found.  All you have to do is pull down some of the branches once you're in and short of someone hacking this down with an axe or setting fire to it, its about as safe as it gets.  Besides, you either have to be crazy or know what you're doing to get through there without hurting yourself...  Or maybe both, either way turn around and head out, we've got more to do today while there is still light."

 

Following Timewalker out, he smiled as she offered her hand and accepted it as she helped him onto his feet.  Brushing himself over as he pulled back the cowl on his cloak, Anton smiled at her.  He was proud of how far his first student had come along and not just in her skills.  She'd had a lot to overcome and she was doing that, even beginning to open up more.  She didn't associate with others as much, but Anton felt that might change in time as she became more and more confident and aware of herself and where she stood in the world.

 

But, they weren't done by any means, now there was the next challenge to be set that would see how far her herbal lore had come along.  He knew the answer already, but this was a test as much as a challenge, if she did well then she would be ready to stand as a Wolfsister and embrace one of the four paths of the Wolfkin for her own.  Maybe she'd even choose to be a Tracker with the fine display she had given just now.

 

"Next challenge, I want you to gather six herbs from this area.  There are at least twice as many growing here, but six shall do.  When you bring them to me, I want you to explain to me what each is used for.  Also, there is some food growing in the area, bring that along as well to the place where we camped during your very first lesson.  I shall see you there."

 

Grinning, Anton turned about and began to jog away as he called over his shoulder.  "Before sunset!"

 

 

Anton Averdal

Farpaw

[TaeaDawn]

 

"Before sunset?"  She shook her head at his back, trying to figure out which way to head out.  She'd seen any number of plants on her way to find Anton, but remembering where they were and getting them all in time to get back to came by sunset seemed more a challenge than the first.  She took a deep breath, cleared her mind, then did a quick mental retrace of her steps.  She could remember 3 herbs and their specific locations.  She's just have to see if she could nick another 3 while she was at it.  And find something to eat along the way.  Well, no hunting tonight that was for sure.  She just hoped Anton was smart enough to figure out that she was going to be meatless unless he came up with something along the way.

 

Not far from where she stood she had found the first herb.  She didn't let the elation run with her, but she was glad to have found a stray already.  One grew near the water where she had crossed, and she remember another at the crossroads back in the beginning of their merry chase.  She began working her way back then, making steady progress as she did.  She had 5 herbs in her pack before she realized she had neglected to pick up foodstuffs.  She cursed solidly for a few minutes as her eyes took in her location and she continued on, trying to find the food stuff she needed and the last herb for her hunt. 

 

She found a bush of berries then and managed to get some of those, though it would make little more than a treat.  She was lucky enough to find an apple tree though and made a nice haul of those to take back.  She also found some mint and picked enough for their tea.  Not something she would enjoy drinking all the time, but a little mint tea on occassion was soothing.  Not to mention good for a few other things. 

 

The sun was just going down as Anabel came out into the clearing, her pack full now and her face smiling triumphantly as she made her cut off.  "Just in the nick of time." She said, sitting beside him and pulling her pack down in front of her.  She took the berries out and set them gently aside so they wouldn't be squashed anymore that necessary, then handed out the apples she had found, along with some wild onions and carrots she had found.  Under that were the herbs she had managed to get. 

 

She took each one out of her pack and set them in a row, then set it behind her as she pointed to the first one.  "Chainleaf.  You boil it into a tea to settle your stomach." She said as she pointed to the next one.  "Healall is an ointment you put on open wounds to heal it.  Andilay Root alleviates fatigue, clears your head and relieves aching muscles.  Something I tend to take a lot after out sessions." She said with a small smile.  "Dogworth is an antiseptic that you grind into a paste.  Sunburst root is an ointment to help you heal bruises faster."  She blushed slightly at the last of her herbs, though she wasn't sure why.  "And Heartleaf.  Boiled in a tea and drunk... before... the act... will prevent a woman from getting with child."

 

She looked at her teacher then, waiting for his opinion of her work. 

 

Anabel/Timewalker 

[Wayfarer]

Smiling, Anton nodded at his student, once again she did well.  He was glad to see she didn't put his teaching to shame, in fact he had been certain she wouldn't.  Of course, he'd also been building on existing skills with the woman's tracking and herbal knowledge, combat had not been something she had taken to so quickly but she gave it all her heart all the same and that was the main things.  Considering the glimpses of her past that he knew, he could understand her hesitancy, hence why he was patient with her.

