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A Warm Place




A Warm Place:[[



As it's an instrumental - there are no lyrics. ;)


Outside of a rather stiff elbow, I think I'm doing better today. Though, I also know that yesterday isn't some magical end of my annoyance and 'suffering', ha ha. Grieving over anything takes some time, and since this particular grief includes taking a complete overhaul evaluation of how I approach relationships//requiring me to accept the write-off of many people... it's not a kindly one.


I don't like writing people off - I give them chance after chance after chance in such a fashion that most people would probably deem me a fool. But then, maybe not - most people I know are willing to overlook anything (like theft and fraud) because 'they're nice!' or 'they throw good parties', or 'I don't want to cause drama'. Riiight, so where are you going to be when this person steals your money and breaks lease on you? Don't say I didn't warn you, hee hee! Or say, giving someone a chance time after time after time to prove that they actually give a crap about something they purport to love, and having to accept that they've been telling a bit of a porky pie and only care about #1.


But I think yesterday was one of those universally-tuned days for realizing that humanity, by and large, is crap. This is something that I don't want to have to come to terms with, because I will go full-out hermit. I love trying to make the world a better place even if it's through not-so-loved whip-cracking and trying to make people be nice to each other; it's hard, but I've generally been willing to endure the suffering that goes with it. I don't want to accept that I've probably been wasting my time, and will always be wasting my time. As I saw someone saying on Facebook yesterday:


'Sorry to say, but books have absolutely nothing to do with real life. People are, for the most part, insidious, vicious beasts that only know predation and selfishness. Why do you think America's Funniest Home Videos was so popular for so long? People love to see other people in pain or anguish, and will stop at nothing to fulfill their need to inflict that pain on others, just to see them hurt. It's almost an instinct to cause others pain for ones' own benefit.




'I just haven't had enough proof that that's the case. Good is an illusion in most cases, a defense mechanism. The fact that people step on each other's heads to keep our shoes from getting muddy is almost why we are in the evolutionary spot we are in. The lengths at which we as people go to choose profit over the welfare of others is mind boggling, and has been a major part of our culture since civilization began.


Hrm... maybe I should continue to be glad that I'm out of touch with the human race as a whole, heh. But then, I kind of summed it up to someone else yesterday:


Asking if we can all get along is tantamount to being crucified or murdered. It kind of serves to explain why people quit asking such a sweet and innocuous question.


Now, if only I could practice what I preach, and quit wasting my time and breath... :)




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*hugs* Your opinions are always valid and appreciated. Well, thus far - who knows what the future will hold? :biggrin:


And I'm kind of very Nynaeve at sucking at letting go. I often think of her finally figuring out how to surrender, and while I don't want to get THAT dramatic about it... s'kind of how I feel, hee hee. I know I need to surrender, to let go, to quite wearing so many albatrosses around my neck (even if they are blinging!), but but, but but, but but...


*shakes head*


I know that if I can ever figure out letting go, I'll be the most freaking awesome person EVAR. And I think I'm slowly getting there, but it's still oh so, oh so, oh so very hard. :)

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