SEASON 2, EPISODE 4 - "GARDEN OF BONES"

• Harrenhal is on the map!
• And Qarth! (without any superfluous U's)
  

• Thunder! Rain! Horses! And Lannister soldiers, chattering about who are the best fighters in the realm...
• "Loras Tyrell... how good could he be? He's been stabbing Renly Baratheon for years, and Renly ain't dead!" >.>
• Horses are nervous... maybe that means something? Hmmmmmm?
• Tension..... mounting......
• Hahaha, he passed gas, it's hilaaaaaaaarious OH CRAP IT'S A GIANT WOLF ABOUT TO EAT YOUR FACE
• ROBB!
• THE KING IN THE NORTH!
  

• Mmm, corpses!
• Roose Bolton, are you suggesting feeding the corpses to the prisoners? >.> OK probably not.
• "In my family we say 'a naked man has few secrets... a flayed man none.'" Your family, sir, are a bunch of psychopaths. Just sayin'.
• "My father outlawed flaying in the North." "We're not in the North." >.> SO IT'S OKAY THEN?
• Aaaaaand it's Talisa. *little sigh about show changes*
• I'd rather be dead of gangrene than live a cripple! *thumbs up*
• Robb getting into an argument about the ethics of war... and is clearly impressed with the pretty medic.
• The choice to replace Jeyne Westerling with Talisa Maegyr of Volantis is one of those things that I can kind of understand from a show perspective, although it's another reason I will always prefer the books. Making Robb's love interest a foreign woman he meets on the battlefield caring impartially for injured soldiers removes the extra layer of intrigue associated with having her be the member of a Westerosi family sworn to the Lannisters, so it's simpler and takes less time. It also gives the show version less depth and feels dumbed down, so there's that.
  

• All these people standing around in the throne room watching Joffrey point a crossbow at Sansa... I mean, I get that he's the king and it's extremely dangerous to cross him, but you'd hope that they'd at least be upset by what's happening here.
• "My mother insists on keeping you alive." And if that's the only reason why he's not willing to murder her in open court, I guess everyone in that room should be terrified for the future.
• How is stripping Sansa naked and beating her up in front of the royal court going to send Robb a message, exactly?
• SAVED BY THE TYRION
• "The King can do as he likes!" "The Mad King did what he liked. Has your uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?" Point to Tyrion!
• "Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. THAT was a threat. See the difference?" ILU TYRION. WHY ARE YOU SO FULL OF AWESOME?
• Tyrion is kind to you, Sansa. #shippingit
• Yeah. We totally believe that Joffrey is your one true love. Totally.
• Bronn and Tyrion talking about whether getting Joffrey laid will make him less of a jerk... yeah, no.
  

• Joffrey looking like he doesn't have any idea what to do with these two prostitutes in his bedroom...
• And then we get to see how his sick little mind works.
• Sadism and voyeurism, check.
• Roz is all "sorry about this, hon, but he's going to kill us both if I don't do what he wants...."
• Yeah, ladies, he is not afraid use that crossbow.
  

• That's an... interesting sound effect based segue, with the smacking sound of whatever disturbing thing Roz was doing with that antlered cudgel leading into the whinny of a horse.
• Heyyyyyyy, it's Littlefinger. Creepin'. Like you do.
• "I don't like you, Lord Baelish. I don't like your face. I don't like the words that come oozing out of your mouth. I don't want you in my tent one moment more than necessary." Don't be afraid to tell us how you really feel, Renly.
• Ya know, this little conversation with Renly was not at all part of the plan. But Littlefinger will take any opportunity to do what's best for Littlefinger, so there's that.
• Slimy Littlefinger throwing little slimy insinuations about Margaery and Renly's marriage. Not that he's wrong...
• Margaery's all "Yo, single guy who knows nothing about married life. Keep your nose out of my business."
  

• Dothraki on a horse! Not his horse, even!
• Who's this guy supposed to be again? Kovarro? Guess since Rakharo left there's just nobody memorable in Dany's khalasar.
• Heeeeey, let's go to Qarth! They totally want you there!
• The desert around their walls is called "the Garden of Bones"... Sounds totally welcoming to me
  

• Harrenhal! It's biiiiiiiiig! And melted stone towers! Good job, show!
• "What's that smell?" "Dead people." Arya so matter of fact. I love her.
• Such a lovely ruin. >.>
• Aaaaaaaand torturing prisoners. This is going to be FUN!
• A rainy night in an open, muddy cell.... and Arya can't sleep so she decides to "pray".
• Joffrey. Cersei. Ilyn Payne. The Hound.
  

• "You may have heard false reports." Ha! Nice try.
• Dude. You just betrayed her husband and got him killed. She's just told you she knows about your part in it. She's clearly angry with you and grieving. Why on earth do you think it's a good idea to bring up "I love you maybe it's fate" right now? You're better than this!
• Yeahhhh, she pulled knife on you. Time to back. away. slowly.
• Mehhhh he's pushing your buttons, Cat. He doesn't have Arya.
• *sigh* Yeah, Tyrion actually would offer this in good faith - except that he wouldn't be able to produce Arya along with Sansa... and by the time Jaime gets back to King's Landing, it's no longer Tyrion you're bargaining with.
• Catelyn realizing Littlefinger has brought her Ned's remains....
• Dude. Read the body language. Just stop talking.
  

• Wake up, Arya!
• Oh look, it's the RecastMountain! It's like "this season we need a super tall guy who can actually act instead of just looking fierce cutting the head off a horse... better find a new actor!"
• LOL @ the moment where Hot Pie realizes that staring directly at the Mountain while he's picking a torture victim didn't actually work for that other guy this time.
• The Mysterious Brotherhood...
• Oh now that's gotta be uncomfortable.
• "That's better. You've been very helpful." And we have no intention of stopping.
  