 

Walking away a few steps to retrieve a pair of staves, Anton tossed one to her as he twirled his own about.  The weight felt good in his hand, as he suspected it was beginning to in Timewalker's.  He'd felt that one of the main keys to helping her recover herself was getting her to the point where she no longer felt helpless, where she could fend for herself.  "Spar, lets see how far you've come along.  Begin when you're ready."

 

She barely waited for the words to come out of his mouth when she attacked.  She had grown somewhat used to their spars and her hands no longer hurt as they had in the beginning.  She had the callouses to prove her work and the balance had come easily enough.  It was trying to read her opponent and keep them off balance that she had not mastered.  In fact, she was still only mediocre at these things.  Most nights she would take her time to settle into her balance and feel out the weapon she was thrown.  Tonight, she had given it a small toss from hand to hand to feel the weight, and had attacked. 

 

Anton brushed aside her attack with considerably more ease than she would have liked after all this time, but it was training and he was far superior to her.  She didn't waste time as she moved into her central position and made a slashing attack this time.

 

Slowly falling back as he weathered Timewalker's blows, Anton could feel the solid strikes behind every blow.  He had taught her the basics of Tairen staff work, a well developed fighting style that was based on some very basic principles.  Solid footwork, solid stave work, strength and commitment behind blows with little attention paid to feints and misdirection.  Those would come in time once the basics were mastered, to teach her before then would make such things a crutch that she didn't need.

 

But now he was going to add a new element, circling around her so he was pushing at what had been her side.  The confusion quickly had her falling back and unsure at first, she needed a moment to orienteer herself.  She was thinking in terms of back and forwards, now it was time to introduce a broader concept.  "Fighting...  isn't a straight line...  Move more...  Dance around rather than into and away."  Thrusting his stave at her to drive her back a step, Anton waited for her to move at him again.

 

Dance around, she thought of his words as she watched him.  Think in circles, not lines.  Life was too much a straight arrow for most people and Anabel reveled in being outside that.  The blade or stave was no different in that aspect.  She tried to think about her steps and how to move more efficiently in a circle, then his words hit her.  Dance.  Dance.  Steady moves, always in balance.  Graceful with economy of movement.  These were things she had learned in another lifetime.  Dance like a nobleman's daughter.  Dancing around the fires with Joran before the troubles had come upon them.  Her hands gripped the stave tightly for a moment, helping her focus before she could lose it.  It wasn't quick enough though.  Seeing her change of grip sent Anton on the attack and she was stumbling her way around trying to hold off his advance.  She found her footing then, on instinct rather than insight.  Not as good as Anton of course, but she was suddenly balanced again and in control of her movements. 

 

When his attack finished she moved again.  She made a forward slash, but as he parried, she let her movements pull her past and brough the stave back around with the momentum.  She smiled then.  She wasn't going to beat him anytime soon, but it was an improvement.

 

Catching the blow, Anton shoved against it and against Timewalker to force her back a few steps.  Sliding his hands down the stave, he wielded it as a club now as he put her on the offensive.  The added force would make it more difficult for her but he gave her advice even as he attacked.  "Remember, when my stave hits....  it'll bounce, try...  Take advantage...  deflect."  Giving her a moment to breath, he launched forward again as he swung the stave with only enough restraint to make sure she didn't get seriously hurt.

 

Easy for him to say... well, perhaps not considering the lack of continuity, but Anabel was working hard enough to avoid his stave that her brain only half worked on translating his tongue.  She watched the stave coming forward and held off the attack as best she could and as the stave bounced, she made an effort to push it aside and go on the attack again.

 

"No no, come at me."  Sliding his hands back up so he could better defend, Anton caught a couple of her blows before she used a full bodied swing.  Angling his stave as he crouched slightly, the blow bounced off the stave and over, throwing her off balance for a moment as he poked her in the stomach gently to make the point.  Catching the next vengeful blow, he shoved her off again and slipped his hands down the stave.  "Again!"  Swinging, Anton would finish up once she had begun to understand what to do.

 

It wasn't pretty.  She had never been quick with a weapon, had never taken the learning as fast as she had other things, but she was determined and no matter how many times he managed to knock her around, she kept coming.  After a few tries though she managed to perform the move as Anton had, though her own blow was a bit harder to the stomach than she meant.  She wasn't that good at controlling herself yet.  "Anton?"  She didn't drop the stave but nearly had.  She'd done it on a number of occasions when she'd finally managed to land something and he'd taken the opportunity to teach her not to let her guard down.  She wasn't about to get bumped again for that lesson.

