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Почти Время...




2 hours and 12 minutes.


2 hours and 12 minutes until my appointment at the Health Village. I can feel the bile rising in my stomach as the seconds draw nearer.


2 hours and 11 minutes.


It's not too bad yet, and perhaps it won't be as bad as it used to be. Pre-baby, I was guaranteed to vomit. But pre-baby, I also was constantly nauseous; I couldn't eat breakfast for my stomach being so full of acid, of bile, of sick...


2 hours and 10 minutes.


But still, what if they dismiss me? What if they're not so swooft as to catch all the raging that goes on behind my eyes? I tend to keep the worst of the emotion shoved back as I can and may... obviously, I'm not THE best when it comes to socializing, but when it comes to doctors?


2 hours and 9 minutes.


When it comes to doctors, they never seem to pick up that I am in pain, that I am suffering. My actual GP is getting used to me after our few years of interaction, but this is a luxury that's still new to me. I didn't have a family GP growing up, and the military isn't exactly that concerned with more than ticking boxes, filling quotas.


2 hours and 8 minutes.


On the other hand, even the blind-as-hell military picked up on my depression issues and tried to push to have me on medicated therapy. I managed to avoid that AND get shifted back to the shop I liked. The combination got them off of my case, and allowed me to resume a semblance of normalcy.


2 hours and 7 minutes.


But only a semblance. I was still constantly drunk. Trying to sleep, trying to relax, just wanting to drown myself - I'm kind of surprised I'm not more pickled. I don't exactly regret those years; I did what I needed to survive with nobody to reach out to.


2 hours and 6 minutes.


And now that I have completely sobered up, now that I do have stability, perhaps something good will come of it. Perhaps something won't. I guess we're just going to have to wait and find out, eh? Oh, but waiting is such a killer... I've never been fond of it.


2 hours and 5 minutes.


I should erm... go drink my soda or something, think about breakfast. Get myself fed and comforted before the anxiety sinks in fully. :)





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Rae you did it!!!! Congrats on getting the eval done. I am so proud of you!!! No that wasn't patronizing, I know it sounded like it but no it wasn't. I'm sorry the wind up was so stressful. The countdown even had me going...omg is she going to be okay??? *laughs* But you were/are and hopefully sooner rather then later, you'll know how things went. :)




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Hah, I'm glad the countdown evoked the emotion I was going for. :) It's, at least, the first stage of things; I'll do a sum-up when I make with entry-making shortly. :D

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