Many would look at my life and see the bad: getting bullied, getting somewhat ignored by my parents a lot of the time, the fights at home and with Tristan, the heartbreak, the depression and incident with the scissors, getting kicked out of the house, having to take care of my friends far more than they took care of me, but the thing is, most of the time, I don't see that.
The bullying made me stronger, as well as a little more of an internal person. It was escaping into books during childhood that fueled my love of them. Each and every one of those things made me stronger. Plus, when I'm taking care of other people and not focusing on me, I'm much happier. Because I'm doing my job. I'm doing something good in the world when I'm helping my friends. I'm going to be a special ed. teacher; helping others is what makes me happy.
I noticed something when walking around campus last week. The wind was blowing. It was cool, and it felt so refreshing, and it danced through the trees and flowers and seemed to blow through my soul too. It's really hard to explain it but... That wind just made me insanely happy (and also reminded me of the beginning of a certain book series... ;P )
Speaking of that book series that has been one of my primary escapes the last few years, it led me to something else that has also become a happy place for me. You. Here. This place filled with weirdos like me. I have friends that live all over the world now! Look at how many people not only read my last blog, but commented on it :) You guys make me feel special. It's a good feeling.
I've been through a lot of things but... I eat every day. I'm going to a good school. My parents aren't perfect but I know they love me. My siblings annoy me a lot but they're parts of me, that understand me better than most of the rest of the world does. I have a bed to sleep in at night and I'm healthy.
But more than all of that, I'm alive.
Having almost been t-boned at high speeds twice, and through those dark periods of my life, the fact that I'm alive is a miracle in itself. Maybe I didn't live through flying 6 miles in a tornado or something, but it's still a miracle nonetheless.
I'm alive to live today. I'm alive to try to make tomorrow better. I'm living, breathing in the scents of the flowers, gazing at the stars at night.