...even if you can't see it.
You've all heart this "sermon" from me before, but I feel the need to give it again.
This has been my motto since I was pretty young. Unfortunately I haven't always believed it.
I've talked to a lot of you here on dm. A lot of you have been through situations similar to mine, or are as depressed as I used to be.
I'm speaking to the latter right now: those who are crippled by pain and hopelessness and are about ready to give up... Or maybe already ready to give up.....
I'm not going to claim to know exactly what you're going through. Every life is different, and we are all in different places.
Here's what I do know:
I know what it's like to be ridiculed by the world.
I know what it's like to have no one stand up for me.
I know what it's like to feel completely alone.
I know what it's like to hear whispers, and know that they are laughing at me.
I know what it's like to betrayed by the person I trusted most.
I know what it's like to have that happen multiple times.
I know what it's like to be ignored by the people who should've been protecting me.
I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep every night.
I know what it's like to feel as if I must take care of everyone, and make the lives of everyone around me better.
I know what it's like to feel like a failure when they're not happy.
I know what it's like to completely devote my life to someone, and then have them leave.
I know what it's like to be manipulated and used.
I know what it's like to have my heart hacked into pieces and trampled upon and my soul rendered to a pulp
I know what it's like to have everything I had to give ripped away.
I know what it's like to feel so low and so worthless that there's no way that anyone could possibly really care about me.
I know what it's like to truly and deeply despise myself.
I know what it's like to feel like all I do is screw up, that everything I do just makes everything worse.
I know what it's like to be in so much pain internally that it leads to blood trickling down my arm...
I know what it's like to think... that the only good thing I can do for the world... is leave it.
And I know what it's like to try to do the world that favor.
Obviously, I didn't succeed. Now, going on a year of the time I started to recover, here is what I know now.
I know that there was something inside me that refused to give up.
I know that a similar something is inside of you.
I know that the sun really was still shining.
I know that if another cloud shall come, the sun will come out eventually.
I know that I grew so much from the pain.
I know that I can help others now because I went through it.
I know that I am strong enough to survive through that.
I know that I am a good person.
I know that I have a lot I can give to the world.
I know that people care, even if they don't always act like it.
I know that there is more to the world than just one person.
I know that there are people who look up to me.
I know that there are people who want to protect me.
I know that there is happiness in the world for me.
I know that I've found it.
I know that I am forgiven.
I know that I am loved.
I know that I am strong.
I know that I am precious.
I know that I am beautiful.
I know that my life means something.
And I know that I'm crying right now because I'm so thankful, and so filled with joy... So happy that my life didn't end a year ago.
I know I'm happy to be alive.
So take it from someone who knows--it does get better.
I am always here if anyone needs to talk.
I love you all. Really.