It's curious the turns life takes sometimes. A year ago, we were just getting back together I think. A little over a year ago is when the darkness began.

Now here I am, trying to rebuild.

Tristan defriended me on Facebook recently. I just noticed a few minutes ago. And in spite of all I've done to get over him and move on, that still stung. I knew it was probably coming, knew he wanted nothing to do with me now, but some part of me still hoped that some part of him still was holding on.

I'm better off without him in my life, I know, but... It's still just hard to let him go.

And it should be. He was a part of my life for the better part of 6 years, a huge part of my life for over 4 years of that time. If I could let him go easily, then what would that say about all of that time?

Even so, now it's time to let go.

*Sigh* I'm going to have to see him one more time, just to give him some of his stuff back and get some of my stuff back. I still have another month before I'll probably do that though.

I will be strong during this encounter. And not to prove to him that I don't need him. Not even to prove to me that I don't need him. Just to be better.

He's defriended me. I'm not going to break down and cry. I'm not going to get angry and enraged. I'm not going to spend hours thinking about him and us and all we went through and going (once again) what went wrong. And, I'm being perfectly honest when I'm saying this, I only had the urge to do so for a minute. Then, I just prayed a little, asked for peace, and started writing this.

It's ok. I'm ok. I have a future ahead.

There are times when something can be reforged. A person can be. Some relationships can be. Other times though, there's no fixing it. And, like Perrin said in ToM (and I'd get this straight out of the book but unfortunately I don't have it with me at the moment), to make something new, you have to clear away the rubble of the old.

I have to let go of Tristan completely to move on.

The 4th line of this song doesn't fit, but all of the rest does. Well... Except for the crying part. I'm not crying. Quite the opposite.

I have the whole world in front of me.

I am forgiven, I am loved, I am pure, I am strong, I am beautiful.

And when I look at the future now, I don't see the dark painful string of days that I saw earlier this year. I see a bright shining light.

I have hope again. I don't need him. All but a little piece of me doesn't even want him.

I am reforged.

I have my wings back. Time to fly :)