Epiphany

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

I dreamed I was missing. You were so scared.

But no one would listen 'Cause no one else cared.

 

After my dreaming I woke with this fear,

What am I leaving

When I'm done here_?

 

 

 

::Black Ajah... White Tower... The Academy of the Rose... Cairhien... Home...::

 

There was a bitter taste in the Highest's mouth as she sat in her leather chair deep within the Rose Quarters of the Red Ajah. The large mahogany desk dominated the small study room. It was covered with countless notions, gadgets and articles of little importance, yet she none of it could hold her interest. It all seemed insubstantial compared to the grand scheme of things, and in the end the shawl on her shoulders was left feeling more like a nuisance than a burden to take pride in. Even the walls which paraded novellas, journals and other great works that pieced together the vast tapesty of history, seemed shallow and of little value.

 

::Why am I here?::

 

It was a question that seemed more hollow than it should. Too many were missing in this place. Maegan no longer felt at home here now that so many people that she had held dear had deserted her for the Creator's hand. She could not blame him for his desire to hold them. They were all amazing women of unparalleled resolve. Maegan could not help but feel cheated in these threads that were woven around her. But as she sat there she could feel her life being measured, and she had little doubt that she would be found wanting.

 

"The Wheel weaves as the Wheel Wills." She thought bitterly as she placed the quill in her hand neatly on the desk, taking care to line it up perfectly with the pile of papers that had been left on her desk. Countless letters, statistics and the designs for various projects filled up more than three-quarters of her room, yet she failed to see the purpose of it all. Little she did ever offered up real results. Even the odd Ter'Angreal that she had spent years designing seemed worthless to her.

 

The worst part of it all, which inevitably made Maegan feel guilty all over, was that, despite everything that was occuring she could not bring herself to care one way or the other about to the future of the White Tower. This very thought shouldevoke something greater than the bitterness she felt, but it did not. Instead it was crowding her vision, blocking out the whole of her resolve. And so Maegan questioned her very existance.

 

Why was the Tower so important to her? Why was it the Red Shawl that she chose on that day she swore her oaths? In spite of all the years that she had toiled under the Tower laws swetting in the dry depths of the Cairhien library, Maegan Ryanne was no closer to finding an answer than she had been the day she first put on the white.

 

Why had she agreed to lead an Ajah when she could not even fathom its purpose? All who stood tall and mighty were long since sent away, never to return. The Red Ajah dwindled in numbers each year, and with the number of new Novices and Accepted continuing to diminish, fewer than ever held the any shawl at all. Now that both the Crimson and the Scarlet Quarters were deserted, Maegan felt like a true failure. A failure to everything that the Red Ajah should stand for.

 

It was not that Maegan was weak in her resolve. Moreover, as age overcame her, so did the reality that her true purpose might carry her far away from the Tower she had once called home. If anything she stayed more out of expectation than of purpose. But If this was true, then should she continue to stay at all? Shouldn't she pack it all up and leave everything that the Tower had brought her? Would her continued presence help anybody that remained in the place where she had lain her head for the last 118 years? If she was not contributing to the whole of the body, than should not the useless piece be removed? The logic in it made more sense to Maegan than anything else in had these past years. At least within the Rose Halls she did not need to look over her shoulder in fear of a sister of the Shawl. The White Tower and all of its occupants saw far too much death, most of which could have been avoided. The staggering total was sickening, and the thought of it placed even more weight on Maegan's already over-burdened shoulders. But still she challenged herself to think it through.

 

"If I leave," She spoke carefully to the room empty of all but the air she took breath from, "Is it giving up, or merely moving on to a place of more substance in hopes to collect more fruit?" The question was rhetorical, and she did not immediately answer. However it did cause her to pause, as she dwelled on the sheer consequences of whatever she chose. Would she choose? What would she chose? Why would she choose that particular answer?

 

And if she were to leave the White Tower would she ever bother to return?

 

Pulling the spectacles from the bridge of her nose, she set the, down on her desk near where the piles of paper were at their lowest. Toiling under her own oaths, her own burdens, she suddenly grew tired of all her secrets and the formal appearances that she was forced to maintain. No more. So tempting to speak, saying it out load. Writing it into the Pattern.

 

"The Pattern be damned." She cursed under her breath. It always seemed to lead her into a corner with no way out and no room to breathe. Reaching for her glasses once more, she slipped them back onto her nose. As she did, a paper caught her eye. Leaning forward, Maegan was surprised to see the name 'Lillian' on the cover. She could hardly forget the girl's withdrawn nature. They could have been close. They were of a kindred spirit, each gazing out through eyes that hide the truth of their own existance.

