So...I am now in a relationship with one of my best friends. Her name is Annie, and it's been coming for a long time now. I've spoken about her before, and I've always been torn about just what to do about well, her. It was because of her that I realised that I'm bisexual, and I know I rarely make good decisions when my own emotions are involved, so having her be that one girl has made it even harder over the last couple of years to decide how exactly I feel about her.
Well, last night, we were both waitressing/chillaxing (not really drinking-all of her drinks got stolen) at one of our friend's 18ths, and it was cold, and we ended up sharing a chair, and we've always been cuddly and touchy feely, so much so that people have consistently had to ask whether we're together or not. We've always given an uncertain, no, we're not. One of our not quite friends, who was fairly drunk, accused our other friend of third wheeling and just asked us whether we were a 'thing', or a 'sometimes thing' or a 'whenever thing'. We started shrugging and whatnot all over again, but then Annie admitted that she wouldn't mind us being a thing. I agreed and we just sort of...decided. It's possibly the weirdest get together I've ever heard of, but it sort of just fits. We've basically been in a relationship without calling it that for the last few years, particularly this last year. So...this is just that extra nudge over the line I guess.
It's so liberating! I've never been able to tell whether she felt the same as me or whether she was just going along with it, or joking or what was going on, so it's fantastic that we both know now, and we don't have to worry about anything anymore, no-one has to awkwardly not be able to tell whether we're together or not and yayy, the more I think about it, the happier I am that it's finally come around. I was very worried that I'd wake up this morning and be horrified, but I'm not. I'm really not. Granted, she has the flipside of her personality which isn't quite so fun, but I feel a lot of that was probably due to the weirdness between us, so now that we know what's going on, hopefully that'll all clear up. And besides, even if it doesn't, I've always been the best equipped to deal with her darker side, and now that's my darker side. And the light side too. I'm allowed to get all possessive now. :p
Now is the unfortunate issue of coming out. My mum knows, the rest of my family is clueless and all my friends either know or seriously suspect. The issue is that I don't want to have to keep it all secret. I don't want to feel guilty about having to hide our relationship from people. I don't know how comfortable she is with the whole being out thing, I didn't want to ask last night, I didn't want to have a proper discussion while we were just happy being happy. Neither of us mind friends knowing, it's family that worries me, cause I've got a big one and I don't know how they'll all react.
But to be honest, I don't want to think about any of that now. For the moment, I'm still shocked it actually finally just...happened. I can't believe it! I've been thinking about it and pondering and worrying and guilting out over it for so long, it feels like I'm dreaming now that it's actually finally happened. But I'm so very, very glad that it has. :)
Maybe time will make me regret it, but for the moment, I don’t want to think about the future, and in the present, I'm a very happy person.