Dashed Dreams

[Jocelyn]

How was she supposed to tell Kedyn? Worry creased Miria's brow. She had lingered in the bathroom that morning, longer than she needed, because she didn't know how to break the news to Kedyn. She was not pregnant. After days of uncertainty, she finally knew for sure that she was not pregnant. But curse the creator, she had actually grown used to the idea in the mean time. They could make it work. Their child would have a loving home, loving parents. No matter what else, their would be love.

 

But that was all gone now, cruelly dashed away by her discovery that morning. She was relieved, yes, but not so much as she was upset at how Kedyn would take the news. He had wanted the child they thought was growing in her belly, had wanted it badly. And now that hope was gone. What would he think? He told her that he loved her above all else, that it mattered not either way, but Miria knew the news would devastate him.

 

What if she could never have children? Miria had never believed in signs and omens before, but what if this was one? What if she was never to feel a child kick within her, hold it at her breast, watch it laugh and play and grow? Kedyn wanted a family. She did too, truth be told. One day. But what if that would never be? Kedyn said he would never leave her, but what if that was just words? A quiet sentiment to ease her mind, but not truly meant. It wouldn't be fair to bind him to her, when she could not give him the life he wanted, anyway. But could she bear to lose him?

 

No. No, she could not. Her life began with Kedyn, to lose him now would be like a knife to the heart. She could not do it to herself! She would hold him to her, no matter what. She would let him see just how desperately she loved him, how much she needed him. But first she had to break the news to him, and she did not relish that task.

 

Nervousness rolled in her stomach as she made her way back to the barracks, to where she knew Kedyn still was, waiting for her to return so they could break their fast together. Miria dashed the small tears away from her cheeks as she pushed open the door. Kedyn was lazing on the bed, the image of contentment. An image that near broke her heart. How could she bear to lose him?

 

He smiled at her as she entered, though it seemed to waver as he saw her tears. "I'm not pregnant." Miria blurted, hovering at the end of the bed, wringing her hands in anguish as she awaited his reaction.

 

 

Miria

[Kael]

Kedyn took in a deep breath and yawned lazily as he closed his eyes to breifly rest for the few moments that Miria was away before they went to the mess hall and their true day began. He rolled his shoulders and slumped back into the bed. He was happy again, Miria seemed happy again, and that was mainly why he was as well. Whether or not she was pregnant was still hanging above them, and Kedyn still could not completely quash his want of her to be with child, but he also desperately wanted Miria to want a baby as much as he did when they decided to.

 

Eyes snapping open, Kedyn's face brightened all over as Miria walked into their room. His smiled wavered and almost fell when he saw the unmistakble signs of tears on her cheeks and worry began to flood through him. "I'm not pregnant." Kedyn didn't react, forced himself to remain neutral with the small smile that had remained. He had steeled himself for this eventuality and had prepared himself for it. After last time he didn't want his reaction to show anything before he knew what Miria would feel after she told him.

 

Instead Kedyn got up and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her smaller frame against him, placing a kiss onto her blonde crown. "That means no more worries for us then." His tone was light and trying to help the hurt and pain he was sure Miria may be going through. But his face showed a fleeting moment of sorrow. He wasn't going to be a father, not yet at least. No...that was a good thing. He would become one when he and Miria were married, if they got married, and when they were ready to settle down.

 

"See we were worrying about nothing." Kedyn let out a light laugh that seemed almost innapropriate in the current situation, but it was something to ease the mood in the room. "So are you ok?" That was all he cared about, not what he felt but what Miria did. The love he had for her cared only for that, it would put aside whatever he may feel in order to make Miria happy and comfortable.

 

 

Kedyn

[Jocelyn]

Fresh tears spilled over Miria's cheeks as Kedyn enveloped her in his warm embrace. He had not reacted quite as she had expected, not after the excitement she had seen on his face at the thought that she may be pregnant. Yet his smile had seemed somewhat forced...he hides his pain behind a smirk and a hug.How could she have let him down like this? Kedyn had wanted a child, her child, and she had dashed that dream. It should have been enough, knowing how happy it would make him. Her own feelings were insignificant next to his joy. And now it was all gone.

"See we were worrying about nothing. So are you ok?"Miria tried to find the words to reassure him, but they would not come, so she tried a small nod. No, I am not ok!She wanted to scream. I have ruined your happiness! And along with that my own!But rather than voicing the hysterical thoughts, Miria brushed at her tears with one hand, before twining her arms about Kedyn and burying her face into his neck. She would die if she were to lose him, of a broken heart. It may be selfish, but she could not let it happen.