 

With a gentle hand Maegan picked up the threaded booklet and settled back into her large chair to read. At first Maegan struggled with the 'Foreword', her mind so attuned to what she expected of the Tower that this was radical enough to catch her by surprise. But upon turning the page, Maegan was hooked.

 

1. Sustainability & Recruitment

 

 

"..._In conclusion, to achieve sustainable numbers the Tower’s two obvious options are to not only actively seek out new students, it must also dispense with the taboo of Aes Sedai bearing children."

 

 

Maegan paused repeatedly in her reading reflect on her own Ajah. As it stood, there were few sisters that would even approach a man outside of the Tower, and the majority of new Novices were found either through good fortune while in the field, or from a blood relative. Thinking back on the scandal that surrounded Telcia Sedai and her relationship with the Tower Guard Iussi who later became a Male Channeler, it became frighteningly apparent that an Aes Sedai bearing children was not all that unthinkable. The main reason that Red Sisters did not bond men from the Warder's Yards was to protect them from the pain of losing the bond.

 

But the truth of the matter is that the possibility of Telcia and Iussi's children producing the Spark or Talent to Channel were astronomically larger than the children of parents that did not posses such talents. The simple fact of the matter is that it was completely feasible for an Aes Sedai to bear a child, but the limitations that the Tower placed on their charges squandered this foreseeable solution.

 

But Maegan's qualms with the Tower and its conduct grew deeper as she read on.

 

2. Education & Ethics

 

 

.."a) The sheltered nature of the education inhibits the effectiveness of new Aes Sedai until they are reacclimatised with the world.

b) A disproportionate number of sisters spend most of their time within the Tower, one of the contributing factors for this is the limit of outside contact which has focused them inward.

c) The sheltered nature of the education is also isolationist. It may cultivate identity with the Tower but the separation from non-channelers not affiliated with the Tower is a problem, one that will be dealt with in later chapters." ...

 

 

 

Unlike the majority of the Novices that are entered into the Tower records, Maegan had received a full education prior to donning the Novice White. The better part of her novitiate had been spent adjusting to her disability and learning to make it her advantage. It was because of her previous learning that she was able to keep up and even succeed where others faltered and failed. Her imagination was highly developed and it allowed her to improvise in situations that required answers she might not have been able to provide otherwise. The largest contributing factor in this case was her knowledge of weaves. She made balls of light differently than any other, but still managed to achieved the same results. It could also be seem in her ability to create items that would have otherwise been lost in Ages past.

 

Anouther unfortunate point that Maegan agreed with was the sheer degree of the expectations placed on the Sisters to be. The standards were placed at nigh unattainable heights, and all women withint the tower were expected to attain them regardless of the lives they led before the tower. But with only one failure, the students were dismissed. To Maegan, education is a gift that should be shared with any that wanted to learn. The Academy that she had helped found placed high demands on their students, true enough, but they never showed one that wished to learn to the door. Had she, herself, been unable to complete all that the Tower had expected of her, there would have been no life for her. It would be the same of any other that had been turned away.

 

This thought lead for her to wonder just how far from the Aes Sedai's true purpose the Tower must be when the 'Servants of All' shunned the very people that they were meant to serve. It was a harsh truth, but the reputation that an Aes Sedai has acheived has been of their own doing. This gave Maegan pause. As a member of the Tower, was she any better, or was she just as guilty merely by association? Although she tried to set an example, not one sister truely knew of her work outside of the Tower. It simply was not asked about. Pushing aside the rising guilt, Maegan continued to read.

 

.."The other defence abandons ethics altogether and instead contends that the Arches are the only way to truly test someone. Why? The two main purposes of the test are to ensure the loyalty of those that pass through to the White Tower over other considerations and to force individuals to confront their weaknesses." ...

 

 

Nodding her head in agreement, Maegan shifted in the chair, searching for a more comfortable position. She had one thought on the subject, and it was all she felt was needed.

 

The White Tower brainwashed their charges to ensure unquestionable loyalty. Maegan smirked a little to herself, as if some side of her suddenly saw a little more of the unfolding picture. :::It is of little wonder that Sisters of the Shadow have formed within the Tower Halls, relying on the very Oaths we speak on our raising. The Tower has just come to assume itself to be untouchable.:::

 

"Small wonder we are falling apart from the inside..." But Maegan had never questioned this train of thought as she felt strongly on this subject for many years now. To read such lines of thought on paper, however, stirred mixed feelings with in her; pride for such bold words; guilt because they were not her own. How long had she believed such radical ideas without giving them voice?

