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A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

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And Sometimes, I Remember Why I Like my Mother


Raeyn

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Mother Mother: [[

//Lyrics]]

 


 

So, my mother has recently started a fairly anonymous education-themed blog. Anonymous being the key word - her school district is... well. They're a bit shady about how they cull when they have to cull, so while she wants to have an opinion, she also wants to have a job and keep helping her students. And every now and again, I remember why I used to not have so much resentment for her, why I actually liked her, why I actually considered her a role model. Not so much for her - she married to be protected *snorts*. She stuck with a diseased 'cause he had a short time to live; 24 years later, he's still alive and kicking. The two of them put so much weight on my shoulders to be an adult, to help raise my siblings - how can I do anything BUT resent them? After all, when someone goes from telling you their secrets of the day to using you as a pawn in a game of he-said she-said to trying to discipline you... doesn't really buy a lot of respect. Truth be told, most of my major life decisions were based on, "Let's do the opposite of what this crazy lady did."

 

But sometimes, a few nuggets slip out that remind me that there's so much beneath the surface, so much that is obscured by her horrifyingly huge layers of Gemini. And some of that is sneaking out in her new blog, and reminding me of it all. For instance, in one of the two posts she made last night (role models), I am reminded of my heritage, a heritage I inherited in spite of Mother continuing to refuse to deal with her crippling emotional issues (lulz family depression):

 

My grandmothers were scary-strong. They could face down poisonous snakes armed with only a hoe and did more than once as I recall. They sang loud in church and they took care of people that they didn't have to. They both dealt with HARD headed husbands for more than fifty years. They taught me that it was BAD to lie and that it was GOOD to be kind and BETTER to be kinder to difficult people because they needed it more. They were SMART and they taught me that learning was a good thing because the more I could learn, the better my life would be.

 

and

 

How could I do better? I may not be glamorous. I don't really care as that is very superficial. I may not be rich. I don't measure success by dollars. I look at the people that I see every day and I am grateful to know them and grateful to love them. I see challenges every day and I'm grateful for that because it keeps life interesting.

 

It's food for thought... and incidentally, why my family has issue with Southern so-called Christians (y'know, the ones that ignore the eye of a needle allegory and think that going to church entitles them to be a dick). What is so wrong with wanting to genuinely care for those that need it, and to stand up against those who wish to exploit and abuse for their own ego's sake? What is so wrong about wanting to be good and kind and honest and strong? I kind of get that these traits make people think that myself, or someone like me, makes a great person to try and tear down, nevermind that all people are human and fallible, and all of that.

 

Me, I'm simply doing the best to live out the legacy that was left me, to honor my ancestors and their strengths, and to continue to try to better my world. To love those who need love, and to shun those who would merely use me and the people I love to their own nasty egoistical ends. And even though it often leads me to more pain and suffering than I could possibly ever express... I'll likely keep doing it, 'cause I still give a damn about my corner of humanity. Because I want to set a good example for my child(ren), for others to follow. Because even if my name is never sung in lights, I know that I have, and will continue to make, a difference, and one that matters more than anyone who would do it for money grubbing or attention grubbing. Oh sure, appreciation and acknowledgment are very very nice and help one keep going, but not needed.

 

Which tangentially reminds me of something I mentioned to a friend yesterday - random acts of kindness. Get onto making those happen, oh all two or three of you who are reading here. It's good for you, it's good for those around you, and there's nothing wrong with spreading genuine cheer. Note the emphasis of genuine - it doesn't count if you don't mean it. ;)

 

<3

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