 

"I'm fine."  His stomach was going to make a liar of him.  Normally he'd be fine, but the edge of it had caught him and it had taken him in just the right place.  Leaning slightly on his stave, he forced a smile as he began walking towards the treeline.  "I'll just be a couple of minutes, just wait here..."

 

Emerging a couple of minutes later, the sky had already begun to darken and there was a grin on Anton's face even as he made his way to the water.  "Are you hungry?"  Squatting by the water, he cupped some in his mouth and rinsed before spitting it back out, with a few chunks accompanying it.

[TaeaDawn]

 

Dinner had been a simple affair after everything else they had been up to that day.  Anabel felt a little remorse for Anton and his stomach but not near as much as she felt accomplished.  She'd managed the move after a far number of hits herself, though Anton had been far gentler than she.  Still it wasn't every night that she managed to hit him and she almost felt like celebrating.  Instead, she'd eaten her share of berries with a smile and had slid quickly into her bedroll.  She'd taken a while to learn to do it without drugs, but she could find her way now and it was another thing to be happy about.  She tried to remind herself about that sort of thing before she fell asleep.  The Wolf Dreams could be controlled, but she always had to let go of those and fall into regular sleep.  She was less often troubled by her nightmares when she reminded herself of the good now.  It did work.  Sometimes.  OK, it rarely worked, she admitted to herself, but it was worth the litany anyway.  She was safe here.  She had Anton.  She had a home to go back to here.  She was healthy and not being tortured.  Her home hadn't fallen and been overrun by Shadowspawn and fell creatures.  She took a deep breath and shook those thoughts away. 

 

It still happened sometimes that her dark images pulled in around her.  Tonight was one of them and try as she might, she didn't think a small triumph with the stave was going to hold it off.  Still, she wrapped her good things around in her head until she could almost picture them, a weapon in her mind against the panic within. 

"Good night." She said softly to Anton, then let dreams take her.

 

She stood in the same clearing she had fallen asleep in, only she wore the same soft blue clothes she had worn in the first dreams with Anton.  They had always come to her and she had never bothered to change that about her.  It was night in her dream, another thing she had chosen to leave the same.  She prefered to imagine her surroundings as they truly were, and not change them overly much until she had to.  She gave a smile as she saw Anton in her dreams.  "So much for a good night's sleep." She said, a slightly ironic tone in her accented voice. 

 

"Har har."  Smiling as he leaned on the staff as was his habit, he knew that in the Wolf dream he had no need to but he did so anyway.  She was coming along quite well, she'd achieved enough self control in the dream that she wasn't a threat to herself anymore, she didn't jump into dreams of her past here, men with knives and worse still.  Now he was going to introduce her to two more concepts that, once proficient with, would lead to her being eligibly recognised as a Wolfsister in her own right.

 

"We are to learn two new things tonight.  The first is called stepping, and you have sort of done this before, albeit by accident." His smile fading, Anton continued.  "Stepping is how we travel vast distances in the dream.  You remember how, the very first time in the dream, I told you to focus on the campsite?  I want you to focus on the grass just before the rosebushes, then the scene around it.  Close your eyes and imagine the scene, crystalise it within your mind and you will find yourself there."

 

Anabel nodded as she did as she was told, trying to hold off the memories.  Her black thoughts threatened to return but she imagined a sharp stone in her hands and held her in place.  Picturing the rosebush and it's surroundings wasn't difficult so she did just that.  Opening her eyes she was right where she was told she would be.  She didn't smile though a successful move like that would normally warrant one.  It was hard when the memory was still so powerful for her. "I think I understand this one."    She said quietly.   

 

Finding Timewalker where she was meant to be, Anton smiled despite her soft words.  She was doing well and he was certain that she would continue to do so.  The first test had been easy, somewhere that she had just been so she could draw on her recent memory rather than reach further back.  Now he was going to ask her to push herself a little bit further. 

"You are doing very well.  Now I want you to think of six different places you have been, six safe places that aren't within stedding.  Transport yourself to each of these places and I shall follow you to each one.  Take your time, I'm here."