 

....Too long.

 

3. Sisterhood & Ajah

 

The chapter was simple, wordy and reiterating one point. The concept of Ajah removes the indiviual by defining a Sister by the colour of her Shawl. A definition established long before that Sister was a spark in her grandmother's eye. The same series of expectations placed on Novices and Accepted could just as easily be applied. It garunteed power and prestege to certain Sisters and, though an Ajah might form a bond of unity, the Tower itself was divided.

 

"..‘United we Stand, Divided we Fall’."

 

 

She personally placed little meaning on the colour of the shawl and would befriend or berate equally. The colour of the Shawl was only a philosophy and a way of life. It does not change who the person is.

 

4. Statehood & Foreign Policy

 

Politics had never been her strong suite. Maegan only stayed as a Sitter to ensure the status of her Ajah and ensure that they were placing their best foot forward. So it was with care that Maegan read on. Concerns that she had purposely avoided flowed over the paper, and a different form of reality started to reveal itself. :::Already Woven:::

 

And then Lillian's conclusion struck a profound chord.

 

Let us say that in each major nation, we build a chapterhouse where we station at least, say twenty Aes Sedai.

 

These Aes Sedai are tied to their particular region and to particular duties. Yellow sisters to the healing of the sick in the city, Gray sisters with the mediation of local disputes as well as acting as ambassadors and advisors, White and Brown sisters with the development of education, the list goes on. Aes Sedai are seen actively engaged in the different communities they are present in, not being whispered about for meddling in the politics and being generally nefarious and untrustworthy. Instead, people begin talking about how one Yellow sister saved a man’s leg, or how a Brown sister has been teaching the children of a district for a year.

 

It is a simple concept, lead by example.

 

 

Maegan was floored. Her very life's work dwelt outside of the Tower, dedicated to the Educational Learning and Developmental Studies of the Cairhien Library; The Academy of the Rose. There was no longer any mystery between the Library and the Tower. Although secret in nature, the Academy had no false notions of what the Tower would do if they got their hands on the potencial that resided within its walls. The Tower horded all potential knowledge, deeming those under them "unfit" to access it. It had taken Maegan years to develop enough respect to be trusted by the scholars, and students, even though they had known her since the day she was conceived.

 

Reflecting on the state of the Tower, Maegan could already see improvement in this area. One would be the removal of Isolated Punishment. Novices and Accepted should not only be educated in the world, as the paper mentioned earlier, but also should contribute to the community through servitude, thus establishing stronger ties between the White Tower and the people she served.

 

Setting these thoughts aside for now, Maegan continued.

 

5. The Mantle of Aes Sedai

 

:::Why?:::

 

"Why?"

 

 

Maegan found no reason to ask such a trivial question after having everything placed so perfectly in front of her. But then, Maegan had never been slow to understand the point of an arguement. As she took that brief moment to think back on why she was sitting at her desk in the first place, a single tear began to run down her cheek.

 

But it was not merely survival that they were playing at. The Mantle was as heavy to bear now as it always was. But now she felt that it was somehow more defined; more concrete in the Pattern that was now unrolling before her eyes. New threads, old threads, it was a masterpeice beyond anything she had ever seen or imagined. It was simply beautiful.

 

She touched the frills of the shawl that rested on her shoulders, running the crimson string through her fingers. Setting the remarkable peice of work on the desk, Maegan grew silent in meditative thought.

 

"My Ajah of Humanity." She whispered, lost in thought as the tear rolled unnoticed down her cheek. "How far have we fallen from what we once swore to be." Opening a concealed part of her desk, Saidar barely flicking a light as she released the lock, and pulled out a device known to none save the members of her Ajah. She had not thought of  it in the long years since attaining her position.

 

Triggering the Ter'Angreal, a gorgeous man stood before her. An image that was projected from a time long before she had even known of the Tower. The Red Ajah. On her lips she translated each word of the Old Tongue as the man's story unfolded.

 

"The color of your banner Sister, let it be your reminder of those who have gone on in this task; for crimson shall be everywhere anyone can see for perhaps lifetimes to come... until the time when this malady afflicts us no more and we can again be as one." The tears ran more freely.

 

"Look to it, and remember me fondly as I was and not as the monster I have become. Remember my last service to all, and the last gift we shall all give when the last embrace of the mother welcomes us home. Until the day we are together again Sister... I will rest well knowing that you keep the watch."

 

The image faded as it always did: with pools of unstaining blood before her eyes. The Mantle she bore was a heavier burden that she never known. It burned her. She could no longer do it alone.

