My first ever blog.

I've never been much good at diary entries, I've only ever been able to scribble down the occasional philosophical ramble after a particularly significant life event, and rather unfortunately and quite by chance, those ramblings often show off my darker side, the pessimistic side of me determined to drag my optimism into a deep pit, duct tape it to a tree and beat it with a stick. See? There I go again, starting off perfectly eloquently and ending in a slightly less pleasing manner...

Anyway, the point here is, I've always found that writing down whatever I'm thinking or feeling helps in a way nothing else can when everything gets a bit full on, when life gets so busy you barely know when you're supposed to eat and your mind gets so confused that you wouldn't know your daily schedule if it hit you on the head, and I've always been much better at storytelling than I have at confronting myself through writing, so I figure a blog is a way for me to keep track of myself, more than anything else, and having the chance that someone else might read it, not that I think anyone will, ensures that I continue to write, which would be the whole point of the thing...

So, how to start. So many topics are whirling around my head right now, most of them latent worries and rages from previous times, over current problems and potential future ones, but for the moment, most things are on hold because I'm on holiday. Holidays are without doubt the most amazing time of the year, the time to do what you want, to create your own routine, your own times, your own fun. You can do projects in the holidays, you can sleep, you can lose that weight, write that book, anything you want, you can sit there and do absolutely nothing and it wouldn't be an issue except for when you need to eat or pee. Well, that's the ideal holiday, anyway, there are always people to deal with, tempers and fights and obligations, but on holiday, people seem more tolerable, the things that would usually set you off are just mild annoyances because you're just so relaxed...you just want peace...that might be because I just got back from a hippy festival, but I'm not going to try and say peace is a bad thing, so it really doesn't matter where it comes from.

And then on holidays you have the time to see the people you do want to talk to and have fun with, at the same time avoiding those that you'll not be enjoying spending the rest of the year with, which is always a plus.

But then, there's always that push to keep going, keep moving, go forward, be pro-active. For me, school more than adequately fills that desire. I'm a musician, I have rehearsals every morning and every afternoon that I don't teach cello to small children or have my own cello lesson. I work hard to pass cello exams (that really don't mean anything) and fight to avoid playing in competitions because I believe they go against the point of music. Also, this year will be my last year of school, grade twelve, everything important that I will/might need for my future is dependent on this year. And I'm a music captain, so that'll be a lot of extra work. Point is, school and assorted extras keep me more than busy, and this year is looking to be my busiest. I just hope that these holidays, this time of doing nothing, will be enough to recharge me for what's to follow...

Ok. Sleep now. More ramblings to come. Soon. Ish.

~BB~