 

She took a deep breath, trying to think of where she could go.  Part of her was fascinated by the ability to move like this, but part of her had also been stuck in that shack to be tortured again.  No matter what else happened she knew that the lesson had been hard won.  she would never take foregranted the dangers of the Wolf dreams.  Nor of how they could affect others with you, since Anton had come out with a nasty would from that excursion as well.  She sighed, then took a deep breath, thinking of where she could go.  She decided on a clearing that was well covered from wandering eyes.  They had camped there once on their way to Cairhein and it was where they had come across the young woman Sahra.  She didn't know if Anton would remember it as she did, but it had been one of the first time she'd had felt of use since waking in this life.  She remembered the small stream nearby and the crooked tree that grew at the edge of the woods to gain more sun.  She gave a small smile to Anton as he arrived in that place, then closed her eyes and thought of the next.

 

After that she managed to find herself in front of the main gates of Cairhein.  She had been impressed with the size of the city and a bit startled to find herself in such crowds after so much time alone.  She had only stayed long enough for Anton to follow her again when she  disappeared and moved on to a small hillside in Andor.  They had spent the night in the well sheltered arms of the fern trees.  There had been some sort of ruined statues upon the top of the hill and she remembered the ruins more than anything else, wondering if they had been new when she was born, or if they had been ruins even then.  The small glade Anton often took her to train in was her next place to visit.  She associated it with him so strongly she almost feared she would create a twin Anton in the space, but it was free of Anton until the real thing arrived. 

 

She knew where she would go next, knew the last two locations she had to visit that night.  Though a part of her was afraid to return, she needed to look at it if only for a moment.  Closing her eyes, she imagined the small house as she had last seen it, stealing away into the night so the old woman would no longer have to worry about her.  There was no sign of movement or of anything living within the house, but Anabel knew the way of the Wolf Dreams now and knew that this was just a reflection of the world.  She waved good-bye to the house that had been, if only for a short while, a haven to her, then quickly imagined herself to the last place.

 

Having arrived, Anabel took a seat on the log that still set next to scorched earth.  Her path had not been very hidden and it was indeed a bit of luck that Anton had found her that night and not someone more notorious.  She smiled at him when he arrived, wondering if he had known she would come here.   "Do you recognize this place?"  She asked in a quiet voice, afraid that if she spoke any louder he might know she would be disappointed if he didn't. 

 

"I would be ashamed if I didn't." Anton smiled as he looked about himself, now that had been an interesting encounter.  A woman with a strangely foreign accent and the Wolves confusing him with an image that had made no sense at all.  It had taken time to gain understanding.  But he was letting his mind wander, so he focused back on Timewalker as he spoke.

 

"Lastly, I am going to teach you to follow me the same way I followed you.  One of the great things about the Wolf Dream is that will and need are often inextricably linked, both have an effect on the world around us.  In this case, you simply need to feel a need for what you want to find.  Not just any sort of need like could use a meal because you're peckish, thats more a want.  You need to feel the desire within to find what you are after.  In this case, you are going to focus your need on me, I'll use the trick I just showed you before to go to different places.  Use your need to find me at each place."

 

 

Smiling, Anton leaned over and patted her on the shoulder. "You can do it."  And at that, he vanished.

 

It was a strange thing to Anabel, to try to travel by need.  It didn't help her nerves as she tried to focus on Anton, on needing to find him.  Her mind was playing tricks on her which did not make Anabel very happy at all.  Like when she thought "I need to find Anton" it always seemed to come up "I need Anton" only the connotation seemed to be a bit different.  She was about to scream out her frustration when she took a deep breath, calmed herself, then just let herself relax into the idea of it.  When she opened her eyes, she found herself stading on Dragonmount, staring straigh at Anton.    "That was... odd."   She said, unable to keep the flush from her cheeks. 

 

 

"Like the view?"  Smiling as he got a nod, Anton gestured to the White Tower.    "Its not a bad place, probably wouldn't be so welcome there now with these eyes of ours, but it was nice when I passed through there nevertheless.  At anyrate, we'll do this a few more times so you can get the hang of it.  Come on."

 

At that, Anton was standing at the shore of the Shadow Coast, the waves lapping short of his feet as he waited for her to turn up.  It wasn't long before she arrived and then he was off again, to Tremalking now as he stood beneath the shade of its most famous landmark.

 

Then it was to the Stone of Tear, again to the Square of Tammuz and from there to the throneroom of the Sun Palace in Cairhien itself.  Kinslayer's Dagger, World's End, deep within the Mountains of Mist, to Fal Moran and then just outside Far Madding in turn, he showed as much of the world as he could to her while her proficiency grew.  When it got to the point where she was trailing him only by a few seconds, he stopped at the campsite once more.  "You've done well, I think its fair to say that you have the idea now, no?"