 

But now she did not need to.

 

Pulling her shawl around her shoulders, for the first time since she had been raised, she wore her shawl outside of her quarters. Not bothering with the state of her unruely hair, Maegan decided that she needed to think more. She needed time to grasp exactly what was about to transpire. Into the gardens that surround the Tower, Maegan walked, glowing under the light of the brilliant moon.

 

:::Already Woven.:::

 

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne Sedai

A Humbled Servant

 

 

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed..

 

Leave out all the Rest - Linkin Park

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RP References to:

My Brothers Keeper - http://forums.dragonmount.com/index.php/topic,922.0.html (Final Thread)

A Decade's Conclusion - http://forums.dragonmount.com/index.php/topic,17545.12.html

[Wayfarer]

Standing from her seat, Lillian took a few steps away from the bench as she felt the grass underfoot crunch beneath her slippers.  Holding her hands up before her as she spread her feet slightly and bent her knees, her hands began to trace patterns through the warm night air, slow yet controlled.  Exercises aimed at developing her control and understanding of her movement, they were just as important for the training of her mind.  The process was an analytical one, attempting to understand herself as completely as possible even as she took a step forward, sweeping her arms before her in a tight arc.

 

In the end, one of Lillian's realisations by the time she had become a sister of the White Ajah was that her entire understanding of the world was rooted within her understanding of herself.  By understanding that self, she could then better understand the world around her and thereby be better placed to do what was necessary within it.  When one understood one's movement, one could then appreciate how the air parted to make way for the hand as it fell low then rose once more.  One could grasp that with every step one took, while one moved forward one may also trample something underfoot.

 

While in her present state, such a thing mattered little, grass was always underfoot so would always be trodden on.  Yet the principle was that of force, and how force exerted had consequences.  Everything was linked in the pattern, one could not shift the course of one thread without influencing the others around it.  Therefore, one had to not only choose what thread one wished to alter or, if necessary, end, to achieve one's goal.  One had to determine how because for every action and reaction, there was a chain of events that would follow, much like there was a chain of events that led to the moment she was in now.

 

She was tired yet too tired to sleep, her new room still felt uncomfortable to her after so many years in the Accepted Halls, she wanted to be somewhere that she would have some time to herself, her exercises helped her calm her mind as much as they helped her think in a strange paradox.  That was a small piece of the chain of events and ideas that had led her to the garden where she practiced now, her blade lying on the bench as she practiced with her bare hands and feet.

 

The chain she did not understand was the one that had led Maegan to the garden where she was practicing.  She was taking her time approaching Lillian, giving her the time needed to finish her form before she came to a stop.  Inclining her head to Maegan with a slight smile on her face as the woman stopped a couple of feet before her.

 

"Maegan, I did not expect company but yours is certainly welcome.  How are you?"

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

It did not surpise Maegan in the least to find Lillian. She was exactly where she was meant to be. She inclined her head in greeting. "Quite well. Do you have a moment?"

 

Lillian nodded her head.

 

The winds around them were warm dispite the colder contrast of the bare moon above them. Without gazing back at the newly raised Aes Sedai, Maegan spoke.

 

"The year I lost my sight was the year I was entered into the Novice books. I knew the moment I heard the Ata Sedai's voice I knew that my life was no longer my own. Yet I still hung on to the ideals that I grew up with while under my fathers encouragement; To always find more than one answer to any solution. With eyes blind to all but colour and rough forms I trained under the tutelage of Deyalyn Sedai. She encompassed all that a mentor should be. Brilliance, Challenge and Patience. She taught at the ease, if not more so, as the Scholars of the Cairhien Libraries. Regardless of frustrations and obstacles, she stuck by and encouraged me every step of the way_."

 

Mae paused with a small smile on her lips. "If there was one Aes Sedai that deserved the title of Servant of All It would be Deya. Her heart was like no other that I can remember.

 

"The time came for me to choose the Shawl that I would represent, and like you, I hunted down any and every sister that would speak with me, asking questions and challenging the very purpose of their Ajah. I would not - could not - simply pick up a shawl based on a talent or common denominator. If that would have been the case than I would have a Brown Shawl on my shoulders instead of Red.

 

"I wanted to make a difference, Lillian. I wanted to be more than what had been expected of me. I honestly believed that the Shawl of the Red Ajah, their very purpose, their core of belief and standerds were exactly how i felt the Tower should be. And as deep as Ajah rivalry ran, the Red Sisters that I spoke with showed more conviction, more Passion; more Love for what they believed in and strove to achieve than any other Ajah combined.

