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It Starts with Goodbye

Aiel Heart



It's curious the turns life takes sometimes. A year ago, we were just getting back together I think. A little over a year ago is when the darkness began.


Now here I am, trying to rebuild.


Tristan defriended me on Facebook recently. I just noticed a few minutes ago. And in spite of all I've done to get over him and move on, that still stung. I knew it was probably coming, knew he wanted nothing to do with me now, but some part of me still hoped that some part of him still was holding on.


I'm better off without him in my life, I know, but... It's still just hard to let him go.


And it should be. He was a part of my life for the better part of 6 years, a huge part of my life for over 4 years of that time. If I could let him go easily, then what would that say about all of that time?


Even so, now it's time to let go.


*Sigh* I'm going to have to see him one more time, just to give him some of his stuff back and get some of my stuff back. I still have another month before I'll probably do that though.


I will be strong during this encounter. And not to prove to him that I don't need him. Not even to prove to me that I don't need him. Just to be better.


He's defriended me. I'm not going to break down and cry. I'm not going to get angry and enraged. I'm not going to spend hours thinking about him and us and all we went through and going (once again) what went wrong. And, I'm being perfectly honest when I'm saying this, I only had the urge to do so for a minute. Then, I just prayed a little, asked for peace, and started writing this.


It's ok. I'm ok. I have a future ahead.


There are times when something can be reforged. A person can be. Some relationships can be. Other times though, there's no fixing it. And, like Perrin said in ToM (and I'd get this straight out of the book but unfortunately I don't have it with me at the moment), to make something new, you have to clear away the rubble of the old.


I have to let go of Tristan completely to move on.


The 4th line of this song doesn't fit, but all of the rest does. Well... Except for the crying part. I'm not crying. Quite the opposite.


I have the whole world in front of me.


I am forgiven, I am loved, I am pure, I am strong, I am beautiful.


And when I look at the future now, I don't see the dark painful string of days that I saw earlier this year. I see a bright shining light.


I have hope again. I don't need him. All but a little piece of me doesn't even want him.


I am reforged.


I have my wings back. Time to fly :)



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See I don't think I could ever do this properly. The depth of the intimate knowledge you express to total strangers is beyond me.....



You know what I've heard helps with problems like this?


*pulls out a zip-locked bag of brownies*


Tainted of course

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I spent too long locking it up inside. Besides, as previously stated, I have this odd trust of you guys :)P


And plus, I've found that sharing my story does help others at time. Why lock it up when it can make a difference in someone else's life?


Thanks for the Tainted Brownies Firepants :D they make everything better

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Life happens. You make relationships, you break relationships. Moving on is hard. But if you don't move on, you'll never see the benefits of that relationship. How it's changed you. How it's strengthened you. How it helps you to move forward. We will always have memories.

You have us.


And here I am, giving sage advice to someone quite a bit older than me. I mean every word, though.

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*Hugs cindy back* Thank you.


Mawth, wisdom is based on experiences not years. I know that already, but thank you anyway. And you know I'm not a great deal older than you are!!! :P


I'm good guys :) He's gone and I'm better off, and like I said, there's a future ahead :D

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