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DRAGONMOUNT

A WHEEL OF TIME COMMUNITY

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Resentment?


Raeyn

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Firstly, it's cooooooooold *nodnods* When we woke up an hour ago, it was 10F (-12C) outside - brr! It's 'warmed' up to 15F/-9C - how nice. Apparently though, the road grit/salt doesn't really work past -5, so here's hoping we can get THAT far up the mercury so that my husband can run the few errands that need doing this week before it gets dark in... oh... 6-7 hours.

 

Yay England!

 

Also yay? I have another mentee to go with Song - hola, Aine. I do so love having mentees to glee at, even if I am not nearly as gleeful about here as I used to be. Still, doesn't mean I should scar the fresh faces coming in - they'll make of this place what they want to make of it, and it would be incredibly inappropriate of me to try to influence their opinion one way or the other. That's why I find Ajahs recruiting disgusting - if you're not selling your home on its merits, you're not impressing me with a song and dance routine to try and trick people in. I think there's been ample evidence now that while it works on getting people in... doesn't work to keep them in. And really, who cares about being the biggest? Care about making a wonderful place that people like to visit first, and if an increase in members and visitors is a side-effect... well, that's just a pleasant bonus. ;)

 

Anyways, on to the subject at hand - resentment. I was musing more on the diagnostic situation I'm in, 'cause as I said early on - I'm like to fixate. And so, of course, I keep thinking about the what ifs and the might bes, and resentment jumped right to the top of the list last night. I have to wonder that if when I'm diagnosed with whatever, and treated for whatever, if after the initial relief at being normalized... I suspect I'd be likely to get resentful of my parents. Sure, I appreciate all the hardship and blah blah blah that has gone to shape me into this adorable (ha!) form, but I also can accept now that I'm incredibly dysfunctional - it's a miracle I get by at all. If diagnosis/treatment makes me more functional, am I going to be pissed off that I've thusfar been robbed of a good 15+ years of functionality? Oh, you betcha - that's kind of a natural response in the scheme of things. I'm still aghast at mom's 'logic' behind never getting me diagnosed with anything (And I quote - 'Your brother was worse.' The fuck, lady, the fuck...)... so we'll see. I really should go think about other things, ha.

 

And for now, I'm going to go do other things, like make silly faces at my rampaging child. ;)

 

<3

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Oh Rae.

 

First, congrats on yet another mentee! I only get one at a time and they are always raised and well into being Aes Sedai before I get another one. LOL The Ajah recruiting has pretty much stopped at least where I hang out. *laughs* Thank the gods for that no?

 

Second, Oh Rae resentment is normal. Did you ever think of going to see a counselor? I wish I could, they don't work super well for me. It might help you out though. *nods* On your mother well yeah that is a pretty wacked out way to look at things. I think people are always just trying to do the best they can do. Sure she is messed up but maybe its just the best she can do. You can set your own set of boundaries and go from there. That was almost patronizing. I'm sorry,I still <3 you and will of course be around if you want to vent what have you. ;)

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Nah hon, last time I went to a shrink, I outshrinked him in about 2 sessions. He was a good guy and tried to assist in making a connection by any means possible... but I don't respond too well to it either. 'Sides, sitting and sobbing like a ninny over things I already know seems way too 'Oh, poor baby!' for my tastes besides. *winks*

 

And I know that your intention wasn't to be patronizing, so I'm not too bothered. My dungeon master, on the other hand... normie little bastid doesn't seem to understand that his little cookie-nuggets of praise are face-punching condescending.. sigh. 'Cause even if I try to politely and fully explain things to him, he seems to think that if he says it slowly and loudly (or the text equivalent of), it'll suddenly NOT be offensive, insulting, and that I'll magically make perfect sense of it all and overcome my own neurosis. Mmm, might have to opt for that face-punching after all...

 

;)

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lol. My Mom has always thought that there's something wrong with me. Come to think of it, so has my Dad. Neither of them have room to speak. Momism that applies to this situation? "Parents screw their kids up, and the kids come up with new and exciting ways to screw up their own kids."

 

Long of the short of the reply is this: Kids are always going to find something to be resentful of their parents about. Sometimes it's legitimate, sometimes it isn't.

 

Also, you couldn't pay me enough to go to a shrink. Feel like a friggin' bug in a jar whenever I'm in a room with one.

 

And yes, face-punching is always an option, but only if you can transport your fist through the internet and into the face of the offending DM.

 

Sorry if the reply seems somewhat disjointed. I'm...a little hyper/out of whack today.

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Hah, that's fine. :) We all have scatterbrained days. <3

 

And I am pretty confident that even shrinks would say I've earned my resentment - their idea of 'useful' and 'helpful' things included threatening me with military school and asylums. When queried about the supposed wisdom of this highly inappropriate threats, she could only comment, "You were stubborn." Riiight... so telling me to sit in a corner until I want to talk about how I'm feeling - when I'm TWELVE - and then adding on threats of incarceration? Good job, bitch, good job. But as commented in previous entries? Bringing any of this up is 'mean', which is... troublesome? I seriously just want to understand the underlying logic; I guess I'm demanding a proper explanation. Meh... someday, perhaps, I'll figure out letting go, and it won't bother me so much.

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