 

"However, countless times I had been told that I was not envied to still wear the banded dress. Even now, I still do not agree with that frame of logic. ' Suggesting an open-mindedness regarding a Sisters involvement in her Ajah is a little oxymoronic in nature.'; I was told. Along with the simple notion that it was impossible to look at an Ajah Objectively.

 

"I read your thesis. In the space of a few leafs of paper you did just that. You placed the whole of the Tower objectively and worked your way to a reasonable solution. Years I have been searching for a meaning to why the Aes Sedai function the way they do and how to fix it. But than I got caught up in my search that I lost the end of my goal and was, instead, distracted by projects that - although of value - did not contribute to my initial goal I set for myself once obtaining the Shawl."

 

Maegan turned to look at Lillian. She faced her like a woman, like a friend. The tears behind her eyes visible with a smile so raw that Maegan knew no way else to feel.

 

"You gave me my purpose back. For that I thank you from the depths of my heart."

 

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne Sedai

Highest

[Wayfarer]

When Maegan had asked for a moment, of all the things Lillian had been expecting to hear from Maegan when she acquiesced, what followed was not what she had expected.  Lillian had long since learned that the red sister often kept a certain distance with everyone around her, including herself though that was not so surprising since the last time they had spoken, Lillian had worn a banded hem.  Lillian had learned little of her sister's life, as a sister let alone her time as an Accepted or Novice.  To hear Maegan speaking of it now was shocking, and at the same time a privilege to be the one that she was revealing this to.

 

That Maegan had read her thesis was also surprising, Lillian had known that a few people other than the Mistress of Novices had perused it yet she had not thought that Maegan would be amongst those who would read it.  Not in her wildest dreams did she think it would make such an impact upon a single sister.  She had thought to provoke thought, to question the established order of things, to hopefully begin a long process by planting the seeds of doubt in what was.

 

She had not thought that she would crack Maegan's mask so far that she would be standing before her not only in agreement, but with a heartfelt smile and tears in her eyes.  To know that she wasn't alone, that there was at least one other that believed as she did, that was a gift given with such honesty that Lillian's own eyes began to water as she took quick step forward and hugged her sister, an embrace that was returned as she spoke without reservation.  "Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone, Mae."

 

It was awhile before they parted, though Lillian took Maegan's hands into her own.  Squeezing them reassuringly, Lillian's smile was still on her tearstreaked face.  "That was a little fast."  Getting a nervous laugh from Maegan, it was one she echoed herself.  They'd gone from familiar to friends within the space of a few minutes, close friends at that and it had Lillian a little overwhelmed to say the least.  One did not expect senior sisters to simply reveal themselves like that, and Lillian was glad she had been proven wrong.

 

"We should celebrate, but we're going to have to fix your hair if we're going into town."  Running a hand through Maegan's hair, Lillian smiled ruefully as she ran a hand through her own.  "Mine as well, let me just get my sword and we'll get you ready."  Stepping over to the bench and grabbing the scabbard with one hand, Lillian looped her other arm through one of Maegan's.  "Come on."

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

Funny, ain't it?

Games people play.

Scratch it, paint it,

One in the same.

 

We couldn't find them,

So we tried to hide them,

Words that we couldn't say.

 

 

To find Lillians arms around her was - alarming. However, without thought Maegan embraced her back, burring her head into the taller womans shoulders as the walls withing her seemed to crash down. Within her the termoil and lonelyness seemed to fade away as she could feel the woman's arms tighten around her. Poetry in nature, music in song, words formed within her mind without actually taking root, all for save one.

 

-Friend-

 

Maegan would have given anything for a friend. And shamefully she has allowed herself to be conditioned by the Tower into believing that there was no such thing as trust between sisters, even within the Ajah. All were but whispers of a lie, a half truth, a mystery that lead to secrets and schemes, plots and horrendous deeds untold.

 

-Sister- The word held so much more meaning now. So very much so. And she enoyed that moment more than anything, refusing to let go. Finally pulling away, Maegan smiled as Lillian slipped her hand into hers. She chuckles nervously as Lillian spoke first. "The wheel weaves an interesting Pattern. Some may think it took too long."

 

"We should celebrate, but we're going to have to fix your hair if we're going into town." Lillian ran her finger through Maegans rich brown hair, barely escaping the knots within. Maegan smiled sheepishly as she touched her own hair, following Lillian with her gaze. She rarely took the time to care for her hair unless she desired to make a more desirable impression. Ter'Angreals did not care how one looked. "Mine as well, let me just get my sword and we'll get you ready."