 

 

"I have an idea that the world is not as it has always been, but it is much as it always was."   She said in a cryptic manner.  There were some times when everything around her seemed so different, but others when it seemed that the Turning of the Wheel hadn't happened at all.  She smiled sadly at Anton.    "Yes, I have an idea.  This seems to be a handy way to travel the dreams.  By need."

 

"The wheel turns but while some things change, some things remain the same.  But, perhaps now is the time to tell you.  Your training is now considered complete, I doubt that it will be long before you are approached and recognised as a Wolfsister, and as far as I am concerned you are already."

 

 

Stepping forward, Anton wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close.  "I'm very proud of you and how far you've come, not just your skills but everything else as well.  You still have a long way to go yet, but remember that no matter what you do, I will always be glad that you were my student.  You taught me as much as I taught you."

  Parting from her, Anton's smiled was tinged with sadness.  When she became a Wolfsister, she would no longer be his student and she would have her own duties to attend to.

 

And he had been telling the truth about her teaching him a great deal.  Usually the people he brought back to the Stedding were out of his hands once they were in.  But having his own students, Timewalker amongst them, had tested him in a lot of ways and encouraged him to bend, change even.  It was hard to be alone when you were charged with the care of the new Wolfkin, responsible for their upbringing.   "Have you given any thought to what you will choose to dedicate yourself to when the time comes?"

 

 

There was no question about the surprised look on her face.  She might have been expecting Anton to say a hundred things, but not that.  A Wolfsister?  She still had trouble focusing sometimes.  She had to keep a piece of bark in hand to make sure she didn't lose herself.  How was she complete?  But perhaps it was enough to be able to control it.  Would she ever be in a place where she didn't feel the pull of the past and the pain that shrouded her?  She shook her head, unable to answer her own questions or Anton's. "I... I'm not ready."   She said, then looked up at him, confused and pained by his words.  "I'm not ready to be without you."  This is what it all came to.  He had spent his time teaching her and now he was done with her.  Ready to move on and leave her alone.    "I..." she wasn't sure what to say, but she had to say something.    "No." She said angrily.    "No, i'm not ready.  I need you here."

 

 

 

"No, Timewalker, you don't." Anton shook his head. 

"I've taken you to a certain point, I've shown you the skills that you need to become a Wolfsister and I've been here for you, and I will be still.  But there are some things you must conquer for yourself, otherwise they become meaningless.  I know we don't talk about it but...  I saw.  I can't pretend to know what it was like, but I can tell you that sooner or later you will have to face that."

 

"Remember how a Wolfkin is about embracing both their human and their wolf side into one?  This is no different, if you want to be whole then that is a bridge you must cross.  You have what you need to do that within you, after this long and despite what you've suffered, I know that much.  And I think you do too, even if you can't quite admit it to yourself yet."

 

 

She didn't know what to say to that.  She didn't think she could talk about what had happened, didn't want to remember the pain of it again.  More than that, she was afraid she'd lose control and hurt him as she had in the beginning.  She truly didn't know what to do.  She nodded, unable to do anything else.  Taking a deep breath she finally looked up at him.  "I don't... I don't know how to trust them, the others.  Anyone."  Tears filled her eyes again and part of her was calling herself a fool for being a prat when he was trying to tell her something good.  But it meant another change and she was just learning to accept the way things had become.  "Can I travel with you?" She asked, her voice breaking in a way she thought it no longer could.  She had once thought that all her sorrow and pain had been spent, but life had seen fit to send more her way.  The wheel weaved as the wheel willed, and for Anabel it weaved pain. 

 

Anton hadn't quite expected this, he knew that Timewalker preferred his company to others but he thought with the few other contacts she had forged, like with Miryana, she would have been better prepared for this moment.  That maybe the trust built there would have spread, but it hadn't as of yet, maybe the Candarr sisters with time would help in that respect.  And Sohvi. "If, when the time comes and you chose your path, your leader lets you then yes, you will.  Trackers do not always travel alone.  Though I do not understand why you do not trust the others, you do not trust your senses?"