• Another rainy night in the Harrenhal accomodations... and Arya's praying again.
• Joffrey. Cersei. Ilyn Payne. The Hound.
• Convenient interruption to insert a prisoner using Polliver's name for no reason whatsoever ... then Arya resumes her death list.
• Polliver. The Mountain.
  

• Ooh, looky, a parley!
• Stannis, Melisandre and Davos facing off with Renly, Loras and Catelyn.
• Renly jabbing at Stannis' sudden interest in religion... *snerk*
• "You should kneel before your brother. He is the Lord's chosen, born amidst salt and smoke." "Born amidst salt and smoke? Is he a ham?"
• You know, I really do miss the little book detail about Renly offering Stannis a peach, and how it haunts Stannis later on. It's just a tiny thing, but that's one that would have made me happy for them to include.
• "If you were sons of mine, I would knock your heads together and lock you into a bedchamber until you remembered you were brothers." *snerk* Of course, when one of your sons has a shadowbinder for a girlfriend and she's about to give birth to a shadow demon to murder the other, this may not work as well as you'd hope.
• Stannis has a good point that Ned supported his claim. NED would have wanted Cat and Robb to throw in with Stannis, to be sure... but then, Ned's rigid adherence to honor got him murdered, so there's that.
• "The Iron Throne is mine by right. All those that deny that are my foes." "The whole realm denies it, from Dorne to the Wall. Old men deny it with their death rattle and unborn children deny it in their mother's wombs. No one wants you for their king." Now that would be a good place for a *mic drop*
• Whelp. Just so you know, Renly... That's no empty threat.
  

• And heeeeeeere we are at Qarth!
• "If you heard a Dothraki horde was approaching your city, you might do the same, Khaleesi." *Dany looks around at her group of stragglers* "Horde?"
• I just had to snerk when Dany starts her official "i'mma introduce myself with all my titles and make you realize how important I am" and she gets interrupted by the smarmy Qartheen guy from the Spicers Guild.
• "My name is quite long and quite impossible for foreigners to pronounce." Yeah. Probably a good move. >.<
• Dany mispronouncing "QUARTH" makes zero sense. She JUST heard it said. She's ONLY heard it said. It's not like she's reading it off a script and she isn't sure of how the Q sound works.
• Yeah no, not gonna pull out my baby dragons on command. Let me in first.
• jerk jerk jerk jerk jerk
• Nope, Daenerys is not gonna be careful. FIRE AND BLOOD BABY
• Heyyyyyy, it is Xaro Xhoan Daxos - which we know because Smarmy Spicer Dude just called you by your full name for NO REASON AT ALL.
• Also, the Television Without Pity forums immediately dubbed him "Ducksauce".
• Ducksauce being all "Nah, dude. I have plans. Let her in."
• You invoke what? >.>
  

• Prisoners waiting around for their daily torture session...
• OH CRAP, THEY PICKED GENDRY
• "Is there gold in the village?" What village? How do you expect him to know?
• Iiiiiiiit's the rat in the bucket and not good not good not OH CRAP it's TYWIN. Um. Still not good.
• Well, at least he saved Gendry's life.
• Arya trying to steal her sword back
• And Tywin Lannister is the ONLY one who can recognize that Arya is a girl.
• I completely get behind the show reasons to simplify this storyline - not that I think the book version is unnecessarily complex, it just doesn't bother me as much that they streamlined the Arya Riverlands Chaos and the Harrenhal transfers of power. Plus we get Arya and Tywin scenes, which are actually pretty awesome.
  

• Lancel knocking on Tyrion's door at oh-dark-30...
• What time is the Hour of the Wolf supposed to be, anyway?
• I love that Tyrion manages to blackmail Lancel based on figuring out that Cersei's sleeping with him *hi5*
• "mmm, lavender oil..." "I am a knight!" "An anointed knight, yes..." *snerk*
• Did you ever think of what King Joffrey will do when he finds out? How about what Jaime will do when HE finds out, eh?
• "It's not my fault!" "Did she take you against your will?" ROFL
• Heheheheheheh.... now you're trapped, Lancel. *nodnod*
• Lancel's all "after all that, you're just going to release Pycelle? REALLY?"
• "I could swear that I had not harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not strictly speaking be true." *snerk*
  

• Creepy stag head!
• Oh wait, it's the prow of a ship. OK.
• Davos! and Stannis! And backstory!
• Plus, pedantic Stannis is hilarious. "Fewer."
• "You were a hero and a smuggler." Davos is Han Solo. *nodnod*
• Again, understandable plot simplification, combining Davos smuggling Melisandre into Storm's End to birth a shadow baby with the shadow assassin killing Renly. It's streamlined, it gets the point across, and it doesn't really bug me.
• "If half an onion is black with rot, it's a rotten onion." Melisandre prefers wasting edible food, apparently.
• "A man is good or he is evil." Except that your author delights in shades of gray. -_-
• "You want to see me naked. And you will." Well that wasn't what he was expecting to happen tonight.
• Oh hey, WHERE DID THAT BABY BUMP COME FROM ALL OF A SUDDEN?
• And now you're in labor? WHAAAAAAAAT?
• Davos is all "don't you even ask me to help deliver that baby... thing....."
• eeeeeeeeeeeeeeYIKES that is creeptastic!
• Well THAT can't be good.
  

Source: The Great Game of Thrones Rewatch of 2017