 

"I do not know about you, but my room is filled with very little beyond a gown or two for a formal occassion." Maegan pulled on a curl of her hair with a warmed look to her features, as her thoughts seemed attached to her very lips. "What do you say, my dear?"

 

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

 

Sometimes, baby,

We make mistakes.

Dark and hazy,

Prices we pay.

 

Someday, maybe,

We'll make it right.

Until that day,

Long endless nights.

~Yoko Kanno

 

 

[Wayfarer]

Reclaiming her sword from the bench, Lillian laughed as she walked over and took Maegan's hand and began to lead her.  If Maegan didn't have anything to wear, then Lillian could take care of that.  She had enough different dresses of all shapes and sizes that she'd have something for her to wear.  She also had plenty of things to fix Maegan up with, even as a young child she'd been meticulous about her appearance and she was already mentally calculating everything they'd need to do in order to be presentable in order to head into town.  So much for her tiredness, but hopefully she'd get drunk quicker.

 

"I have a few things, we'll get you prepared in no time.  Trust me."  Making their way back inside the Tower, there was surprisingly no one to see them as they made their way through the halls, to the White Ajah quarters and into Lillian's domicile.  Her favourite tapestries of eight Ajah lining the walls to either side, it was more colourful than that of most of her Ajah sisters whose accomodations were generally rather spartan.  While it might not have been necessary, the design of her room made Lillian comfortable and that was the main purpose of a home, a place of rest and comfort.

 

Leading her to a door on their right, it opened into a small corridor with a door ahead and one either side.  Taking another right, Lillian opened the door to reveal her bathroom.  A tub sitting in the centre of the room, it was large enough for several people which was fortunate because both of them were going to need to use it.  Unclasping her hand from Maegan's, she used it to gesture to the tub as she spoke.  "Make some water and jump in.  That table next to it has my soaps and oils for my hair.  I'm going to go to find some things for us to wear and a towel for you."

 

Stepping outside, Lillian opened the door to her own room as she called to Maegan.  "Make sure the water is hot!"

 

 

Lillian Tremina

Sister of the White Ajah

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

 

[i know you are but what am I? - Mogawi]

 

 

There were a lot of things that a person experience in thier lives. There were things that many did not. Maegan had grown used to the silence of the world around her up in the Highest quarters of the Red Ajah, away from the dark receding memories that haunted her like a bad dream. Death and deception were not of things that she was not familiar with and had on more occassions destroyed the very people around her with one very simple thought in her mind. Survival. but as she walked into the pristine quarters of a sister Maegan had once beaten at a fair hand of sword play, Maegan found herself in a very different situation than she had been used to while she was in the Tower.

 

Friends were not people you find in the Tower. They were people you found amoung family and thsoe that you will yourself to show emotion around, and yet here she was with a genuine smile and a warmed heart that there was, even just one, a sister of the shawl that survived with her humanity intact and her heart on an impervious sleeve. She had no doubt that this daughter, this sister of such younger years will unite those that she pulls into contact with, and regardless of what anyone says, Maegan will throw her shawl down and deny her Ajah if it meant bringing a form of unity to a Tower that stood divided and weak. A shawl was only a colour.

 

Tugging on her shawl she laid it carefully on the bench by the vast tub, mindful of Lillian's distinct habits, and than stood by the white tub. Maegan pulled her spectacles of her nost and placed it ontop of the Shawl. Embracing the ever familiar stars that bruned brighter within her, Saidar rose to life within her, channeling Water around the tub that mingled with a thick thread of Fire the tub warmed quickly to a point perfect for a bath yet not hot enough to actually scald the skin. Maegan prefered a hotter bathwater as it cleansed the dust from her hair far better than a lukewarm. She doubted Lillian had her water any cooler than hers. Undressing she slipped into the tub just as Lillian walked to the doorway. Maegan could not tell if the girl... no woman, was dressed or not without her spectacles but she called to her just the same.

 

"It is quite hot water, I hope you do not mind."

 

 

 

 

Maegan Ryanne

Just a Sister..

[Wayfarer]

Smiling as Maegan asked her about the water, Lillian tossed the towel she had picked out for Maegan on her clothes as she tested the heat with her hand.  Perfect.  Taking her own towel off, she laid it aside as she spoke.  "Its perfect Maegan."  Slipping in, a wave of drowsiness hit her but she batted it away in turn, she was definitely not falling asleep now.  Reaching over to a nearby bench, she removed a tray and set it on the water before them.  She'd had to tamper with it a little in the past to make sure it would float, especially with its burden of bottles that balanced easily enough.  "Hair oils, catch the scent of each one and decide which one you'd like."