 

 

She gave a small laugh, though there was no joy in it.   "How can I trust my senses when I can't trust myself."  She moved towards him then, putting her hand against his temple.    "I tried to force images on you once, to force what I had been through onto you."    She dropped her hand from his head and took his hand.  Slowly, she dropped the blood stained stone from her other hand. "I use this, or a piece of bark to help me remember what is real, because if I don't I will lose myself in the wolf.  How can I trust myself?  I can navigate my dreams, I can track and play at swords well enough.  I can even heal.  But I can't trust who I am.  Everything around me is a lie, or I am.  Who is Timewalker?"  She asked softly.   "Why don't I know by now?" 

 

 

Looking at Timewalker carefully, Anton came to a decision as he laid a hand on her shoulder. "I want you to relax and wake up, I'll follow you in a moment and we're going to talk about this outside this world of dreams."  Why didn't I see this?

 

She didn't know if she could face this in the real world.  For some reason, it had been easier when it was all a dream.  Still, she knew she had to do it.  She had to wake eventually and if she tried to run, her body would still wake up with Anton, waiting for her.  She blinked back tears but she simply nodded so he knew she understood.  Closing her eyes, she imagined her rock back in her hand, felt the dig of it, then let go of everything she had been holding onto until the Wolf Dream was gone and only the unknown awaited her.

Anabel/Timewalker

Anton/FarPaw

[Wayfarer]

Starting, Anton sat up to find that Timewalker was already awake and watching him, waiting for him.  Their bedrolls were only a couple of yards apart so he simply sat up in his, knowing already what he wanted to say.  "Why don't you trust yourself?  You have your senses, you have our friendship, you have your life and a chance to start anew.  You survived while others died, yes, but do you think those people would begrudge you your life now?  Free from the war, free from all that suffering?  Why do you do this to yourself?"

 

She wasn't even sure how to answer him, wasn't sure she could.  It was now or never though, she understood that.  When they got back to the Stedding things would be different.  She had known, waiting for him to come back, that there was no way around it, but having listened to him, she couldn't help but dread this new development.  "No, they would not begrudge me life.  But it's not that I survived and they didn't.  This world, it isn't mine.  I didn't grow up here.  I wasn't born here.  The village I lived in is gone.  There is nothing left but farmlands there now.  It isn't that some people I knew died.  Everyone died.  And I don't know what happened to them.  Maybe they all lived long happy lives, or maybe they were all caught and tortured as I was." 

 

She looked down at her hands then.  "There is no way to find out.  When I close my eyes, when I try to stretch out and feel what's around me... it comes.  The pain.. the panic... and I don't want to remember.  I don't want to remember then and I don't want to remember now.  Why don't I trust myself?  Because I want to run then.  I want to lose myself in the wolf and never look back."  She shook her head.  "You wouldn't understand.  You can't understand.. what they did... what they... that little white room...."  Tears fell down her cheeks as she looked at him.  "I trust you.  Not me.  You brought me back from the edge and as much as I want that when the darkness comes out, I want my life when it's gone."

 

Sighing, Anton reached over and took both her hands into his own.  It was the only way he could think of helping her focus as he spoke.  "Its one thing to say I don't understand, its another thing to say that I can't.  I've never tried to push you into telling me things about you, I've always left it to you to decide when the time would be right.  But you can't say I could never ever understand if you never try to teach me.  If you want to learn to trust yourself, then the only way you can do that is by opening up."

 

"You have all of that pain bottled up inside, its no wonder you want to run with the wolves.  You're trying to carry a burden that is far beyond what any one person can handle.  So share it.  And..."  Sighing, Anton decided he needed to explain.  "I should have listened earlier, but I wasn't ready and...  Well, look.  I knew about Wolfkin when I first began to enter my Howling, and I recognised it.  I didn't believe that I was Wolfkin though, I'd already been to the stedding with a friend and had thought that if I was a Wolfkin, I would have been picked then and there."

 

"I thought I was going mad, after the Caemlyn Carnival...  The dead rose there, the undead themselves marched on us even as rats pulled people down in a dark swarm and the world itself seemed twisted into dark mirror of reality.  I thought I'd been unhinged, so I hid from everyone.  At the same time, the wolves were I was were less than welcoming, two legs had treated them badly and wolfkin or not they saw me simply as a two leg.  I..."

