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A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY
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I can't believe it's been eight years


Masema

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You know how sometimes you look back on events in your life and it seems like it happened yesterday, or a lifetime ago. I guess it kind of feels like both right now. I don't know. If you don't want to read this then I'm not forcing you to, but it's something that I have to get off of my chest. It is a bit of a morbid subject. October 2004, I can't believe it's been that long. Today eight years ago my best friend Matthew started on a path. He decided his time living a lie was over and he came out of the closet as being gay. He said he was doing it as part of national coming out day, which I actually just found out is today, so I'm pretty sure it was the same day. His parents had the most horrible reaction that I could imagine. They didn't accept him and told him that he was a demon who had stolen their child away. I tried to help him, but now I wonder if there is anything I could have done differently. I still remember to this day when he was sitting at our kitchen table crying because his parents hated him and a lot of kids in school were basically torturing the kid between calling him names, shoving him up against a locker. So we took him in. I should have done something for him, I should have fought for him. If I had known then what I know now. I've always been a pacifist, I've never been one to resort to violence if I can see a way to peacefully defuse a situation. You know, as human beings sometime we try to empathize with people, put ourselves in their shoes. We try to imagine what someone is going through, we see it, but we can never truly understand it, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we can. Well I tried, and obviously I had no idea. If I had known what he was feeling inside and what he was really going through I would have gone to hell and back and I would have torn down the the sky and ripped up the foundations of the earth to protect that kid. Being best friends for 14 years kind of does that thing to you.

Last Halloween he had had enough. His parents just couldn't leave well enough alone, they were harassing him and he hadn't been to school in a few days. So we came back from the haunted houses (Matthew said he wanted to be alone, so he stayed at the house) and that's when we found him. He hung himself on a support beam in his room. Didn't leave a note or anything. I don't know how I'm holding back the tears right now. Sorry, I'm a mess. It's just, sometimes the pain becomes too much. I still blame myself and I know I shouldn't. But I just can't help thinking that if I had done something differently then maybe he would still be alive today. I have no idea why I'm writing this. I don't even think anyone is going to read it and I don't care if they do. But I guess that if you are reading this then the purpose of it is this; If someone close to you comes out to you on this day, or any day in the future, put aside your feelings or your religious beliefs, and be there for them. Because if you don't, then you might lose them forever.

 

~Masema

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im sorry to hear abuot your friend masema. i dont know if the wounds you get from a friend killing himself ever heal - the only friend I had growing up, besides my siblings, killd himself when i was 16 and he was 15 - I knew he was bein abused a lot physiclly in his home but i also suspect sexually too. I say i dont know if the sadness evre will be any less because I have similar feelings to you - I feel liek I could have done somthing, anything, to stop it, and thogh I know I shuold not blame myself, the guilt is there anywys, and after all this time i still cant stop feeling such a way. I have little in the way to offer with comfort then, but you have my wishes that you can heal someday - not to forget him but to better cope with the thuoght of the tragedy - and i hope that boy's parents have something nasty coming to them someday. The only demons in taht situation was them, to hate their own child over somethin like that.

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It is absolutely disgusting that your friend was made to feel that way over coming out as gay. I cannot believe that people are so cruel.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Sorry for your loss, man

It tore at my soul just reading your story.

 

And you did fight for him; you took him in, didn't you?

Sometimes the good deeds in the world just don't outweigh the evil out there.

You can't make up for parent's doing this.

 

Thanks for your clear message.

I will take it to heart, so know.. that by just posting this, you tilted the balance the right way just a tad more, again.

 

*sends some strenght your way*

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I'm so sorry for you and your family hon, and your poor friend. My uncle commited suicide when I was a toddler, he was gay and didn't feel like he could come out (it was the late eighties, in the most conservative part of our country). I know your pain, because I have seen it in my dad and his other siblings. You did eveything you could; you did much more that most people would have done. Try not to be sad and dwell on the bad parts, but do as you do now: Honour his memory be spreading tolerance and openness.

 

*hugs tight* I'm always here if you need someone to talk to dear.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. You are not responsible for his suicide. I feel so badly that he was mistreated because of who he was.

 

I want you to know that not all religions are like this. My youngest son, Matthew, had his Bar Mitzvah two years ago. The Rabbi who officiated is our friend and he is openly gay.

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