 

Making note of the floating try, Maegan smiled with approval. Very clever. Picking up a bottle closest to her, Maegan open the lit to smell and wrinkled her noes at the highly sweet perfume of flowers that might have been found in an open field. Setting it back on the try she picked anouther and found the rose and mint a wonderful compliment to the other. But it was the third that did the trick. A yellow glass bottle that had a wonderful combination of Mint, Ginger and the slightest hint of yew that she settled right away on the bottle.

 

"Would you mind? I am not the best with my hair and often get a Novice to assist me." Maegan was not about to admit she never really had a mother to help her with such things. sure, she could bath, but it was out of necessity, not surreally. "I could try yours if you show me how?" Her thoughts wandering a little to the odd shift of the day. And on a slightly more serious ponder as she recalled that last time she had met up with the young woman years ago in the Yard. How things had changed.

 

"Of course.  Now, come and sit here."  Gesturing to her lap as she moved the tray out of Maegan's way, Lillian let it float next to her so it was easily within reach.  Removing the stopper from the bottle even as Maegan settled down on her knees, Lillian took the scoop that was on the tray and began to douse Maegan's hair as she ran her free hand through the hair gently, trying to identify knots of which there were a number.  That would take a bit of work, but nothing that she couldn't fix.  Her hair soaked, Lillian reached for the oils as she asked.  "So, any idea of where you would like to go in town?  Somewhere that you favour often?"

 

Gripping a soft cloth, slowly rubbing it along her arms as Lillian worked her way through the knots in her hair, Maegan thought on the womans words as she proceeded to rub a few other oils into her skin. "Other then the Spa, I have not ventured often into Tar Valon. More of my explits have been in Cairhien and even those are few and far inbetween." Maegan chuckled a little. "Too serious for my own good, in that respect, I suppose. Although for a while I frequented the Tower Guard Common Room. That is until they discovered the colour of my Shawl. That, however, was years back."

 

"Thats rather surprising, maybe you just went to the wrong common room.  Each common room has its own atmosphere I've found and the Tower Guard are just as different."  Not that she'd had that many opportunities to visit the common rooms, but she'd made the time where she could.  It was always useful to know what the Tower Guard were like on their spare hours, it helped gain insight into them while they were on duty.  But, Lillian discarded that thought as she continued to work on Maegan's hair as she led the questioning elsewhere.  "Is it truly that bad?  The repugnance for those of your shawl?  Do people only see that shawl and not you?"

 

"I have rarely worn my shawl unless int he Hall" she paused momentarily, "Or to see you this evening. I hold a high regard for those that obtain the shawl, and for the morals that stand behind it, hoever the ethis at which others have stepped forth with each cause, each motion towards the future..." The slowed her speech considerably, enjoying Lillians touch to her hair, like that of her own maid, and thought carefully one what to reveal. So much of her had learned that to trust was to give weakness and so few would would know not to advance with such knowledge and to use it against her.

 

However, she knew it was safe with Lillian. Much of herself knew and threw weight to this knowledge. "Do not under estimate the power one could have with the Shawl. Although it has been prefefines, like the Pattern it weaves its own will and the Web will show in time all that will need to be seen." She smiles, causing small ripples in the water. "Even yours has a web still yet to be defines. And it has nothing to do with your shawl."

 

Chuckling, Lillian acknowledged the comment about her web having little to do with her shawl.  She hadn't worn it once since her raising, and she planned to wear it as little as possible, both physically and metaphorically.  She was who she was, and while the White Tower had shaped her over a period of three decades, there were still things that she retained as being hers and herself.  She placed herself in the context of the world, not the Tower, and that served to humble her rather than inflate her self opinion.  "We are limited by what we see ourselves as and what we see we are not.  Sometimes a lack of definition serves best."

 

Finishing with Maegan's hair, Lillian withdrew her hands as she added.  "Your hair is done, your turn to do mine.  Up you get."  Patting Maegan on the back, the red sister swapped places readily enough and Lillian was seated on Maegan's knees in turn.  Her hair was shorter, so it would be easier for Maegan to deal with as opposed to Arette's.  Lillian loved that woman dearly but she took far too much pride in her hair, especially when she was certain that it would look far better shorter.  "Grab the same oil you chose for yourself, I'll walk you through it."