 

Anton sighed.  "I didn't know how to handle the images going through my head, and them ripping through my mind.  I couldn't seperate my thoughts from theirs and I was going mad, so much so that when Janna found me I didn't even recognise her.  I attacked her, I would have killed her if she hadn't struck me in a very sensitive spot and helped me get my reason back.  To this day, thats a shame I can never expunge, that I attacked her even as she tried to help.  To this day, I don't communicate with wolves except when I can see them, I keep myself seperate from the pack here because I'm afraid that if I let it into my mind for too long, I will lose myself again."

 

Realising that he'd been squeezing her hands, Anton forced himself to relax.  "I'm telling you this not because we're the same, our stories are very different.  I guess I'm telling you this to show you that you don't have to try and hold it all together by yourself.  You can open up, and you can eventually recover.  I might not touch my mind with the pack for long now, but I've come a long way from not doing it at all.  You can as well."

 

She had no idea about his own past.  He'd made a few comments of course, but nothing that really led her to the story she had just heard.  She didn't know how to respond to it, except to try to be honest with him about herself.  She took a deep breath, looking at his hands instead of at him.  He knew her story, or bits of it, but it was best to just come out with it all.  Part of her couldn't believe what she was about to say, but another part was relieved.  "Once upon a time I was a happy little girl.  Things got... hairy... for a while when I started to turn, but I was found early on by someone like you, a man named Joran.  He took me under his wing and I never looked back.  Joran and I were close..."  She said, the sadness beginning to well up at the mention of his name.  "I.. I loved him, and he loved me.  We we're always together.  We started working as messengers for Manetheren and we were happy to be a part of it really... to be of use.  But when Manetheren fell... we were too far away..." 

 

She took a deep breath.  There was no way to explain what Manetheren had been like for her, no way to explain being in a place that accepted her for who she was, where regular people saw her and didn't stare or fear.  Instead she continued on.  "We were on our way to meet with the other Wolfkin when the boat we were taking hit something and went down.  I... don't know how to swim.  I barely made it ashore alive.  I still don't know what happened to the others.  I was captured that night though by Darkfriends."  She said with disgust.  She closed her eyes against the rememberance, clutching tightly to his hand to ground her in the now.

 

"You saw the place that I woke, saw what they had been doing..."  She took a deep breath.  "They were threatening worse when someone else came and threw me into a little white room." She gave him a sad smile.  "I know I've mentioned the little white room, but nothing could do it justice.  There is nothing to it, just white walls.  No door, no windows.  It's always lit, but there is no fire to light it, no source for the light to come from.  There was a little food thrown in with me, a little water, but nothing else.  I was left there for I don't know how long.  I was never let out, I just woke when I hit the water.  I was in a river, drowning again.  I nearly panicked but I fought my way out and was found by a little village woman.  She couldn't understand me and I couldn't understand her, but she tried to take care of me.  In the end though, I needed to get away.  I couldn't remain there.  When I reached out to the wolves, they were the ones that confirmed that my people were gone.  So I ran, with no place to go because the wolves didn't know about those of my kind except in the old stories.  When you found me, I was almost past belief."

 

She took a deep breath.  "The wolves changed my name and when they did I realized I had to change to.  I couldn't be who I had been.  My life was over. My life had died with my world and everyone I had evern known and loved."  Tears stood in her eyes as she looked up at Anton then.  "The wolves called me Autumn Flight." She said, giving him the mental impression of her former name as well so that he could understand the full meaning of it.  Her bottom lip trembled then, but she continued on.  "If you had known me, if you had been to Manetheren before her fall, you would have called me Anabel.  But Anabel Leeson, Autumn Flight... she died with the fall, or with the river crashing around her, or in that little white room.  I don't know when, but she died.  And Timewalker is all that remains."

 

The story was more than he could have ever hoped to piece together, and it was hard to know what to feel.  He felt sympathy, he felt sorry for her, he wished she hadn't gone through it.  At the same time, if she hadn't then they would never have met, and he was fairly sure he would have been a lot poorer for it.  Not that that justified what was done to her in any way, not even close.  But it was her final words, the resignation of herself as if she had passed away, she might say that and feel it but Anton didn't believe it was true, couldn't.

 

"I don't know what to say about what happened to you, you're right in that I can't completely understand it.  But I don't think it is simply 'Timewalker' that remains.  That the wolves call you Timewalker simply means that how they see you has changed.  But you are not simply how they see you, that is one aspect of you.  You've focused on this facet so long, hiding from the rest of yourself that it is little wonder that you want to run to the wolves and let it all go.  Perhaps in this world it is the only thing you feel certain about?"