 

"I'm sorry." She mumbled against his skin, holding him tight, taking some comfort in the warmth of his arms. "I know how much you wanted this..." And I took the dream from you.Maybe forever, if she could never bear children. The noble thing to do would be to realise him, let him find another woman who could give him the family he craved, but any noble thoughts Miria had held were washed away that morning upon her discovery. Noble was carrying a child she was not certain she was ready for. I could have done that, but I could never let you go. Never.

 

Kedyn held her for a long while, stroking her back as Miria returned the embrace. Her heart ached, for the pain she had caused him, yet still he sought to comfort her. He was the most wondrous of men. Concerned for her while his heart broke. Was he secretly angry? Would Lavena have been happy to give him the child he wanted? Bitter, jealous thoughts. The woman is dead! Let it rest! Yet a madness seemed to have taken control of Miria's thoughts. He is mine, and no other shall have him. Miria tightened her grip on Kedyn possesively, before gently pulling away.

 

"You were right, we worried for nought. There will be other times." Miria smiled a little lopsidedly and brushed away her tears again, blushing faintly at the wet patch she had left on Kedyn's shoulder where she had cried. "You are so good to me. And I will make you happy, you will see." She would make him happy or die trying. And not let him out of her sight. She would love him, and never let him forget just how deeply and strongly she loved. "Shall we go find some breakfast? Or if you prefer I can bring something back here for you?" Anything to keep you with me...whatever the cost...

 

 

Miria

Mad and Clingy...

[Kael]

There wasn't really antyhing Kedyn could do but hold Miria against him as she cried. He didn't know what to say as she apologized, just whispered that it wasn' her fault. But he wasn't prepared to lie to Miria and say he had not wanted this, had not wanted to start a family with Miria...just not now maybe. Not with her so against the idea, he would have a happy family not one that was fragmented over what they wanted.

 

"Shall we go find some breakfast? Or if you prefer I can bring something back here for you?" Kedyn smiled and shook his head, right now he wanted neither of that. He just wanted to be with Miria, alone, for a while and he told her that. "No...I don't think either works for me, we can eat later. Come here." Kedyn led Miria to their small cot and sat down, sliding until he was stretched out and Miria was lying to next to him. Kedyn stretched out his arms and wrapped them around her, holding her close. "For now I just want to lie here with you." And he kissed her upon her brow.

 

"You already make me happy Miria, I hope you know that. Everyday I am with you makes me happier than the last. And I will only get happier every day from now on because of that fact. Because I love you." Kedyn sighed softly. Light why couldn't life be as simple as it was in the stories that everyone grew up in. In there everything ended perfectly, every ending up perfectly. You would never see this, two lovers mourning over what could have been for their different reasons. Everything would be alright in the end. Kedyn was determined to secure his happy ending.

 

Kedyn

[Jocelyn]

Miria allowed Kedyn to draw her into his embrace, enjoying the closeness, the heat of his frame ebbing into hers. It was moments like this she could pretend that there was no worries in her life, no pain in her heart. When she was in Kedyn's arms, the world was perfect. A tiny smile curved her full lips upwards. She didn't need anything else, so long as she had Kedyn. And he loved her, he wasn't going anywhere.

 

Well not yet. Her brief happiness soured along with her thoughts. Kedyn may be happy with her now, but for how long? He wanted a child, a family...and if she didn't give it to him, sooner or later he would grow discontent, surely. Unless she made his life as happy and fulfilling as possible, until such time as she fell pregnant.

 

Pregnant...Miria still didn't really know what she wanted. The image of children with Kedyn wasn't a bad one, it was just not something she had really considered before now. Well at first opportunity she would ensure Kedyn's happiness. He could never leave her if she bore his child, could he? She smiled faintly once more. And until then, she would devote herself wholly to her love, would never leave his side, lest he decide to find someone who will give him the child Miria had as yet been unable to give.

 

"I love you too." She said softly, turning slightly to press a soft kiss to Kedyn's slightly bristled cheek. "Nothing could make you as happy as you make me." She smiled up into his face, so handsome, yet creased with the worry that had plagued him the past few days. With a gentle hand she smoothed his brow, as if to brush aside his angst. "I will do all in my power to keep you happy, my sweet." Miria wrapped her arms about him. All and more, she would do. It was well worth the cost.

 

Miria