 

Maegan shifted to a position that fit best for them both, Lillian sitting comfortably in her lap. The water swirled around them carrying the oils carefully around them, spreading to corners of the porcelain tub along with Maegans thoughts; barely listening to Lillian's instructions regarding hair. Carefully Maegan threaded her way through the her hair, the oil gracing each strand as she gently worked out inconceivable knots from the womans hair. Perfect. - Maegan thought subconsciously - "Such opinions, but yet have shown no purpose, or pause... or Root." Lillians hair felt wonderful in her hands, like threads of Spirit. "You have yet to share a form of your own roots in this tree you are growing."

 

"You're right."  Pausing for a moment, Lillian chuckled as she noted that Maegan managed to restrain herself from asking again.  There was no need to hide herself or her hurts from Maegan.  Even if it wasn't a matter of trust, Lillian had mastered the things that had hurt her most a long time ago.  As it was, Lillian did trust her so she felt comfortable with sharing aspects of herself, you couldn't expect trust if you didn't give it to begin with.  Maybe Maegan would know who she meant.  "Have you ever felt like you were defined to fit an expectation, rather than fulfill what you expected of yourself?  Well, of course you have.  I did too, but it wasn't without consequence.  I lost someone very dear to me because I tried to live an expectation, it was only after it was done that I realised my mistake and knew that I would not do it again, could not do it again."

 

Maegan smiled from behind, running her fingers through the woman's hair. Beeds of water dripped through her fingers and ran down her arm.. "Go on."

 

Sighing, Lillian refrained from letting her shoulders sag, that would have ruined perfectly good posture.  "When I was a Novice, my closest friend was Taei Mirel.  I became an Accepted before her, even though she was asked before me twice she refused to take the Arches.  I did my Arches just so I could show her it was safe, I encouraged her not to refuse her third test.  I was so set on the idea that the only thing in life was to become Aes Sedai and serve only the Tower that I lost sight of her and her feelings, her fears, her safety.  As a friend, I should never have forgotten that, and when the third test came she went into the Arches and..."  Lillian's lips twisted at the euphemism, how she hated it.  "... she didn't come out."

 

She pursed her lips tightly as she heard the venom in the woman's voice. She was not the only one to loose a friend to the arches. the memories were bitter sweet to her, and yet it was anouther thing that the two had in common. It was not often a Novice was lost to the ways of the Rings. And yet again, it was something that was simply accepted by the Tower as a way to weed out the weak.

 

Maegan could not help but shake her head as she shut the floods of emotions that seemed to flow far too easily this night. If only there was a way to know why the Arches had been pt in place as a way of testing those that came to the Tower. Light only knew. However it still struck her with the question, Can it change?

 

Possibly.

 

"I am sorry for your loss, Lillian. My own dear friend Leda also never returned the night of her testing. To her fate, I do not know."

 

Silent as she listened to what Maegan said and after, Lillian didn't speak straight away.  She didn't know Leda, had never even heard of her, but Lillian didn't believe that Maegan would have pushed her the same way she had pushed Taei.  Always encouraging, never presenting an alternative, thinking that she had Taei's best interests at heart when she'd had the Tower's instead.  Never even occurring to her that there was a good life to be led outside the Tower even as she had thought she knew better, she hadn't.  Not when she hadn't been able to accept any other alternative for Taei other than for her to be an Aes Sedai, to pass her test.  She wouldn't make that mistake again.

 

Letting her hair be rinsed, Lillian smiled as she let the thoughts of the arches drift from her.  They could both get ready now, clothes and hair and nails and the rest of it.  Maegan's would take a bit longer, but it would be worth getting right and then they would be right to go into town.  Not The Logical Choice, it was too quiet there, but somewhere.  Standing as they were done, Lillian slipped over the side and wrapped her towel around herself as she spoke.  "Your towel along with clothes I picked out are just over there.  Come into my room when you're ready and we'll fix things up."

[Guest Arie Ronshor]

 

Her hair clung to her skin as she rose out of the water. Nodding to Lillian Maegan smiled. "Thank you, Lillian." And then proceeded to push water off of her skin before stepping onto the dry floor and away from the tub, Maegan pulled out the drain as she left. Picking up the towel, she started to pat her hair dry as she surveyed the clothing Lillian had laid out for her.  Although not particularly bright, Maegan smiled at the womans choice in colours. The ivory blouse was dotted with beautiful bead work along the collar, reds and purples and golds, and it fitted well with the rich reddish brown skirts. It was complimented by a silk scarf that would tie around her waste, gold the dominant colour. The colours brought warmth to her skin, and with it the symbolism Maegan found highly enlightening. Unfolding and refolding her Red Shawl, Maegan placed it to the side, slipping on her spectacles as she stepped out of the Bath Room to join Lillian in the other room. 

 

 

Maegan

Moving to other board.. :)