 

"But there is more to you than that.  The human side of you, that part that felt the knives and worse the most, that withstood that prison of white for all that time.  You can't live an incomplete life, otherwise its no life at all.  I don't think Anabel is dead at all, hurt and wounded and hiding perhaps, but you are still there.  If you were only Timewalker, you would be running with the pack right now."

 

"I... Anabel doesn't make sense here." She said when her tears had let up enough for her to speak.  "She... how do you lose everything?  How do you lose it all and stay sane?  I don't know how.  I... she... I needed the wolves more than anything else.  They made sense.  They were comfortable.  Even when no one could understand me, they could."

 

Anton wished he had Miryana's insight now, she was much better at this than he was but it was now or not at all.  All he could do was answer truthfully and hope he said the right things, because he wasn't going to let her slip off and surrender her humanity for her wolf nature.  Not after she'd survived everything else that led to this moment.  "You do make sense here, Anabel.  Its a different time, a different place, but the wheel doesn't weave these things for no reason.  You are meant to be here, you might not know why yet, but there is a reason for this, the whole reason your thread was spun to begin with."

 

"You needed the wolves and they were there for you.  But I don't think they meant for you to simply be Timewalker and forget your human heritage.  You are human and wolf in a single form, greater than the sum of your parts.  You are not alone, I might be different, as may Miryana and many others compared to those you lost.  But we are here, holding out our hands for you to grasp like this."  Lifting up Anabel's hands in his own, he continued.  "We're here to help you get back on your feet, all you need to do is take a chance like you did now.  You were Anabel Leeson the Autumn Flight, now you are Anabel Leeson the Timewalker.  I might not know the Anabel of the past, but the Anabel of the here and now is home."

 

Anabel took a deep breath, trying to hear what he was saying.  Her emotions were raw and her feelings were too strong to back down from.  She had to though.  Anton was offering her support, but it was a far cry from anything else.  What she needed most was a friend and he had given her that.  She blinked back tears, not knowing how to respond to Anton.  She wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that she was really supposed to be here, that her life truly had a purpose.  Could she really be herself here?  Could she find a way to be Anabel and still be Timewalker?  She didn't know, but she thought just maybe if she tried... maybe...  She took a deep breath and looked at Anton.  "I don't have anything to lose do I?  If I don't try, I will lose my sanity sooner or later won't I?"  She shrugged as she looked at him.  "But... I don't want anyone else calling me Anabel." She said softly.  "Maybe as I get to know more people.. but for now... just you."

 

However the internal struggle within Anabel was playing itself out, the result flooded Anton with relief.  He'd been worried that he'd say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and undo all the help he'd tried to give.  He could live with being the only person who knew her as Anabel, as she grew stronger in her trust she'd reach out to others, eventually, as long as she needed to get her confidence and sense of self back.  "Until you're ready for others to know Anabel, I won't tell another soul."  There was still the other topic that had started it all though.  "But, have you given it thought?  A Ranger, Sage, Tracker or Watcher will you be?"

 

She smiled and gave a light laugh as he brought the question up again.  "I have thought a little on it.  I can't see myself staying back and waiting for things to happen, nor could I see myself dedicating myself to heal others when I could not heal myself just yet.  I am content to continue as I have, to roam as you do.  I find that while we were moving, on the road and looking for others, I felt better there.  I felt more a part of things."  She didn't know how he'd take it.  If he'd think she was just trying to say it to stay close to him, or if he would understand that it had really felt good to be travelling and doing something.  She bit her lower lip.  "I think that is where I belong for now."

 

"I knew it!"  Laughing as he moved closer, Anton threw his arms around her and gave her a warm hug.  He'd seen how well attuned her mind as well as her senses were towards Tracking, she was learning how to handle herself and most importantly for a Tracker, she had a good deal of compassion.  That, more than anything else, was what new Wanderers needed when they were found.  Parting, Anton's grin was as broad as his face.  "You'll be most welcome amongst the Trackers, that I can tell you."

 

She didn't know how she had managed to go from on the verge of tears to laughing, but as Anton held her, she was suddenly laughing.  She had struggled with the idea for some time, having come from a world so different from this one, but in the end she had just come to try to find where she was most at home.  She didn't know if she would work well like this, with her speech it made others have difficulty with her, but that was something she could work on in time.  She would make the effort.  "Thank you." She said with a shy smile, feeling suddenly self conscious.  "I just hope I can help."

 

Smiling, Anton nodded.  "You will Anabel, you will."