Firstly, it's cooooooooold *nodnods* When we woke up an hour ago, it was 10F (-12C) outside - brr! It's 'warmed' up to 15F/-9C - how nice. Apparently though, the road grit/salt doesn't really work past -5, so here's hoping we can get THAT far up the mercury so that my husband can run the few errands that need doing this week before it gets dark in... oh... 6-7 hours.
Also yay? I have another mentee to go with Song - hola, Aine. I do so love having mentees to glee at, even if I am not nearly as gleeful about here as I used to be. Still, doesn't mean I should scar the fresh faces coming in - they'll make of this place what they want to make of it, and it would be incredibly inappropriate of me to try to influence their opinion one way or the other. That's why I find Ajahs recruiting disgusting - if you're not selling your home on its merits, you're not impressing me with a song and dance routine to try and trick people in. I think there's been ample evidence now that while it works on getting people in... doesn't work to keep them in. And really, who cares about being the biggest? Care about making a wonderful place that people like to visit first, and if an increase in members and visitors is a side-effect... well, that's just a pleasant bonus. ;)
Anyways, on to the subject at hand - resentment. I was musing more on the diagnostic situation I'm in, 'cause as I said early on - I'm like to fixate. And so, of course, I keep thinking about the what ifs and the might bes, and resentment jumped right to the top of the list last night. I have to wonder that if when I'm diagnosed with whatever, and treated for whatever, if after the initial relief at being normalized... I suspect I'd be likely to get resentful of my parents. Sure, I appreciate all the hardship and blah blah blah that has gone to shape me into this adorable (ha!) form, but I also can accept now that I'm incredibly dysfunctional - it's a miracle I get by at all. If diagnosis/treatment makes me more functional, am I going to be pissed off that I've thusfar been robbed of a good 15+ years of functionality? Oh, you betcha - that's kind of a natural response in the scheme of things. I'm still aghast at mom's 'logic' behind never getting me diagnosed with anything (And I quote - 'Your brother was worse.' The fuck, lady, the fuck...)... so we'll see. I really should go think about other things, ha.
And for now, I'm going to go do other things, like make silly faces at my rampaging child. ;)